Book Review- Mommy A to Z by Meredith Hale

Mommy A to Z
Meredith Hale
File Size: 2893 KB
Print Length: 158 pages
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Language: English
ASIN: B00KIC4X0S


The full title of this humorous book about raising "tiny humans" is Mommy A to Z: An Encyclopedia of the Joys, Wonders, and Absurdities of Motherhood and the book is broken into chapters headed by, you guessed it, the letters of the alphabet. Each chapter has funny anecdotes and clever parenting advice, such as what to do with the overflow of artwork that your child wants attached to the refrigerator and how to deal with the young artist's ego when she notices a treasure is no longer there.

Meredith said that this is not a how-to parenting book, but she does offer tidbits of wisdom along with the witty commentary on the antics of her children. When she wrote about letting go of our children in small increments, that really resonated with me. She mentioned all the little ways that her daughter was asserting her independence and wrote: "But this was the first time I'd had to let go, to grant her some independence. It was a glimpse into part of what motherhood is: putting what's right for your child ahead of what's necessarily comfortable for yourself."

Having raised five children, I can attest to that push-and-pull between wanting to hold them tightly and learning to set them free.

Meredith also says in her introduction that sometimes laughter is the only barrier between motherhood and madness, and to that I can also attest. I got my start as a professional writer doing a weekly humor column that kept me from permanent residency in the closest mental hospital. Laughter is so good for us in so many ways, and certainly does make the "medicine" of parenting go down a whole lot easier.

While I marveled at how mothering has changed in the, ahem, many years since my kids were toddlers, there were still so many parts of the book I could relate to. So many sections had me laughing out loud, I was so glad I had swallowed my coffee beforehand. The book is written from a mother's perspective, but I think many fathers would enjoy reading it, too. It is a warm, funny, wonderful testament to the joys of motherhood.

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About the Author:
Meredith Peters Hale is an editor and writer whose work has appeared on sites including The Huffington Post, Pampers.com and WhattoExpect.com. She has recently launched a new humor blog based on her book, MommyAtoZblog.com. Meredith currently resides in Westchester, New York, with her husband and two feisty (and energetic) children.

Meredith will be my guest this coming Wednesday, sharing a fun author interview conducted by her young daughter, who considers herself a princess. Please do try to come back to visit on Wednesday. In the meantime you can connect with Meredith on her other  BLOG, FACEBOOK, GOODREADS, TWITTER and at her WEBSITE

 Buy the book at Amazon *** Barnes and Noble *** Apple

Book Review - What's Wrong WIth My Family by Gary L. Malone MD and Susan Mary Malone

What's Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
Gary L. Malone & Susan Mary Malone
Paperback: 172 pages
Publisher: Authorlink (January 7, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1928704425
ISBN-13: 978-1928704423

This book opens with a quote from Viktor Frankl, from his wonderful book Man's Search for Meaning. "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Showing people how to put that into practice is the main point of this book. As the product description says, we can't escape our families and the foibles that come with many people interrelating, so we have to find a way to live an emotionally healthy life despite the issues we bring from our past. "A book of hope, it shows that no matter where you come from, you can live your best life anyway."

The progression of the book is from introducing the varying levels of dysfunction in a family that can stem from parenting issues, difficulties with blended families, sibling rivalry, and in-laws, to finding normalcy. Each chapter ends with a "What you can use" section, which is a summation of the points made in the chapter with suggestions on how to put those points into action.

Even though the book is written by a mental health professional, Gary L. Malone, it is not heavily laden with wordage that makes a reader stop and say, "huh?" The language in the book is easily understood, lively, and very engaging.

I especially liked the fact that the authors used examples from literature to make a point. For example: "Each person must make it in the big water on his own. As Hemingway's fisherman thinks in The Old Man and the Sea; 'His choice had been to stay out in the deep dark water far out beyond all snares and traps and treacheries. My choice was to go there and find him.' The operative word here being choice. To live your best life, navigating the far seas must be an acceptable option in your own psyche."

There is also plenty of sound advice in how to make good choices. For instance, in the chapter on parenting, the authors promote finding a good balance between being a "Tiger Mom" and leaving a child on his own so much that it appears nobody cares whether he succeeds or not. The authors encourage this balance as well as boundaries; a child needs to be a child first, then an adult.

There is much to be learned from this book no matter your age or circumstance. Since we all come from families and have to deal with those pesky family issues that continue to influence us, we can find good advice within these pages.

Please come back on Wednesday when Susan will be my guest here. She will share a little bit about how this book came to be and what it is like to write with a sibling.

Parents - Stand Back

 I recently read an interesting article by Madeline Levine,  a psychologist, educator, and co-founder of Challenge Success a project birthed at Stanford's School of Education. She wrote about the dangers of overparenting and said that "Fostering autonomy is key to rearing successful kids."

Gosh. I knew that. Some years ago I even tried to market a parenting book that espoused that approach, but I guess people listen to a psychologist or some other professional before they listen to just a mom.

When my kids were young, I fostered lots of autonomy. I remember one day in particular. Our oldest was in first or second grade, and she forgot to take her homework when she left for school. The teacher called and asked me to bring the homework in. She knew I only lived a block away, and it would only take a few minutes to run over with said forgotten homework.

I said, "No."

There was dead silence for a moment, and then she asked why not. Did I not realize what effect not having the homework turned in would have on my daughter's grade. I told her I did realize that, but since I had no plans to follow our daughter to college with forgotten homework, I thought she should learn now to take care of her own responsibilities.

The teacher was stunned. Our daughter was not real thrilled with me for a few days, but they both got over it.

That daughter went on to make her way through some rough times, graduated from college, raised three wonderful children, and runs her own successful educational consulting business. She is one of the strongest women I know, and I'd like to think I helped her get that way.

One of the biggest concerns of parents today seems to be not wanting their child to be unhappy. Madeline says, "If you can't stand to see your child unhappy, you are in the wrong business."

She cautions against rushing in too quickly to shield our children from failure or trying to solve their own problems. That "deprives them of the tools they will need to handle the inevitable difficult, challenging, and sometimes devastating demands of life."

I know a mother's instinct is to protect her child, but sometimes it is better to stand back and let them build strength for themselves.

In Ms. Levine's 25 years of counseling children in Marin County in CA, she has seen an interesting trend. "The happiest, most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, or almost capable of doing; and their parent do not do things for them that satisfy their own needs rather than the needs of the child."

Our role as parents is to raise children who are then able to step out into the world with confidence and an ability to handle that wide reality out there.

How do you balance helping your children when needed and giving them the freedom to fly? Do you believe in pushing them out of the nest?

Book Review - Benchmarks: A Single Mother's Illustrated Journal

Benchmarks: A Single Mother's Illustrated Journal
Bodie Parkhurst
E-book and Paperback  2011
Amazon

 This is a touching memoir of a single mother's journey with her son, Alex, from the time he first enters her life until he is ready to start a life of his own. All mothers will relate to the connectedness she has with her son through all those special, and not so special, moments that touched this journey, and single mothers especially will cheer for those times the many challenges were met and conquered.

Bodie acknowledges that her experience was not the same as many single mothers. She had a job that allowed her to work at home and still provide financially. She also had the support of family and friends. Things that not all single mothers can count on; but weight of the sole responsibility is the same. It is hard to parent when you are the only adult in the house day after day.

In the midst of all the work involved in raising a child, Bodie also recognized that "the shining moments that remind us that single or not, we love being mothers" are worth sharing.  She hopes that "reading about my moments will shine a light on the moments in your own life when the simple experience of looking at your child and recognizing the gift of joy that each child holds in his or her hands is enough."

The memoir is beautifully written with language as picturesque as the many illustrations. Bodie has certainly blended her artistic creativity well.  It is also frank and honest in her struggle with depression and the spiritual desert she finds herself in at times.

I smiled, I laughed, and I cried and I cheered as I read this book.

This little jewel deserves more attention. It's like those indie movies that don't get the push they deserve and are missed by too many people. I highly recommend this book.

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Bodie Parkhurst has been writing and illustrating stories since third grade. She has worked as a reader, a tutor, a ranch hand, a mechanic, a truck driver, a dairy maid, a writer, an editor, a fine artist, an illustrator, and a designer.

Sex Eduction for Kindergartners?

Recent news reports about schools in Montana that are considering adopting a sex ed course for early elementary students have been flying around the Internet. This latest on the topic was on FoxNews.com: 

 "According to the 62-page draft proposal, beginning in kindergarten, school nurses will teach students proper terms such as "nipple, breast, penis, scrotum and uterus." Once they are promoted to first grade, children will learn that sexual relations could happen between two men or two women. By the time students are 10 years old, instruction will include the various ways people can have intercourse, be it vaginally, orally or through anal penetration."

I've tried to ignore this story, hoping people would come to their senses and it would just go away, but apparently it isn't going to.  The school superintendent of the Helena school district is pushing for the curriculum, saying that the schools share a responsibility for making sure children are informed about the risks of certain behaviors.

Opponents of the plan sharply criticize the idea of giving such specific details about sexual acts to children as young as ten.

I've got to say I am on their side.

There seems to be no childhood anymore. No time of innocence.  Children are exposed to too much, too soon in regards to sex and sexual activity. If children below the age of 10 were not battered with sexual content and sexual images all around them, maybe their natural curiosity about such things would wait until they were a little older and better able to process the information. 

And this type of detailed sex education belongs in the home, to the parents, who are the best judge of when their child is ready for it.

What do you think?

Give the Gift of Generosity

Several of my writer friends have shared special holiday essays with me, and here is another one from a regular contributor to WinnsboroToday.com Imelda Tatsch is the Program Director at the Northeast Texas Child Advocacy Center (NETCAC) located in Winnsboro, and her "Caring For Kids" columns also appear in their bi-monthly newsletter. In "Caring for Kids" she offers support, insight, and a touch of humor for parents and grandparents. Enjoy....

Christmas is HERE! We just finished off the last of the turkey leftovers and here we are just days from the big day….Where time goes I do not know, but it sure seems to be going there faster every year.

This year we have rarely heard any good news on television or read anything hopeful in the newspapers. With all that being said, I would expect very little in the way of help for those in need. This is certainly not the case here in Northeast Texas. At least not that I have seen in recent weeks.

If you are a regular reader of these articles, you know that I work at the Child Advocacy Center. Each year we see several hundred children from the eight counties we serve. The children have possibly suffered either severe physical or sexual abuse, or may have witnessed a violent crime. Abuse is no respecter of age, gender, or social class. Many of our families are put in desperate situations due to the obvious interruptions to life when something like abuse takes place. The entire family is affected.

This can take a toll on the finances of an already struggling family. To ease some of this stress during the Christmas season, we offer our Angel Tree Program to the families of children that have been through the center during the year. Families are given the opportunity to place their children on the angel tree and while many decline the offer, many more feel the need to accept. This offer is not limited to only the child or children that come through the center but for their siblings as well. Our angel tree list includes families of one child to often as many as seven or more. This is where my favorite word for the month comes into play…. GENEROSITY!!!!

In a time when we only hear of the negative economic conditions, we have been extremely blessed by an outpouring of love for these children.

We know that the economy has brought several to the edge of desperation. The need is there and just as the need has risen, so have those with the heart of love. They feel such gratefulness for their own blessings that they have shared with generosity beyond measure. Because of this many children will have something for Christmas this year. Those caring for these children; parents’ grand parents or other extended family members are very grateful. They often tell us that without what they receive from the Angel Tree Program the children would have nothing at all. We are forever grateful to all of you who have opened your hearts to our little angels this year.

I realize this space is allotted to me to write something more specific to parenting or raising children. So, this is my two cents worth of advice for this month! If you are so blessed to have your children with you and your family, though you may struggle at times is functioning and remains “intact” then you are greatly blessed. Share that blessing with others and teach your children to be generous. This does not have to cost you a dime. Be GENEROUS with your time, your words of kindness, and a friendly smile. A few years ago someone started a challenge to counter the reports of “random acts of violence” with “random acts of kindness”.

Maybe we can revive this practice.

If children really are our future, what kind of future do we want? They will only know from what we teach them…Their eyes are always on you, so when you think of what kind of person you want your child to be, look in the mirror, do you see that person? Children learn what they live and as you know they don’t always do what you tell them but they will do what you teach them through your actions.

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Socially Unacceptable

Today I'm fulfilling the promise I made last Saturday to post the next section of one of the chapters of my new book that I introduced HERE This chapter is titled "Socially Unacceptable" and first deals with the fun of social groups in high school. Here is the next section....

People may grow up, but they don’t really grow up, and it seems we are destined to play these silly little social games until the day we die. The way we play them just becomes more subtle and harder to figure out.

I realized that one day when my oldest daughter was lamenting the fact that her best friend had suddenly qualified for the Popular group, while she was still relegated to something closer to Outcast. Overnight it had become socially unacceptable for said friend to associate with Anjanette. I was in the middle of my Mommy Speech 112, telling her to buck up, that this, too, shall pass, when I realized it wouldn’t.

It certainly hadn’t for me. And I think my brother-in-law summed it up aptly one day when we were looking at homes in a “tony” part of town. I mentioned one that I particularly liked and he said, “You can’t buy this house. You wouldn’t fit in.”

I looked at the woman jogging past in her designer track suit – she wasn’t even breaking a sweat in the 90 plus temperatures – and realized he was right. My blue jean cut offs and penchant for doing my own yard work would not make it in this neighborhood.

I amended my talk to Anjanette that day and told her that nothing was going to change. “So you can either learn to thumb your nose at them or figure out how to operate within the system.”

Later, I would tell a variation of that sermon to each of our kids, and it is interesting to see how they have chosen to respond. Some of them followed in my footsteps and opted out of the social games, while playing just enough to be successful in their careers.

Luckily, they figured out the subtle nuances of social interaction quicker than I did.

Nuance number one: People don’t always mean what they say.

Gosh. I always thought they did. I do, so I figured everyone else did, too, as evidenced by the time I dropped in at my neighbor’s for coffee. This was when I first moved to Texas and I had just met this neighbor. As I left after our first meeting she said, “Y’all come back, now, ya hear.”

So I did. A week later I was lonely for friends in Michigan, so I decided to visit my new friend down the street. I rang her doorbell and when she answered her expression clearly indicated that she did not expect “drop by” company. To her credit, she was gracious and invited me in, but the chill could have cooled a small stadium.

Nuance number two: People can smile and treat you like a dear friend while secretly wishing you would drop off the edge of the earth.

I won’t even go into how I learned that fact. Suffice it to say, I did. But I haven’t learned how to do it myself and I’m sure there are times it would come in handy. Like the time I tried to work on a PTA fundraiser with the woman who had reported David to the principal for pushing her Timmy into the mud and ruining his Izod shirt. Of course, she didn’t report that darling Timmy punched David in the nose first.

I could have happily gone the rest of my life without having to see that woman again after our shouting match in the principal’s office, but, no, she had to volunteer to man the cake-walk booth with me.

Nuance number three: Despite the old adage of not judging a book by its cover, people judge you by how you look all the time.

Oh, they won’t come right out and say, “Where on earth did you get those jeans and that shirt.” Or, “Would you like the name of my hairdresser.”

Okay, some women might. But most will simply smile politely when you try to join their group at a party and tighten up the ranks. It’s a very similar to what happens with nuance number two, and some people must practice for years to perfect the smile and the slight.

If Life is a Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing in The Pits?

I remember when I first read Erma Bombeck’s wonderful book I thought she made up all the craziness she wrote about. But I also thought that maybe somewhere in the midst of her jokes would be some tidbit of wisdom that would help me get a handle on the insanity at my house. Alas, all I got was a good laugh.

Looking back on those early years when the kids were young – five between the ages of 7 and 1 – I wonder how we survived with sanity intact. Or maybe that’s the deal. Our sanity is not intact. We only think it is.

But also looking back, I don’t know that I would have changed much about it. Oh, maybe it would have been nice to be rich, or even comfortable financially. I would have loved a bigger house to contain a growing family. And we could have done without some of the turmoil along the way. What I would never want to change, however, is the fun we had, or even the nonsense that became funny long after the fact.

Such as the morning my doorbell rang at six o’clock. I didn’t think anyone would be paying a social call at that hour, so it had to be an emergency. I jumped out of bed, tripped over the dog, stubbed my toe and jump-hopped to the door. Opened said door to see my neighbor, Jessica, holding the hands of my twins. “Do these belong to you?”

Yikes. No doubt. There they were. Paul and Dany dressed in Sesame Street PJs and nothing else. Well, actually they each also had a diaper, hanging low from a night’s accumulation.

“Oh my gosh,” I said, pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t still asleep and having a nightmare.

“I found them walking down the street,” Jessica said. She was holding the twins away from her suit, the effort making her look like a scarecrow—if a scarecrow would ever be dressed in a Brooks Brothers suit.

I reached out to take their hands. “I am so sorry. I have no idea how they got outside.”
Her look said, “Of course not.” But she offered a smile. One of those “we are both women in this rat race together” smiles.

But we weren’t in the same rat race at all.

Jessica, without child, was a financial advisor. She went to work everyday. If we lived in New York and not a suburb of Dallas, she might have been on her way to assault Wall Street in that finely turned out suit. I, on the other hand, was dressed to assault the kitchen in my tee shirt and Capri pants. She didn’t even have a hair out of place – despite the wind whipping down our street at about 25 MPH – and mine was a tangled mess. Her make-up could have been applied by a pro, I didn’t even know where my make up was.

“It’s a good thing I found them,” Jessica said, putting a great deal of emphasis on the “I”. “Otherwise God knows what could have happened.”

“Yes, you’re right.” What else could I say? Her logic was perfect. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

I hurried the twins inside before Jessica could say anything else to make me feel lower than a worm.

In the twins’ bedroom, I discovered how the great escape had occurred. The screen was pushed out of the low window facing the porch. No doubt, thanks to Dany. She was the reason there was no furniture in the room and the crib mattresses were on the floor and the bureau was turned against the wall. At nine months of age, Dany had started walking. And climbing. She climbed over the crib rails to get in bed with Paul.

Then she discovered that she could pull the dresser drawers out and use them like a ladder to get to all the interesting stuff on top of the dresser. Forget curtains. She’d pulled them down so many times it wasn’t worth the effort to put them back.

And don’t you dare ask me where the discipline was. I challenge anyone to try to discipline a one-year-old. Especially since most of these shenanigans occurred in the middle of the night. When was I supposed to sleep?

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NOTE* This is more from my new book in progress