Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Not Your Ordinary Dentist

Here is yet another bit of humor from our friend, Slim Randles. Enjoy....

Those of us who call this little valley home have a unique blessing in the form of Perry, our dentist. Yes, when we go to get the fangs fixed up at O’Dontall Dental, down in the old brick building near the office of the Valley Weekly Miracle, the grinding and scraping and numbing and lip shaking is accompanied by  … well … acting. 

You see, Perry worked his way through dental school by treading the boards … acting on stage, that is. When all was said and done and he received his final mouth mirror, he’d become a darn fine dentist, and could quote Shakespeare and others at the drop of a hat. And he’d even drop the hat for you. 

It was like that for Dud recently, when he went in for his six-month check-up and polish job. 

“Ah, Dudley,” Perry said, peering into his mouth, “the years have favored you kindly in the mouth department. Very little cleaning to do.” 

“Ahhhks,” Dud said. 

“You’re welcome. Here’s a scraper on number six, however. I can only say, as I scrape … out, out damned spot! Leave and take with thee the spectre of decay! Begone and tarry no more to add to the misery of my boon companion!” 

Dr. O’Dontall sometimes uses his native Irish accent to emphasize things, as well. 

“’Tis brushing after every meal you be, Dudley, my eyes tell me true…” 


“That’s right fine, lad, right fine. And thanking you kindly for years to come your mouth will be, for efforts now lead to years of chewing free …” 

“Ahhhks,” Dud mumbled. 

“You’re welcome.” 

Perry doesn’t even charge extra for this.

Brought to you by the award-winning book Home Country, available at


LD Masterson said...

Not sure I want my dentist doing Shakespeare. Maybe standup comedy.

Maryann Miller said...

Then how can you laugh? (smile)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Our dentist likes to yammer while I'm in his chair, too, but he never quotes Shakespeare. More's the pity.

Maryann Miller said...

Good one, Susan. (smile)

WS Gager said...

I would prefer Shakespeare to my hygienist talking about her kids. Maybe I will suggest some poetry next time the fangs needs shampooing.

Helen Ginger said...

My dentist talks constantly. To me. To the assistant. To whoever is around. I'd nap, but it's hard to do with your mouth stretched open. And his office is unbelievably cold. So cold, I have him drape the lead shield over me.

Marian Allen said...

As long as he doesn't quote from A COMEDY OF ERRORS. Errors in a dentist's chair ain't no kinda funny!

Marian Allen
Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

Maryann Miller said...

I really don't care for chatty hygienists or dentists, since I can't really respond. I feel like a spectator and would rather just have some nice soothing music playing.

Helen, I always take a sweater when I go to office visits now. Gosh, I feel like my Mom. LOL

LOL, Marian. You really don't want to hear "oops" from a medical professional. Or any other.

Jody Worsham said...

Hi, saw your comment on "Starting Over Accepting Changes, Maybe". I love your dentist piece. Wish my dentist had a sense of humor or something. I gripe the arm rests so hard I leave indentations. Jody, The Medicare Mom at