You may have noticed, if you have kids or grandkids between the ages of 7 and 10, that there is a level of socialization that is more intense than it ever used to be. Very young girls are forming exclusive friendships and pledging to be best friends forever. (BFF)
That is scary on so many levels, as pointed out by one mother in an op-ed piece for The Dallas Morning News. Julie Blair wrote about her daughter's experience when the current BFF dumped her for another BFF. That act was accompanied by lots of tears and angst, and it made Julie take a look at the topic in a new way. "Third grade in 2013 seems a sorting-hat year: Girls are reportedly
pairing off at recess. These 8- and 9-year-old children have begun to
figure out where and with whom they fit in. They pick up and drop BFFs
like toddlers do colorful plastic toys. While some do it with grace,
others are hurtful.
Few seem to realize the importance and downright fun of having an entire playground posse."
This article resonated with me because it deals with a social situation that has probably been going on for centuries. I know it has passed through several generations in my family. I clearly remember the first two years of high school being buffeted by the "friendship whims" of my peers. Then my oldest daughter experienced that in 8th grade. Then my oldest granddaughter experienced that in 6th grade. Most recently my younger granddaughters have been experiencing it in 4th grade.
See the pattern here?
When I wrote my young-adult novel, Friends Forever, that deals with these friendship whims, I really hoped that as we got better at parenting and kids got smarter and more aware of how their behavior affects others, that this problem would diminish.
I'm disappointed that it hasn't.
I'm also disappointed to see businesses and the media encouraging this new phenomenon. According to Ms. Blair, "American companies like Disney continue to promote the idea of exclusivity between young girls. Not
only should you have a BFF, they teach on a good majority of their
tween television shows, but you should both get matching T-shirts and
jammies to tell the world that you’re going steady. If those are in the
wash, you can buy binders, photo frames or locker magnets to announce
I am also disappointed in the parents who encourage their girls to buy into all of this. The parents think it is cute, and they are treating their children like little adults. They are not little adults. They are children, not ready for the emotional entanglements involved in all this BFF stuff. That type of dependence and exclusivity is something that most people share with a life-partner.
That usually comes a long time after 3rd grade.
Now that I have that off my chest, here is something that might interest you if you are into fantasy and sci-fi stories. A group of authors are doing The World Building Blog Hop hosted by Sharon Bayliss. Today they are letting readers know how they created their make-believe worlds. This morning I read a piece by Yolanda Renee and it was pretty interesting. Since I set my stories in the real world, I am not participating in the blog hop, but I will read some of the blogs. It is always fun to discover new worlds.