A-Z Challenge - G is for Goats

Today's post is brought to you by the letter G.

I'll admit it. I like goats. Not as much as my friend Tracy Farr, who has written a whole book about goats, but I have enjoyed my goats. So have some of my grandchildren who loved to come and feed grandma's "doats."

Banjo, Lucy, Millie

One of my first encounters with a goat was when our oldest daughter was about three years old and we took her to a petting zoo. She was so excited to get a bottle and go into the enclosure to feed the young goats and sheep. Problem was, one of the goats kept wanting to eat the tassel on our daughter's hat. She bonked the goat on the head with the bottle and said she was done.

It's not surprising that her kids are not the ones who were so excited to feed the goats. Although to be fair to that daughter, she does inquire about my animals when she calls.

When I first moved to our little place in the country, I made the mistake of getting a billy goat and a Barbados Ram. They were both so cute as babies, but grew up to be most difficult to deal with, so I sold them and got a Nannie goat. We named her Lucy for no particular reason other than it was the first name that came to mind. When Lucy runs to the fence to get a treat, she does a little prance step that almost looks like dancing.

She runs to the fence often. In fact, every time I go out the back door she dashes over to see if I am bringing out a treat.

Not long after we bought Lucy, we decided to get her a goat companion, and we named the new girl, Millie. Again, not for any particular reason.

The first small animals were acquired to first clear the back three acres of brambles and brush, and boy did they. It looks like a park back there now. But I also got them to be companions for my horse. Since they are all herd animals, they do prefer company than being in a large fenced area alone.

Food? Do you have food for me?

Millie died last year of a snake bite, so that left me with one goat and one horse, which has been fine all winter as they are both in the back pasture together. However, when the horse gets moved to the front pasture for the summer, that would leave Lucy alone, so I got her a new companion; a little lamb, Marie. I did not name her, my neighbor  did. She was one of twins whose mother died after giving birth, so my neighbors hand-raised the two lambs, one male and one female. They named them, Donny and Marie. I didn't ask my neighbor why.

Could you make the goat leave me alone?

Right now, Lucy is not real happy about Marie being there. Lucy is a bit of a pig, so if Marie comes by Lucy's feed dish, or Lucy's hay, or the green stuff I have pulled and thrown over the fence, Lucy chases Marie off.

I hope she gets over it soon. I will be moving the horse to the front by the end of this month. The grass is looking good out there.

Wednesday's Guest

Today I want to introduce you to some of the cartoons done by humorist Tracy Farr. I have known Tracy since he shared his work with the readers of WinnsboroToday.com, back when I was Managing Editor of the online publication. He is a funny guy who writes about all kinds of topics from goats to banjos to driving a school bus. He knows about all three because he raises goats, plays a banjo, and drives a school bus. He also plays in a band and teaches school.

Here is a little teaser from a recent blog post he wrote: "Today is my brother’s birthday. His name is Scott. We grew up together in the suburbs of Dallas, and like most brothers, we didn't always see eye to eye – actually, we’ve NEVER seen eye to eye because he’s quite a bit taller than me. But that’s neither here nor there. We didn’t get along and it was mostly my fault. I didn’t realize it then, but I do now.

"My brother and I, although raised by the same parents, are as different as night and day. I went to college, and he got a job. He joined the Army, and I enlisted in the Air Force. He plays the drums, I play the banjo. He knows how to fix a car and make it run like new. I know that if I step on the little pedal thing, it will go."

Tracy started out just writing essays and blog pieces, but more recently has started a cartoon series titled:  Thinking Out Loud. Sometimes it is amusing and sometimes it is laugh-out-loud funny. If you would like to check it out, here is a link to the latest offering on his blog.

Sometimes it is good to do something just for fun. It's been said that laughing is a good stress reliever and Tracy is doing all he can to help everyone stay healthy.

Monday Morning Fun

It's been a while sine my friend Tracy Farr appeared on the blog. He has been busy trying to keep up with his goats..

‘The Great Goat Escape’ – a present-day adventure

There was a time when I had no goats. There was a time when I was a boring and pathetic excuse for a man. But now that I have goats, I live a life few dare to even dream of. So come with me now as I open up my journal and share one of my greatest goat adventures of all time: “The Great Goat Escape.”

3:30 – Left work early to make sure the goats were still in their pen. And were they? Of course not! And I could NOT figure out how they got out. Is it possible somebody LET them out, just to see me jump through hoops? Ah, I can think of a couple of people who’d stoop so low, but I don’t want to accuse anyone. Not me.

3:45 – Goats rounded up and back in pen. I think I’ll pretend to go inside, but instead, I’ll watch them from behind the bushes.

4:00 – Shhhh! Be still! I'm behind the bushes spying on my goats. I've got to figure out how they keep getting out! The key is to be sneakier than them. OH NO...I think they saw me!

4:10 – Okay, I’m in the house now looking through the back window. I’m munching away on a bag of chips, spying, and they’re just sitting…doing nothing. They probably “feel my presence” and are just waiting for me to give up. But I won’t. And I REFUSE to go to the kitchen and get a drink, 'cause that's when they'll escape – when my back's turned. I'm no idiot! And if I have to pee…well, I’ll just hold it until my bladder bursts ‘cause I’m NOT going to let these stinkin’ goats get the best of me – again.

4:27 – Okay, those chips were really salty and I could use an ice-cold drink. The goats are just sitting now; it looks like they’re dozing. So, I think if I run real fast, I might be able to pour me something and be back without…wait, it looks like they’re … no, they’re still sitting. Okay, here I go. One, two….

4:32 – Alright, I’m back. I even had time to… Hey, I wonder what that goat is looking at? She’s looking straight up into the sky as if she’s looking for a helicopter to come and break her out. Oh wait, she’s just scratching her back.

4:36 – Something’s happening. They’re moving around, rubbing against the fence. This looks like it might be it. “The Great Goat Escape.” No, wait, they’re down again. False alarm.

THEORY – There are some dead tree limbs in their pen. I leave them there because I’m too lazy to pick them up. I just wonder…is it possible they are using the limbs to pole vault over the top of the fence? It sure would explain a lot. I think this weekend I’ll get rid of those limbs.

4:51 – Okay, they’re both up and stretching.

4:52 – Now they’re back down and sitting.

4:53 – They’re both up again, pawing at the ground.

4:54 – Back down again.

THEORY REVISION – The pole vault idea was pretty dumb. I mean, they’d have to run pretty fast to get up and over, and those short stubby legs just can’t have enough strength to do the job. So, how ARE they doing it?

4:58 – Okay, they’re up again, moving toward the fence and now they’re…I can’t believe what I’m seeing! The mama goat is in a sitting position, with her front hooves together. She’s giving the other one an UPSIE! The little one’s up, now on her mother’s shoulder, and now she’s balancing on the edge of the fence like a tightrope walker. She’s reaching down a hoof, the mother has it…and now they’re BOTH over! If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. What an amazing feat (or hoof)!

Impossible you say? Well, of course. I just made the whole thing up because I was getting bored.

5:03 – Goats still resting on the ground.

6:26 – Holy Smokes! It’s dark outside! I must have fallen asleep. Oh well, the goats are still in their pen, and they never get out after dark. But just in case, I’m going to place three “obstacles” in front of places that look like easy escape routes. I’ll put the lawnmower in front of one; stick a huge dead tree limb in front of the second one; and the barbecue pit in front of the third. Hopefully, they’ll realize that if they escape tomorrow, I might just have to use the barbecue pit to take care of the problem once and for all.

I’ll be sure to keep you informed.

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Tracy Farr lives in East Texas with his wife and children and a number of goats. You can find more of his humor at his Web site He is also a regular columnist for WinnsboroToday.com, the online community magazine where I am Managing Editor.

Having Some Fun

Since I didn't have a clue what to write about today, I thought you all might enjoy a little fun from my friend, Tracy Farr...

This is part of his blog today titled: What the World Needs Now is More Hoopla

In the interest of being politically political for politics’ sake, I denounce my association with the Democratic Party, I shun any connection to the Republican Party, and I will not sit and be pandered to by the TEA Party, the Green Party, the Red & Blue Party, or the Tupperware Party.

Instead, I shall endeavor to style my own political party, herewith referred to as the Hoopla Under Farr Party (HUF), and turn it into a new grass-roots movement fashioned upon beliefs, values and principles that I hold near and dear to my heart.

Those beliefs, values and principles include the following:
1. If snow is falling anywhere within a county, parish or territory, officials in said county, parish or territory are legally bound to declare a Snow Day.

America did not ascend to its supremacy among countries by being dogmatic and narrow-minded. It got there through thinking outside of the box, through imaginativeness, through finding unique solutions to problems that didn’t even require answering, and more importantly, through spontaneity.

If America is to remain the greatest country on the planet, it behooves us to teach our children, through example, that being spontaneous is okay; that the world will not end if we do something out of the ordinary; and to embrace the unexpected is to embrace the future survival of our species.

Declaring a Snow Day is spontaneous. Staying at work or school when snow is falling is narrow-mindedness. Therefore, the HUF party advocates the immediate impeachment of all elected officials who do not declare a Snow Day upon the first drop of the fluffy white stuff.

To read the rest click HERE and go to his blog. If you take a few minutes to laugh, it is good for the soul, and your blood pressure.

A Flea's Best Friend

One thing you’ve got to love about dogs, they are loyal. Even in those worst-case scenarios we sometimes read about where dogs are neglected, or mistreated, or even horribly abused, 99 percent of the time they keep loving the abuser.

I thought about that today as I tried for the millionth time to get our little dog, Misha, to stop licking and biting herself. This has gotten to be such a persistent habit with her that I have started giving her a little nudge with my foot when I see her going at it with full vigor. My husband accuses me of kicking the dog, but I am not kicking the dog. I just give her a nudge because she can no longer hear me tell her to quit and the constant biting and licking leaves her red and sore.

Misha, seen here in her younger days when we first moved to Grandma’s Ranch, is about 16 years old. She spent half of her life in Omaha, Nebraska where her yard was not even as big as our house, and adapted to being a farm dog quite well. Although she wasn’t sure about the horse at first.

What she has never adapted to are the fleas. She has been allergic to them all her life and when she was the only pet we could keep them under control. Not so out in the country with so many animals. In addition to the horse, we have two goats – that don’t have fleas as far as I know – three cats and another dog, all of which do have fleas. Trying to keep them all free of fleas is quite a challenge, and I never seem to win the battle even though I do put flea deterrents on them regularly. Our veterinarian is a strong believer in using Revolution, but we need something stronger. I’m thinking something along the line of an artillery strike.

The sensitivity Misha has to fleas seems to have increased along with her age, although I suspect all the licking isn’t just due to the fleas. Old dogs do develop some pretty annoying habits. And this is big-time annoying.

It’s a good thing this loyalty business goes both ways.

More Humor From Tracy Farr

Just had to share this latest from my friend, Tracy Farr. Maybe I related just a bit too much, especially about the cats....

If we could talk to the animals, I’d run!

While a lot of very intelligent people are weighing in on health care, socialized medicine and obscenely high insurance rates, cows don’t give it a second thought. In fact, I’m sure if you were to even mention those things to a cow, it would look you straight in the eye and say, “Moo,” and really mean it.

Cows chew their cud, swat at flies, and never once worry about the things we worry about – which makes them pretty smart in my opinion. Sure, they eventually end up tasting mighty delicious on a plate with a bit of A1 Sauce, but up until that very moment, they don’t have a care in the world.

Scientists are now discovering that a lot of animals, just like cows, are more intelligent than we originally thought. No, they’re not smart enough to get your kid an A in calculus, but neither am I, which doesn’t prove a thing, so let’s continue with some absolutely true stories about smart animals.

Did you hear the one about the bird and the worm? The worm was floating in a glass of water, but because the water level was too low, the bird couldn’t reach it. Scientists gave the bird some stones, and before you could say, “nevermore,” the bird dropped the stones in the water, raising the water level and bringing the worm within easy reach.

If scientists were to put me in a room with a pile of rocks and a vat of water, and floating on the water was a cheeseburger – medium well but slightly out of my reach – I doubt very seriously I’d think of using the rocks to raise the water level. I might jump in, especially if it was an Angus Burger, but using rocks is for the birds.

So, how did this bird get so smart? Is it possible a new species of thinking, reasoning creatures that are able to use new math are gathering just under our noses? And if they are, why can’t we smell them? Don’t ask me – go ask your mother.

And then there’s the story about the chimps that can make and use tools (I usually buy and lose mine). They make spears out of tree limbs, jab them into other creatures and then eat them – which makes me have “Planet of the Apes” nightmares because it sounds less like they’re making tools, and more like they’re making weapons.

Dolphins, on the other hand, are too sneaky to need tools.

A dolphin was trained to bring up trash from his tank. Whenever he brought up trash, he was fed a “treat.”. One day, when the tank looked clean, the dolphin appeared with trash in his mouth, got his treat, but raised the suspicion of his trainer. The trainer discovered that the dolphin had made a cache of trash. Not only that, but instead of bringing up whole pieces, he was tearing off just bits of the trash, thus making his cache a long-lasting stash of trash. And what did this prove? That dolphins are sneaky – didn’t I already say that?

Finally, there’s a cat in my house and goats in my yard that are living proof that animals are smarter than we give them credit for. The cat meows at the door and I get up to let her out. I don’t want to. I fight against it. But the cat has trained me so well that I just give in and do what I’m told. Life is so much easier (and there’s less cat poop on the carpet) when you do what you’re told.

As for the goats: When the goats get out of their pen, I rattle a bucket of feed at them, they start following me, and I feed them when they get back into their pen. But the last time they escaped, I only had cat food. When I rattled the cat food at them, they followed, but refused to eat it. Minutes later, the goats were out again, but when I rattled the cat food, they just stared at me as if they were saying, “Listen my fine fellow, your entrées are very upsetting to our stomachs and we prefer to dine instead on these succulent weeds and grasses. So be a good fellow, run along and make sure our Cadillac is ready when we are.”

It sounded a whole lot like, “Baaaaaah” to my ears – but what do I know? I’m not as smart as a goat!

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Tracy Farr is a musician and humorist, and in his spare time he drives a school bus. You can find more fun stuff at Stinky Creek , Texas

Beware of Goat Profiling

Another offering from my friend Tracy Farr... He really has a goat fetish...

I, like many of you, watch television whether or not there is anything good on, not because there isn’t anything better to do, but because it’s our God given American right to do it. But to be honest, I spend most of that time thinking about an epidemic that is sweeping the nation – an epidemic so profound, it could change the world as we know it. I’m talking about Goat Profiling.

Do you have any idea how many men and women have lost jobs just because their employer discovered they were raising goats? Me neither, but it’s bound to be huge. And what business is it to them anyway? Does raising a goat in the back yard solely for the purpose of getting rid of a few shrubs indicate that a person is a sub-standard worker? Of course not.

But word is out that some employers are outright asking in job interviews whether or not we have goats. Just ask Harold Bright.

“I went on a job interview the other day, everything was going great, and then the employer asked if I have goats,” said Bright. “When I indicated that I did, you could tell in his eyes that the interview was over. I never had trouble getting a job before I owned goats.”

In a recent survey, people who have a few goats in the back yard are half as likely to get a job than non goat owners, but it’s very hard to prove goat discrimination said Lawyer Judith Best.

“Every day we hear stories about men and women who are denied a job solely because they have goats,” Best said. “But in most states, it’s not illegal for employers to ask the goat question just as long as they ask it of all job applicants.”

And that’s what gets Harold Bright’s goat.

“Does the fact that I have a few goats make me a less-dependable worker? I don’t think so,” said Bright. “But until Congress passes a law stating that goat profiling is illegal, we goat owners will forever be passed over for employment.”

Do you believe you have encountered discrimination at work because you have goats? If so, call the I Have A Goat But No Job Hotline, and voice your concerns.
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Stinky Creek Texas -- An equal opportunity employer

Why men like dogs and women like cats

As a change of pace from the last entry, here is another bit of humor from my friend, Tracy Farr....

Have you ever given much thought to why a majority of men prefer dogs and a majority of women prefer cats? I have. Not that I really care. But last Tuesday, having nothing better to do, I sat down and gave the question my undivided attention. Thirty minutes was just about all I could stand.

I believe men prefer dogs because dogs behave exactly the way a man wishes his woman would behave, but never will because women are smarter than that.

Dogs will fetch without complaining. They come when they’re called. T hey don’t mind rolling over to have their tummies scratched. And they’re always happy to wag a bit of tail. They don’t need extra time to “put on their face. ” They never grumble about how much football you watch. You can train them to do just about anything, and they never complain about how much more Debbie Howard’s husband makes compared to you.

Dogs have a one-track mind – they want to please. Women on the other hand are multi-faceted creatures that want to please up to a point – and if you don’t take out the trash, you’ll never get to that point.

Men would marry dogs if they could, but I think it’s illegal.

I have no idea why women prefer cats. I think it’s because cats purr. But other than that, cats and men have practically the same qualities – all of which are hated by women.

Cats stay out late at night and never tell you where they’ve been. They never come when called (unless it pertains to food), and they’re always spitting up globs of gunk that shouldn’t have been able to survive in their digestive system in the first place.

Cats leave hairs all over the place. They bring dead animals home and expect you to be impressed. They disappear whenever work needs to be done, and they expect you to clean up their poop because heaven knows they won’t do it themselves.

Women would never marry cats because that’s stupid. Besides, how would a cat support a family? On dead birds? I think not!

I told my man/woman, dog/cat theory to a good friend of mine. She said it was all bunk. She prefers dogs and her husband prefers cats.

As for me, I prefer goats. Goats aren’t like men or women. Goats are like goats. And as long as they eat my grass so I don’t have to mow, the more the merrier.