Book Review: Sitting on Cold Porcelain by Rose A. Valenta

As a great fan of humor writing, I was eager to get this book for review. It is a collection of short pieces on politics, family, general absurdities, and some social commentary thrown into the mix.

Here is what the promotional blurb has to say about this book:

In Sitting on Cold Porcelain, readers will find an amusing, perceptive, and laugh-out-loud take on the state of our country and our world, on celebrities and politicians, and all the news events that make us roll our eyes and groan.

Its satirical essays include "Giuliani's Gaffe Could Qualify for Political Darwin Award," "Rush Limbaugh: The Don Rickles of Radio," "State of The Union 2010: Bitch-Slapping Congress," "Islamic Cleric Declares Jihad on Mickey Mouse," "Little Egypt to Run Against Sarah Palin," and "Who Moved My Mascarpone?"

You will also find Rose's hysterical consultations with her friend, Mrs. Giordano, a South Philadelphia Malocchio (evil eye) doctor. Mrs. Giordano bloviates in Italian and is the Italian equivalent to the 'Numa Numa Guy' in front of the TV when she watches The O'Reilly Factor.

Some parts of the book did make me chuckle, especially the introduction which explains the title. Perhaps because I could relate? I also really enjoyed the "State of the Union 2010: Bitch-Slapping Congress." Anyone who regularly reads my blog knows I take shots at government all the time, and Rose took some good shots in that piece.

In "Modern Terrorism Techniques" Rose reports that New Zealanbd cleared a shopping mall of unruly teens by piping in music by Barry Manilow.She referred to the music as "the kryptonite of our young people." Then she went on to suggest that certain music could replace water-boarding at Guantanamo as part of President Obama's improved humane policies toward detainees.What a clever idea. I've always thought we women could solve the world's problems if given half a chance.

This is a fun book that can be read all in one sitting, or in short bursts, perhaps instead of reading the back of the cereal box at breakfast. Trust me. This is a much better read. Fans of Erma Bombeck will find some similarities in the writing, and anyone who likes satire will enjoy the book.

Rose A. Valenta is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. Her irreverent columns have been published in Senior Wire, Associated Content, Courier Post Online, NPR, Newsday, USA TODAY, the WSJ Online, and many other local news and radio websites.

She is the author of Rosie’s Renegade Humor Blog. This is the blog for people who would be knowledgeable about current events and politics if only politicians and news anchors didn’t stretch the truth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FTC Disclaimer. This book was sent to me by the author, I'm sure with the hope that I might say something kind about it. But I was not paid or threatened to fulfill that hope. It was just out there waiting for my response.

Book Review: Death Pans Out by Ashna Graves

Thanks again to Carl Brookins for sharing  his book reviews.

Death Pans Out
by Ashna Graves
Hardcover, 288 pages,
from Poisoned Pen Press

Reporter Jeneva Leopold, faced with a life-altering decision, takes a leave of absence from her job to recover from surgery.  Breast cancer has claimed part of her body and she wants time to recover in relative peace.  Not just from the debilitating effects of the surgery itself,  but she wants to be in a place where she can think about her life and her existence. This is a novel about an unusual woman with an unusual plan to rehabilitate herself.

There are great stories surrounding the searches for precious metals from California, South America and the Yukon, as well as the production of gold from less well-known regions, and this one takes its cue from those stories. Fact or fiction, we are never quite sure, but here is a story which may well become a part of that so interesting body of literature.

Jeneva’s family has long owned an idle gold mine in the mountains of Southern Oregon, a harsh, vastly rural region of high deserts, mountains, isolated communities, wild animals and, legends.  One legend surrounds the
mysterious disappearance of Jeneva’s uncle, Mathew.  Mathew disappeared one night from the cabin at the mine almost twenty years before the story opens, and his mining partner has retreated into a silent years from which he may never emerge.

Jeneva takes a long leave of absence and moved to the cabin at the mine where she intends to spend several months of the summer physically and mentally recovering from her trauma.  Almost immediately, a parade of
compelling characters begins to invade her peaceful existence, from a weird self-styled “artifact hunter,” who insists that he always camps on Bureau of Forestry land and visits the area regularly, to a hearty sheriff who seems at times too good to be true, to a taciturn former model and beauty queen turned rancher, to assorted miners, a tall funeral director and other assorted characters.  They all make for some fascinating scenes and while the action is never of a high order, the rising tension and sense of danger to Jeneva and her friends, is well-handled.

I enjoyed the story, learned some things about governmental land management and local attitudes toward government, and found the ending quite a surprise.  If there are small problems with this debut novel, they stem from an experienced reporter acting entirely too trusting and naive to serve the story, and a couple of the rants are a little too long.  That said, I look forward to another adventure with Jeneva Leopold.

Carl Brookins
www.carlbrookins.com, www.agora2.blogspot.com
Case of the Greedy Lawyer, Devils Island,
Bloody Halls, more at Kindle & Smashwords!

Contest- Win books and more

Classic Romance Revival, a site dedicated to the care and feeding of romance novels and romance authors is having a special Scavenger Hunt in honor of Valentine's Day.  The contest runs today and tomorrow, and all are invited to join in the fun and win books or tote bags or more.

Here's what it's about. The following authors have graciously elected to participate in the hunt and offer prizes:

MARION WEB De SISTO
JACQUIE ROGERS
NICOLE ZOLTACK
DANIELLE THORNE
STEPHANIE BURKHART
JAMIE HILL
LINDA BANCHE
ELAINE CANTREL
MARYANN MILLER
JANE TOOMBS
LIANA LAVERENTZ


If you want to play, go to the CRR Web site and visit the BLOG  where you'll see a list of clues which will be related to the authors listed above. Using the clue, "hunt" down the answer and remember to record the URL of where you found the answer to the clue questions and what the answer is.


Details of how to submit your answer are there on the blog along with the clues and a list of prizes. Have fun and good luck.

Friday's Odds and Ends

America's schools lose up to $175 billion a year through inefficient spending. And people are just now asking for financial accountability? According to an editorial in The Dallas Morning News, the same advocacy groups that called for academic accountability in school districts are now focusing on spending.

I wonder what took them so long.

Was it too much to ask that Christina Aguilera  sing the National Anthem as written, and maybe memorize all the words before performing in front of millions of people at the Super Bowl? It is embarrassing to hear so many celebrities butcher a song that is not all that hard to sing. My suggestion to future Super Bowl planners, select a young singer from one the the host city's school choirs to do the honors.

Speaking of Super Bowls. Dallas Mayer Pro-Tem, Dwaine Caraway gave Michael Vick the key to the city during  festivities leading up to the big game. That raised this question form a Dallas Morning News editorial, "Can any criminal with no discernible connection to Dallas get a key to the city?"  Dallas Morning News columnist Jacqueline Floyd  took issue with the fact that Caraway "hailed Vick as a hero." She pointed out that there is a vast difference between "forgiveness" and "adoration."

I'm just wondering why Caraway decided to honor Vick instead of one of the players from Pittsburgh or Green Bay who had come to play the game.

The city of Plano, Texas is looking for a new city manager and have hired a search firm to handle the selection process. Apparently they have narrowed the search to five people, one of whom said he never applied. The chief executive of the search firm had this to say I response, "He knew he was an applicant. We can't just grab resumes off the Web."

Uh, excuse me. Has he not heard of Monster.com?

According to a story in the Minneapolis Star Tribune last week, a woman was arrested after trying to send a puppy through the mail in a box. Supposedly it was to be a birthday gift for a relative in another state, but as the Minneapolis police officer said, "Some gift a dead puppy would have been."

No kidding.

The Evolution of a Writer

Please help me welcome Robert Bennett to It's Not All Gravy. 

How does someone go from being a social worker to writing mystery fiction full time?  In my case it was an accident, literally.

In 1988 I was working as a social worker in a group home for mentally challenged men in the Bronx, NY. It was my first job out of grad school and I really enjoyed it.  I was making decent money.  My boss liked me and thought I was doing a good job.  My guys and I had a great relationship. Most importantly, I felt like I was making a real difference in their lives.  I was helping them learn daily living skills.  I was helping them to get an education.  For someone who’d always wanted to improve the lives of the disenfranchised masses of our society this was the perfect job.  But, in July, it all came crashing down.

Despite what you may have heard, car accidents are no fun.  In fact mine was the least fun thirty seconds I’d ever spent in my life.  Yup, that’s all it took to change my life completely…one half of a minute.

I was coming home from a girlfriend’s home in Pennsylvania, driving on a highway I’d driven on a couple of dozen times, when I heard tires screeching behind me. I remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing a car stopped on the road to the left of me.  A few seconds later a vehicle crashed into me from behind.  My metal chariot spun around and boom, I was hit again. This second attack pushed me against the guard rail facing oncoming traffic. Fortunately the guy who hit me, not the one who caused the accident (he was long gone and probably oblivious to what he’d caused), was an off-duty EMT driver. He orchestrated everything post-accident. The hospital released me after a cursory exam, and I went home to bed.

Skip ahead a few months, during which time I’d left my job, lost my girlfriend, and had several surgeries on my spine. I had no idea what the rest of my life would be like. One night my mother brought home a notice for classes at a place called The New York Studio for Writers. I made a phone call.

Since then I’ve written magazine articles about what I call “issues of disability,” everything from sports to politics.  I write about people who challenge societal views of what we commonly, and mistakenly, call ‘disabilities’ and ‘handicaps.’  I write about technology that helps people with disabilities lead better, easier, more productive lives.  I write about social and physical barriers, and how to circumnavigate them.

One of my articles for a magazine called Virtual Reality Special Report, was about a device that combined GPS and virtual reality technologies to allow blind people to navigate through their world.  That sparked my creative interests like no other topic previously had. What, I wondered, would happen if that device malfunctioned so that the user would not “see” the world immediately around him but, instead, would throw him off by a few blocks?  What would happen if what he “saw” was a murder taking place?  How would he deal with this information?  How would the police react if he decided to inform them?  You’re blind, they’d say.  How can you see anything?  You were a few blocks away from this alleged incident, they’d continue.  How could you know anything about it?

Welcome to the travails of Douglas Abledan and his adventures in my Blind Traveler mystery series. This was the setup for my first novel, Blind Traveler Down a Dark River (pub’d 2004).  Book two, Blind Traveler’s Blues, was just accepted as an ebook to be published by Echelon Press.

And that is how a social worker can become a writer of mystery fiction.  Sometimes accidents happen for a reason!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more information about Robert and his work, visit his Web site  You can also meet him on his BLOG

Guest Blogger Tomorrow

I'm pleased to announce that author, Robert Bennett, will be my guest here tomorrow. He will share how he "accidentally" came into the writing game. Many of us have taken unusual routes to our writing careers, but his was literally an accident.

Robert  is a social worker and writer who focuses on issues of disability. His articles, which appear in both local and national publications, have spanned a wide range of topics. He has spoken to groups of physical therapy students, church members and senior citizens, and has appeared on several radio programs. In writing about the issues people with disabilities are involved with he feels he has learned a very important lesson, "It is the act of truly living and believing in yourself that is important, not the manner in which that action is undertaken." 

Blind Traveler Down a Dark River is the story of Douglas Abledan, a blind man using a GPS unit to navigate the world. One day the device malfunctions. He stumbles upon the scene of a murder about to take place. Due to the confusion caused by the failure of his technology, it isn’t until he hears a radio announcer reporting an accidental shooting that pieces start falling into place. Unable to convince authorities to look into the matter, he launches his own investigation.


You can find out more about this book and his next on Robert's website at www.enablingwords.com  And I do hope you will come back tomorrow to meet Robert.

Homeland Security - Are we Safer?

I read an interesting op/ed piece by Anne Applebaum titled Homeland Security Hasn't Made us Safer. In her article she makes the point that since Homeland Security was established following 9/11, it has operated without much fiscal scrutiny, and it continues to cost more and more each year, "presumably because Americans think they are being protected from terrorism by all that spending."

That is so typical. The American response to so many problems is to throw money at them. The more money being spent, the better the program. Right?

Not necessarily.

The Department of Homeland Security has sent millions of dollars to remote areas of the country that would probably never be on any terrorist's radar. Small towns with populations less than 3,000 have received hundreds of thousands of dollars for "emergency preparedness." Even my small town volunteer fire department has benefited, and while it is nice that they have some updated equipment, I highly doubt there will ever be a terrorist attack here.

Until I read this article I did not know that  "Every U.S. S\state, no matter how landlocked or underpopulated, receives by law, a fixed percentage of homeland security spending every year. " So I guess if it is up for grabs, we ought to grab. Right?

The article concludes with "The events of 9/11 did not prove that the United States needs to spend more on local police forces and fire brigades; they proved that Americans need to learn how to make better use of the information they have and apply it with speed and efficiency."

Applebaum urges that more money and more attention needs to be focused on identifying terrorists and sharing information on a global level. Nationally, security could focus on cities and buildings that are actually at risk.

What a novel concept.

Millions of dollars are spent annually for airport screenings, yet there is no proof that screeners have actually stopped a would-be bomber. And when airport safety procedures are tested, the screeners have missed fake bombs that the TSA has planted to test their skills.

Book Review: Summer at Willow Lake by Susan Wiggs

 For a change, I thought I would publish my own review. Not that I don't appreciate the reviews Carl Brookins shares with us, but I just finished this book and liked it well enough to tell others....

Summer at Willow Lake
Susan Wiggs
Contemporary Romance
e-Book version - 2010

This is a wonderful story with many layers and many characters, but they all intertwine with ease. The history of the Bellamy family and their ties to Camp Kioga in New York is complicated, and when Olivia Bellamy goes back to the camp one summer to prepare it for her grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary celebration, the history is revealed. Some of it is sweet and poignant, some of it difficult and threatening.

Camp Kioga was not one of Olivia's favorite places as a child. Not until she met and fell in love with Connor Davis, but how could he be interested in a chubby teenage girl who had never even been kissed. In the years that have passed since, Olivia has reinvented herself as a trim, attractive, sophisticated woman,a nd it is that woman who meets Connor again when his construction firm is hired to help with the renovations of the camp.

Summer at Willow Lake is a saga in the true sense of the word, and I enjoyed meeting all the people who connect in some way with Olivia and the camp. It is also a romance, so the typical sexual tension is there between Olivia and Connor. What elevates this book from every other romance novel is Connor. He is almost too good to be true, which is every woman's fantasy, yet he isn't a swaggering hero. He is a kind, compassionate, intuitive man with a wry sense of humor.

 ~~~~
FTC disclaimer:  I purchased this book of my own free will to read and enjoy. The author did not twist my arm or threaten me in any way to read it and give a positive report. In fact, unless she does a search for new reviews of her book, she may not even know about this one.

Friday's Odds and Ends

Recently a woman in Dallas was asked why she wanted to model for Playboy.  "Before I get married and find someone, it's something I want to get out of my system."

Sure, that's what every young woman should put on her list of things to do before marriage.


Why Hillary didn't win -- she's not a cowgirl. In her book, Big Girls Don't Cry, Rebecca Traister writes about the "rootin'-tootin' female politician" and America's fascination with them. She says it is "symptomatic of the too-narrow ways in which the United States is willing to accept women as leaders."

I remember when Ann Richards was elected governor of Texas in 1991. While she didn't have that "take me to the wilderness so I can shoot something" persona of a Sarah Palin, she was promoted as a tough Texan who could hold her own with the good ol' boys. 

So maybe Hillary should stop trying to prove how smart she is and start acting like a cowgirl.

We've seen record cold temperatures and storms across the U.S. this week, and people still think we are not experiencing climate change?

New approach to airport security - mice who can detect explosives. Israeli scientists developed a mouse trap that contains three canisters, each filled with eight specially trained mice capable of picking up faint traces of explosive residues. The scientists say that  mice are more effective bomb-sniffers than dogs because they don't require constant human interaction, and they actually have more scent receptor genes than canines. 

They don't eat as much as dogs, either, but a dog is more fun. Read more about the mice HERE

Politicians, you gotta love em

The Texas Legislature is rushing to pass a voter ID bill that would require voters to show a driver's liscense or other form of picture ID at the voting booth. No longer will a voter's registration card, which can only be acquired by showing proof of residency, be considered adequate proof that a person is eligible to vote.

Governor Rick Perry declared this as emergency legislation so the bill could be considered before the House was fully organized, and it has strong support among Republicans. Not so much with Democrats.

Supporters say the bill preserves the right to vote, which is one of our most precious rights as residents of a democracy. They claim the current system allows non-registered voters access to polls, many of them illegal immigrants. Opponents claim the bill is just a way to disengage those at the economic bottom tier in our country.

And of course, those opposed and those in favor are so busy taking pot-shots at each other, I wonder if they are taking time to really debate the pros and cons of the bill, or is this all just about promoting the party line? Which is really what I suspect  this whole issue is about --- politics. Republicans want to come across as the vanguards of our freedom, and the Democrats want to be seen as the saviors of the poor.

If only they really cared about their constituents, they would put politics aside and look at issues of graver importance --  like the state budget. Now, there's something that needs to be deemed an emergency.

This type of approach to government business in rampant, from federal to local, and it doesn't look like it is going to change. Too bad for us.

The Battle of the Common Cold

Since we are in the middle of the flu and cold season, I thought this information I read in Parade Magazine this week might be of interest.  Some of the information was definitely a big surprise to me. I've been battling a cold and sinus infection for over a week, and had been drinking lots of green tea, adding extra Vitamins to my daily regimine, and basically following all the suggestions for boosting your immune system while you are sick.

Well, according to Dr. Birgit Winther, an otolaryngologist and part of a cold-research team at the University of Virginia,  that is the wrong thing to do. She is one of the top experts on the subject of the viruses that cause colds and was quoted by the author of the Parade article, Jennifer Ackerman, who is the author of Ah-Choo!: The Uncommon Life of Your Common Cold.

“For years, scientists thought cold symptoms resulted from damage done by the cold viruses themselves,” Winther says. As it turns out, all that sneezing, coughing, and congestion is actually caused by our own bodies. In response to an intruding virus, our immune systems pump out chemicals that cause our noses to run, heads to throb, and throats to swell. “One cold differs from another because of the way the host body responds,” Winther says. That explains why you may come down with a killer cold while your spouse has barely a sniffle, even though you both have the same virus.

It also explains why some immunity-boosting products may not help. “Getting your immune cells to work better could result in a stronger inflammatory response and more exaggerated symptoms,” Winther says. A colleague of hers once took immunity-enhancing drugs to speed his recovery, and “he’d never been so sick in his life!”

Hmmm. I'm wondering if that means I should stop the green tea? Actually, I did not drink it last night. Skipped the extra zinc and vitamin C, too. It is too early to tell, but I think there is less congestion today. I'll skip it again tonight, and then try it again tomorrow and see if there is any difference. If you are interested, check back Wednesday to see the results of my experiment.

In the meantime, what about you? Do you use immunity-enhancing supplements? Have you noticed any patterns in how they work? There are so many conflicting opinions as to the benefits of extra vitamins and the other healthy eating programs that are supposed to be of benefit, it can boggle the inquisitive mind.

Book Review: The Rembrandt Affair by Daniel Silva

 Thanks to Carl Brookins for sharing another review.....


The Rembrandt Affair
By Daniel Silva
ISBN: 978-0-399-15658-8
Published by Putnam, 2010

Daniel Silva is an experienced best-selling author who deserves his place on the NY Times list.  His latest novel is a fascinating blend of lust, international espionage, art theft and sale, and murder. It is well-written, well-paced and almost insidiously compelling.

It is also long.

Silva has peopled his thriller with a remarkable cast of characters, including a towering Swiss philanthropist, a raffish cast of thieves and murderers who are on the side of the angels, a master logician who is also a stone killer, an art restorer of great skill and several others of questionable yet important morals. Over all hangs the image of one of the greatest of European artists, Dutch painter Rembrandt von Rijin.  He lived and prospered during the golden era of Dutch painting and died in 1669.  His paintings are worth millions.

When a small portrait of a young woman mysteriously appears in the art world, knowing viewers immediately recognize it as the work of the great Dutch Master.  But knowing and proving are quite different things.  In the
art world, provenance is everything.  Where has this painting been for perhaps hundreds of years?

Answering that all-important question brings together a London art dealer and master restorer and art expert, and master spy, Gabriel Allon.  That connection sets off a wild chase though high and low social levels of Britain and Europe in a taut novel fraught with unexpected turns, unusual characters and sometimes off-the-wall events.

It all adds up to a dandy novel that will satisfy the most discriminating thriller readers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carl Brookins
www.carlbrookins.com, www.agora2.blogspot.com
Case of the Greedy Lawyer, Devils Island,
Bloody Halls, more at Kindle & Smashwords!

Friday's Odds and Ends

Well, actually, just odds. These are some unusual news items I found on the Web.

A McDonald's in the United Kingdom is refusing to serve teens who are wearing sports gear after 7pm. According to the manager, the restaurant has experienced a lot of anti-social behavior from groups of youths. "It's almost gang-style fighting at the weekend.  My staff have been threatened and been told they will be stabbed when they finish work. The local police are working with us at the moment and their advice is to take a zero tolerance approach.''

A man known as 'Spider Dan’ has been convicted for climbing San Francisco’s 60-story Millennium Tower. Daniel Goodwin spent about four hours  in September  scaling the residential high-rise, aided by suction cups. He ignored authorities’ repeated commands to come down. Goodwin testified that he wanted to call attention to what he sees as a national lack of preparedness to fight skyscraper fires.

Research suggests that the terrifying visions that haunted composer Chopin and convinced him that strange creatures were crawling out of his piano were caused by epilepsy.

Sheffield University PhD students Alex Baker and Chris Rose launched a video camera into space for less than the price of a second hand car.

Juan Manuel Barrientos, a  young chef from Colombia, has created two fully edible wedding gowns and showcased them during the Colombiatex fashion show in Medellin. Wedding dresses are usually just something pretty for people to look at, so Juan Manuel Barrieto decided  to give them a whole new purpose. Instead of just eye-candy for the wedding guests, his beautiful creations are real candy for the groom to enjoy on his wedding night. The original wedding dresses are made of 2,000 sugar-glazed rose petals and champagne clothe and come with edible accessories such as bracelets, earrings, necklaces and rings made of candy, and a bouquet made of edible flowers.

Gardening is good for your soul

Here in Texas the gardening season is just beginning. It's time to plant early spring crops such as peas and spinach and carrots and onions. I'm late getting mine planted, but I have been digging a few rows a day for the past month - except when it turned bitter cold - and I will be ready to plant this weekend.

Gardening is in my blood. My paternal grandmother had a huge garden that stretched up the hill behind her house in West Virginia. When we visited in the summer, we could always find grandma halfway up the hill, weeding, picking, or cultivating. She would sqaut, sitting on her heels, and shuffle down the rows of beans, then stand and stretch at the end of each row. How she did that, I'll never know.

When I'm out working in my garden, which is only a fraction of the size of my grandmothers, I try to hunker down to do the weeding, but am only able to make it a few feet. I'm sure the difference is due to the fact that Grandma spent hours each day working the garden. It was probably a quarter of an acre, and she worked it all with a shovel, a hoe, and a trowel. She also worked it well into her late 80s, and only stopped because she fell and broke her hip.

Thinking about the garden and my grandmother reminded me of this piece I wrote some years ago. It is now part of the memoir I have been working on, A Dead Tomato Plant and  a Paycheck. Most of the memoir is focused on humor, but now and then it takes a serious turn. Enjoy.....


Pretty little flowers all in a row.

Not that year.

That year a few scraggly weeds lived in the spots usually reserved for the pansies that thrived early in the Texas growing season. Normally, when the sun burned too hot, the pansies would be replaced with petunias, then later with periwinkles. Those hardy little flowers can thumb their noses at the worst heat thrown at them.

Attending to this ritual of planting has always been an important part of my existence. Some days I’d rather be out digging in the dirt than doing almost anything else. The process feeds me deep inside in a way that defies articulation. But those who share this passion understand.

When it was time to plant the pansies that year, I was in the hospital after a complicated kidney surgery. The weeks recuperating at home ate up the rest of early spring when cool nights and mild days nurtured the ‘people’ flowers and let them smile to greet a new day.

My heart ached when I was strong enough to walk out to the front porch and sit on the swing. The empty flower beds looked so lost and forgotten, and I yearned to dig my hands into the dirt. I thought of asking my husband to plant something, just a geranium or two for a splash of color, but resisted the urge on two counts. He had enough to do with taking care of the kids, the house, and his job. Plus, it wasn’t the flowers I missed so much as the process. I could wait a few more weeks and still have plenty of growing season left. It lasts forever in Texas.

Petunia season came and went, and still the flowerbeds stood empty.

I’d had a bit of a set-back in my recovery. Some nerves had been damaged during the hours-long surgery and the pain was still incredibly severe. That forced another trip to the hospital to see if anything could be done.

By the time I got home again, we were well into periwinkle season and my flowerbeds had grown lush with weeds. My instinct was to lean forward in the swing and pluck out a clump of clover, but the look from my husband, rich with unsaid words, stilled the impulse.

I’m sure he meant well. Like so many spouses standing on the outside he felt so helpless in the face of my pain and limitations. He only wanted to protect me. But my heart yearned to be digging in the dirt. It was a deep and powerful ache that wouldn’t go away.

During my next visit to the doctor, I asked if he thought it would be okay to do a bit of gardening. “I’ll be careful,” I said. “And I just feel this great need.”

The man could have posed for a Norman Rockwell painting as he sat on his little black stool with one finger tapping his cheek. Then he spoke. “Personally, I think there’s something very healing about dirt. Although I don’t recommend eating it.”

He paused to acknowledge the smile with timing so perfect he could’ve been on the comedy circuit. “But I do recommend filling your hands with it. Smell it. Work it. Let it fall through your fingers. It won’t cure you, but it won’t hurt, either. And maybe it will make you feel better where it matters.”

Several hours later I knelt on the grass. I ignored the pain that ran down my side and into my leg and leaned close to the dirt. The trowel felt good in my hand as I loosened a small section of the flowerbed. Then I picked up clumps of earth and crumbled them, letting the rich black dirt stream through my fingers. I reveled in the cool dampness; the pungent aroma. Then I dug a hole big enough to hold a single Marigold.

“Ah,” my heart said. “Just what you needed."

Just for Fun

Since I need to be working on my book today, not blogging, I thought I would let my friend Tracy Farr entertain you.....

I went in for oil, and came out with groceries


Every story starts with one word. Sometimes it’s a big word, sometimes it’s small. But without that first word, there could never be a second, or a third, or a fourth. So, I think I shall start this story with “The,” and after that, we shall see.

The other day, very early in the morning, I headed out to the local Super-Duper Mega Mart to buy a quart of oil. I always go in the morning because I’m a morning person. I buy oil because my truck requires it. I go to the Super-Duper Mega Mart because it’s practically the only game in town.

Very rarely do I carry my cell phone with me when I shop because I hate to be interrupted in my “get in, get out quick” expeditions. But for some reason, I had my cell phone with me that day – and it was on.

“Dear, since you’re at the Super-Duper Mega Mart, could you possibly buy some milk? I’d really appreciate it.”

That was my wife. She knows my number. I answer, “Yeah, sure, milk, fine.”

That’s how we guys talk. Monosyllable. Straight to the point. Say what you mean to say, then shut up.

“Oh, and butter too, if you don’t mind. I prefer the kind in the tub, like we always get, but if they don’t have that, whatever you do, don’t buy the squeeze-it butter because that’s just plain nasty.”

Quart of oil, milk and butter. Not too hard. Maybe I should get one of those baskets.

“Oh, and leave your cell phone on just in case I think of anything else we need. Okay?”

I say, “Yeah, sure, phone on, no problem,” but what I’m thinking is, “Why did I ever agree to cell phones?”

The other reason I like shopping early in the morning is because there are less people out and about. They’re all still in bed, watching Good Morning Something or Other, drinking their first cup of coffee and...

Coffee beans. I think we’re out. Best pick up a bag or two. That way when I get home, after I change the oil in my truck, I can settle down and relax with a tall cup of freshly-brewed coffee.

I didn’t always drink coffee. In fact, I’m a new convert. I actually surprised my father and brother this past Christmas when I said if they were fixing coffee, I’d sure like a cup. You should have seen their jaws drop. Then they slapped me on the back and said, “Welcome to the club.”

But I will admit, I doctor up my coffee quite a bit. Can’t stand it black. Which reminds me, I wonder if we have any sugar left? Best call home and see.

“Yes, we have plenty of sugar, but I’ve found some other items we desperately need. Do you have something to write with?”

Holy Cow. Of course I don’t have anything to write with. I just came for a quart of oil. You don’t necessarily have to write down “one quart of oil” when that’s the only thing you’re getting.

But of course I don’t actually SAY all that. Instead, I say, “Yeah, shoot.”

“Well, it’s not much. Okay, we need some eggs, I prefer the two dozen Grade A eggs in the paper carton, not plastic, because it decomposes easier; we need some cheese, either Pepper Jack or Swiss, but we have plenty of cheddar, unless you want to buy some sharp cheddar, but I’ll leave that up to you; we need some bananas, and please make sure they’re yellow and not green like last time, and yes I know you’re color blind, but just ask someone; we could use some frozen vegetables, but just buy the store brand because the other is too expensive; and a couple of cans of tuna in water, not oil, because I’m going to try a new tuna casserole recipe tonight and...Oh, bread. We need bread. I think garlic bread will taste good with the casserole, don’t you? And could you please pick up some more coffee? Whole beans. I like grinding it up fresh. You’ve got all that?”

I say, “Yep, eggs, cheese, bananas, peas, tuna, bread, coffee. Got it,” but inside, I’m crying, because I just wanted oil. Only a quart. Just enough to get my hands dirty.

I say goodbye – then turn off the phone.

Every story starts with one word, followed by another, then another, and then another. Every shopping trip starts with one item, followed by another, then another, and then another. Once you come to terms with that, life is Peachy Keen.


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Tracy Farr lives in East Texas with his wife, three children and some goats. To read more of his stories, visit his website at http://www.tracyfarr.net.

Book Review - Big Wheat by Richard A. Thompson

 Thanks to Carl Brookins for sharing another book review with us....


Big Wheat
By Richard A. Thompson
Poisoned Pen Press 2011
ISBN: 978-1-59058-820-8

World War I is done and Charlie Krueger’s older brother is never coming home. Charlie, his sister and their mother must cope with an increasingly abusive drunken father and husband. The summer of 1919 wanes and vast acreages of the Middle West prairies are thick with ripening grain. Up the long reaches from the banks of the Platte and the Missouri come the contract threshing crews and their machines, most followed by raffish bindlestiffs to supplement a farmer’s friends and relatives. The crews are often peopled by men of questionable backgrounds and are occasionally eyed with suspicion by local sheriffs who rarely chase criminals beyond their county boundaries.

When Charlie Krueger has a final confrontation with his father, he leaves behind a sorrowful mother and sister and the local girl he thought he’d love forever. He becomes a bindlestiff, traveling from farm to farm, learning
the threshing business and nurturing his love for machines.

The machines are new, complicated and prone to breakdowns. Charlie hooks up with a marvelously conceived traveling machine repair crew that becomes his new family. But lurking in the background is a killer, a killer who believes Charlie saw his latest brutal deed.  He seeks to find and murder Charlie. Meanwhile, the sheriff of Charlie’s home county has developed leads which point him toward Charlie as a murderer.

This then is the roiling plot which moves the story forward. Carefully constructed and set against the vast reaches of the plains states, the novel evokes a time and place and the attitudes of the people and the land in a
powerful and moving way. Readers will smell the dust, drip sweat and shrivel under the burning sun right along with the threshing crews. They’ll feel a clutch in the night as the sheriff and the murderer draw closer and
they’ll empathize with the casual corruption and the surmounting goodness of the characters the author has created.

A fine, exciting and unusual well-written novel I am pleased to recommend to all readers of crime fiction.

Carl Brookins
www.carlbrookins.com, www.agora2.blogspot.com
Case of the Greedy Lawyer, Devils Island,
Bloody Halls, more at Kindle & Smashwords!

Friday's Odds and Ends

In central Texas there is a wide area of devastation where trees are dying, as well as other vegetation. Environmentalists believe the sulfur dioxide emitted by the Fayette Power Plant is to blame. However, the plant's operator and the state's Environmental Regulator deny pollution is to blame for the swaths of plant devastation. Pecan groves in the area have seen crops dwindle from 200,000 lbs a year to 8,000.

Do you really believe the pollution is not causing the problem? 

Anti-gay activist Cindy Jacobs, who is a member of Generals International has posted a video explaining her belief that it was the repeal of the military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ that caused all of these dead animals to be popping up all over the country, including the thousands of birds that fell from the sky in Beebe, Arkansas not long ago.  Her reasoning is that because homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible, the barrage of dead animals is a direct message from God.

Hmmmm. Not the God I believe in.

A novel idea. How about we write laws in plain English? This was proposed in a recent editorial by author, Linda Chavez, and I wanted to stand up and cheer when I read it. She pointed out the clarity and brevity of the Constitution, which was written so the common man could understand it.  In contrast, she compared the Health Care Act, weighing in on 2,400 pages to the fact that "we abolished slavery and gave former slaves the right to vote in 100 words.  We guaranteed women the right to vote in fewer than 40 words." "If legislators can't explain what they want to do in 100 pages of less, they probably shouldn't be doing it."

Hear! Hear!

Celebrating 191 years of marriage. Yes it's true. Three brothers who married three sisters over 60 years ago have between them 191 years of marriage.Growing up, the  Waters boys lived not far from the Webb sisters in the little Texas town of Dike, and eventually they all hooked up. Although the youngest couple did resist for a while. "We thought two was enough," the youngest Webb sister said. The couples enjoy traveling together and will be celebrating anniversaries this year by going on a cruise. And the secret to 191 years  of happy marriage? "A whole lot of give and take."

Bravo!!


What about you? Anything catch your eye in the news recently?

Guest Blog- Evelyn David on Writing as a Team

Writing Duets?

We're going to go out on a limb here. We're going to advise you to go against conventional wisdom about writing a book. Here's our suggestion: Find a co-author on the Internet and write 2 books and countless short stories together without ever meeting in person.

What? That sounds crazy.

We know. And we still recommend it because that's exactly what we've done and it has worked perfectly.

We know there are problems with collaboration. We've heard them all, and actually, most of them make sense…except not always. Herewith are the problems and how we've avoided them. Maybe collaboration can work for you too.

1. The creative process is by definition a solitary one and writing together only leads to a jumble of ideas.

We're not sure where the concept of the lonely artist stuck in an unheated garret pursuing his talent first was proposed as fact, but it's only half true. Yes, each of us brings to the table our own concepts and ideas. But that's a plus, not a drawback. It means we've each got someone to bat ideas off; someone to say "you've hit a homerun" or alternatively, "no offense, but that makes no sense at all." You're less likely to go off on a tangent if someone else is there to either remind you where you were supposed to be headed – or to listen if you truly believe that the new idea will only strengthen the storyline. Since it's a collaboration, where neither party has veto rights, you've got to be able to defend your choices, which can only make you plan and write more clearly.

2. You don't want to mix plaids and stripes together, or in other words, how can you combine two distinct writing styles?

That's a little tougher, but practice makes perfect. It works because of the first rule of any writing project, whether it's a third grade book report or a New York Times bestseller: Revise, Revise, Revise.

As each scene goes back and forth between us, it gets smoothed out. We both write all characters so it's less likely that the hero sounds like someone from Oklahoma (where Rhonda lives), while the heroine sounds like a New Yorker (where Marian lives). We work hard to make our characters distinct, but the overall voice of each book is Evelyn David, neither Rhonda or Marian.

3. The work load will never be equally distributed between the two collaborators.

Probably true at different points in the writing process. But like any good partnership, you each go in with honest intentions, work hard, and figure it all evens out in the end. No question that Rhonda is the tech genius of this collaboration so she handles all web site issues, including design. Marian tends to handle the business side of being an author (agent contact, bookstore relationships, publisher issues, and planning). We both do the writing, editing, and promotion. Over time we've learned each other's strengths and preferences - we shift tasks accordingly. Rhonda is the keeper of lists and files. Marian is the final word on punctuation and grammar. Rhonda likes working with photos and covers. Marian is wonderful at interviews. Neither of us is good at mingling at receptions and making small talk, but we do it anyway and commiserate with each other later. The bottom line is that we work together to achieve a common goal. Here's a clue - if you're keeping close track of the hours you spend or the tasks you handle versus what your co-author does, then you probably haven't found a partner who you trust enough to write with.

We've given a lot of thought to why we think our collaboration works and believe there are three important ingredients.

1. Neither of us has a big ego, so there are never any diva moments.

2. We share a similar work ethic. Do what needs to be done and don't worry about the credit.

3. And probably most important of all – we share a similar (maybe warped) sense of humor. When life is dark and gloomy, when we are sure we could never compose a shopping list, let alone a book, we tend to crack a joke and laugh. Writing is a tough profession, full of frequent disappointments and frustrations. Laughter is essential.

Collaboration may not be for everyone, but for Evelyn David, it's been remarkable easy and fun for us. Try it. You might like it.

Good Luck!
Evelyn David

__________

 

The Sullivan Investigation Series
Murder Drops the Ball (Spring 2011)
Murder Takes the Cake - Paperback - Kindle
Murder Off the Books - Paperback - Kindle
Riley Come Home - Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
Autographed Copies and other e-book formats available through Wolfmont Press at
The Digital_Bookshop - http://tinyurl.com/DigitalBookshop

Brianna Sullivan Mysteries - e-book series
The Holiday Spirit(s) of Lottawatah
- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
The Dog Days of Summer in Lottawatah
- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords
I Try Not to Drive Past Cemeteries
- Kindle - Nook - Smashwords

The authors of The Brianna Sullivan Mysteries, Murder Off the Books, Murder Takes the Cake, and the short story Riley Come Home, Evelyn David is the pseudonym for Marian Edelman Borden and Rhonda Dossett.

Marian lives in New York and is the author of 11 nonfiction books on a wide variety of topics ranging from veterans benefits to playgroups for toddlers! For more information on Marian's books, please visit her web site at http://www.marianedelmanborden.com 

Rhonda lives in Muskogee, Oklahoma, is the director of the coal program for the state, and in her spare time enjoys imagining and writing funny, scary mysteries. Marian and Rhonda write their mystery series via the Internet. While many fans who attend mystery conventions have now chatted with both halves of Evelyn David, Marian and Rhonda have yet to meet in person. 

Please check out Evelyn's website at http://www.evelyndavid.com and their blog – The Stiletto Gang - http://www.thestilettogang.blogspot.com/ for information about Evelyn David's appearance schedule and writing projects.

Be My Guest - Linda Faulkner

Thanks for allowing me to visit today, Maryann.  I really enjoy your blog and am thrilled to have the opportunity to contribute.

One of the things I’ve learned in the past couple of years is that most of us writers have talents we’ve never tapped into.  Sure, we can write.  But we tend to stick to the same genres and formats.  Novelists don’t often write short stories; poets usually avoid crime fiction; and children’s authors seldom write erotica.

Stretching ourselves, however, helps hone our writing skills and, quite often, adds more money to our bank accounts.

I made this discovery by accident but it does emphasize the fact that writers write.  For a number of reasons I won’t bore you with, I found myself not having the time to write fiction from about 1994 to 2004.  That doesn’t mean, however, I didn’t write.  Without realizing it, I had incorporated my passion for writing into my day job:  workflows, forms, training and procedures manuals, magazine articles, a newspaper column, and educational texts.

It was in trade that I first became published and the skills I learned writing magazine articles and technical texts helped my fiction writing tremendously.  By necessity, I cut back on needless words and wrote tighter.  Deadlines became a fact of life, not something I flirted with or avoided.  Being asked to edit and/or revise became commonplace and no longer assaulted my ego.

Because of the money I’m earning at my technical and freelance writing, I’ve been able to sell one insurance business and devote the rest of my professional time to the insurance education business—and the writing and teaching I do for it.

Oh, and did I mention all that freelance writing netted me a contract to write a business book?  It’s the first in a series and I had a ball writing it.  I’m outlining the next book and it’s even more fun.

The more we writers open ourselves to new experiences and ways to hone our craft, the more successful we become.  And, by the way, my personal measure of success is being happy doing what I do.  As a writer, being able to spend the majority of my time writing—regardless of the topic or genre—makes me about as happy as I’m ever gonna be!

I highly recommend that writers do serious research into all avenues of pursuing a writing career.  It’s amazing how much opportunity is out there.

~~~~~~

Linda is a prolific writer who has published fiction, non-fiction, and technical writing in a number of genres and formats.  In addition to spending over 30 years in the insurance industry as an education provider, insurance agency owner, insurance consultant, and founder/owner of three insurance businesses, Linda has been writing since childhood.

Her mystery, Second Time Around, was released in January 2009 and was nominated for a 2010 EPIC Award.  Her non-fiction book titled, Taking the Mystery Out of Business: 9 Fundamentals for Professional Success was released earlier this month.

As an entrepreneur and the founder of four businesses, Linda Faulkner knows all about what it takes to make it in the world of business. She's discovered that professional suicide is caused more by a lack of awareness than any other factor, hence her motto:  "Clueless is a dangerous place to be."

Book Review: Taking the Mystery out of Business

Before I do the review of this book, I want to mention that I am the guest today on the blog for Creatures & Crooks Books. The owner, Lelia Taylor, is known for being a cat-lover, so she has started a series of guest blogs about cats. Sometimes she'll let a dog in, just for variety, but primarily the focus is on our feline friends.  If you have time and the inclination, come on over and meet our indestructible cat.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled program:

Taking The Mystery Out of Business
9 Fundamentals for Professional Success
Linda Faulkner
NorLights Press
Nov 2010


Here is the back jacket blurb:

Taking the Mystery Out of Business: is a fresh, practical guide to the business world.  Author Linda Faulkner lays out the fundamentals, providing examples and tips so newcomers to the business world can easily gain an understanding of the challenges they face.  Experienced professionals will benefit from a refresher on basic strategies and how to stay ahead of the competition.

While the book is aimed for those who are full-time business people, there are things a writer can learn to deal with the business side of publishing. As we all know, we have been asked more and more of late to focus on marketing and promoting as part of our responsibilities as writers, and most of us are ill-equipped to do that well.

Some of the topics that I found most helpful were having the right mental attitude, relationships, organization, and time management. These are areas that I constantly need to be working on, and her advice was most helpful. One of the main things that popped for me when I read the chapter on mental attitude is that I need to stop saying with every breath how bad I am at marketing. Negative thinking has such a powerful sway over how we interact with people. I knew that on so many other levels, but had not applied it directly to marketing. So, from now on, my mantra is going to be "I am so good at marketing, I amaze myself."

Okay, maybe that's a little over the top, but whatever I come up with it will have a positive spin.

I highly recommend this book for all writers. Linda has the background and expertise  to be totally credible, and the book is written in a comfortable, easy to understand style.

I hope you will come back tomorrow and meet Linda when she is a guest here on It's Not All Gravy. I'm sure she will be happy to answer questions, so bring 'em on.

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FTC disclaimer: The book was sent to me from the publisher with the hope that I would review it and host Linda on my blog. Since I love guests here, the second request was easy to fill. But I only reviewed the book because I liked it, not because they asked me to. Other than getting some great marketing advice, I have not benefited in any other way from this arrangment.