Ghosts of Blogs Past

Since it is getting closer and closer to Christmas, and I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger (although I've never understood that old adage) I thought I would take a cue from The Blood Red Pencil blog and share some of my older posts that were most popular. Off and on I have had several regular contributors here. These are writers who used to contribute to the online community magazine where I was the Managing Editor. Tracy Farr was one of those writers, and he gave me permission to share some of his fun here on this blog. 

This piece ran on December 12, 2008

It's more than just a haircut

Our country is going through some dire times. Banks are collapsing, the American auto industry is hitting speed bumps, and people are just not buying executive jets like they used to. So, it is up to us -- you and me -- to get this economy going again, and that's why I did my patriotic duty this weekend and got a haircut.

Tim is my barber. He's been cutting my hair for almost 15 years. He knows exactly how I like it cut without me having to tell him. And if Tim's barbershop goes under, so goes the country.

It's a known fact that my money ($10 plus a dollar tip) helps to keep Tim and many others in business. 

When I pay Tim for my haircut, he spends it on things like rent, shaving cream and magazine subscriptions. His landlord is happy to be able to keep landlording, the shaving cream company is happy to continue delivering Tim's favorite shaving cream, and the magazines are happy because they are assured they can print next month's edition.

Tim takes a portion of that $10 as his salary and spends it at Wal-Mart, thus guaranteeing job security for the Associates. The Associates use their 10 percent discount to buy T-shirts and Jessica Simpson posters, thus guaranteeing that the T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson stay in business. The T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson are so happy to be making money that they decide to work together and make a Jessica Simpson T-shirt, which the Wal-Mart Associates buy in bulk and wear on their days off.

Since Jessica reaps the benefits of being worn all over the place, she takes her cut of the profits and produces a Christmas special, thus employing a bunch of Hollywood types who know just how to make a cheesy TV program but wouldn't be caught dead wearing a Jessica Simpson T-shirt. These Hollywood types produce "The Jessica Simpson Wish You Were Here Holiday Christmas Sing-A-Long Special" and make millions on advertising by airing it on prime time TV, thus causing simple folk like you and me to say, “How can they get away with putting this goat poop on television?” at which time we turn off the TV and get down on the floor to play games with our kids.

Because of my little $10 haircut, hundreds of people are employed, millions of dollars exchange hands, thousands of bottles of hand sanitizer are emptied trying to keep all those germs at bay, families all over this great nation are doing something family-ish, and I feel like I've done my part in bringing this country back from the brink of disaster.

So what are you waiting for? Our country needs us! Go get a haircut, and together we shall save the world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can meet Tracy at his website The Farr Place, where you can also find more humor. Be forewarned. He likes to write about goats.

Here's another bit of humor from my friend, Tracy Farr..... This post orginally appeared December 2008.

 Here's another bit of humor from my friend, Tracy Farr..... This post orginally appeared December 2008. 

It's more than just a haircut

Our country is going through some dire times. Banks are collapsing, the American auto industry is hitting speed bumps, and people are just not buying executive jets like they used to. So, it is up to us -- you and me -- to get this economy going again, and that's why I did my patriotic duty this weekend and got a haircut.

 

Tim is my barber. He's been cutting my hair for almost 15 years. He knows exactly how I like it cut without me having to tell him. And if Tim's barbershop goes under, so goes the country.

It's a known fact that my money ($10 plus a dollar tip) helps to keep Tim and many others in business. When I pay Tim for my haircut, he spends it on things like rent, shaving cream and magazine subscriptions. His landlord is happy to be able to keep landlording, the shaving cream company is happy to continue delivering Tim's favorite shaving cream, and the magazines are happy because they are assured they can print next month's edition.

 

Tim takes a portion of that $10 as his salary and spends it at Wal-Mart, thus guaranteeing job security for the Associates. The Associates use their 10 percent discount to buy T-shirts and Jessica Simpson posters, thus guaranteeing that the T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson stay in business. The T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson are so happy to be making money that they decide to work together and make a Jessica Simpson T-shirt, which the Wal-Mart Associates buy in bulk and wear on their days off.

Since Jessica reaps the benefits of being worn all over the place, she takes her cut of the profits and produces a Christmas special, thus employing a bunch of Hollywood types who know just how to make a cheesy TV program but wouldn't be caught dead wearing a Jessica Simpson T-shirt. These Hollywood types produce "The Jessica Simpson Wish You Were Here Holiday Christmas Sing-A-Long Special" and make millions on advertising by airing it on prime time TV, thus causing simple folk like you and me to say, “How can they get away with putting this goat poop on television?” at which time we turn off the TV and get down on the floor to play games with our kids.

 

Because of my little $10 haircut, hundreds of people are employed, millions of dollars exchange hands, thousands of bottles of hand sanitizer are emptied trying to keep all those germs at bay, families all over this great nation are doing something family-ish, and I feel like I've done my part in bringing this country back from the brink of disaster.

 

So what are you waiting for? Our country needs us! Go get a haircut, and together we shall save the world!

_____________________________________________________
The Daily Spittoon -- Almost worth a shave and a haircut!

Wednesday's Guest - Slim Randles

Here is another offering from humorist, Slim Randles, and his "Home Country" syndicated column. 

By the time we saw Dud, of course, the damage had been done.

It was Steve who spoke first.

"I don't believe it," the tall cowboy said.

We all turned then, and the full impact of the deed struck us almost simultaneously. There, on Dud's head, was a sculpture of such blasphemous proportions as would silence all of us in attendance at the Mule Barn truck stop's philosophy counter and world dilemma think tank. It was beautiful, of course, but it was also tragic.

"They call it feathered," said Dud, turning red. "A razor cut."

We just stared at the haircut without saying anything. It curved gracefully around his ears, it waved softly in sculptured layers over the top of his head. It fell in gradually decreasing thicknesses down the long back slope of his head toward its tapered termination at the neck.

"It was Anita's idea," Dud said. "She gave me the money for it and everything."

Finally, Doc spoke. "What's Kelly going to say?"

"That's the worst of it, all right," Dud said. "I know he's going to be hurt."
  
Kelly hadn't really worried too much about the future of his barbershop when Fantasy Fantails set up shop. He assumed it was a haircutting place for women who didn't want to take the time to go to the beauty parlor, and for guys who came to live in our small town from the city.

Kelly's has always been the stronghold of local manhood. The magazines had nothing to do with decorating a house or how your investments are working out. The magazines had everything to do with what kind of bait to use on catfish and how big an engine your pickup needed to pull a large boat. You wouldn't find a single advertisement showing a guy wearing a sweater tied around his neck. Not at Kelly's. In the past, when magazines were magazines, you could read how some guy captured Gestapo headquarters with his headhunter brides.

"Well," said Doc, shrugging. "That haircut of yours is a work of art, without a doubt. But there's at least one good thing about getting a really expensive haircut, Dud. Sooner or later, it'll grow out."
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Brought to you by Slim’s new book and great stocking stuffer “A Cowboy’s Guide to Growing Up Right.” Learn more at http://www.nmsantos.com/Slim/Slim.html