Sex is Not a Toy

... Or is it?

When I wrote the first draft of my woman's novel, Play It Again, Sam, one of the issues I wanted to address in the story was the growing cavalier attitude about sex. This was back in the early 90s, and I had a contract for the book from Kennsington for their To Love Again series, which they dropped just before my book came out. The book languished for a while, then came out as an e-book a few years ago.

In the story, the central character, Samantha, is divorced after 25 years of marriage and one of the myriad questions she faces is what is she to do about sex. The normal human desires are there, but she no longer has a partner. Her friend, Margaret, encourages her to find someone and just have fun, but Sam doesn't feel like that is something she can do. "I've been preaching to my kids about the dangers of casual sex. How can I be a hypocrite?"

In many ways that reflects my attitude about casual sex, and I was dismayed to read a recent article in The Dallas Morning News, Waiting to Wed by Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker.  In the article they write that young adults, whom they keep referring to as emerging adults, are waiting longer and longer to get married, while pursuing active sex lives before hand. They quote psychologist Jeffrey Arnett, "Those who do not experiment with different partners are warned that they will eventually wonder what they are missing, to the detriment of their marriage."

Who hasn't played that what-if game about sex and about a lot of other things in life? But is doesn't have to be a detriment. Think about it, even fantasize a bit if you want, then get back to appreciating what you have. 

The article continues to support the benefits of exploring different relationships, "...there is value placed on flexibility, autonomy, change, and the potential for upgrading."

What? Is this like buying a car? Let's start with a GEO and end up with a LEXUS?

One of the major reasons cited for delaying marriage was a belief that getting married signaled the end of really good sex.  Hmmmm, most of my contemporaries would disagree. Just thinking about.... no, never mind.

My point is, sexual intercourse is one of the most important intimate acts we can participate in, and I sure wish the younger generation would not have such a casual approach to it. It is not recreation. It is not the same as playing video games or any of the other things we do to amuse ourselves. It is part of building a relationship, and that is not a casual affair.

What do you think? I'm sure younger readers are going to have plenty to say. LOL

Friday's Odds and Ends

In an interview with Walter Scott for Parade Magazine, Jane Fonda was asked if she was surprised to fall in love again, with record producer Richard Perry. "Totally. But it doesn't start with love, right? It starts with sex and grows into love."

I guess as long as we continue to consider sex recreation, we will continue to have high rates of abortion, single mothers, and widespread STDs. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the most intimate connection we can have with another person ought to be with someone we have grown to love first.

During a recent Commissioner's Court meeting in Dallas, Commissioner John Wiley Price responded to provocative comments during the public comment portion of the meeting with an angry outburst. He said, "All of you are white. Go to hell." Price has a long history of placing the race card, so some of his responses are to be expected. But as several columnists and editorial writers for The Dallas Morning News have said, he could do so with a lot more decorum.

Seven teenagers in Pennsylvania attacked a 13-year old boy. They beat him, tossed him into a tree, and hung him from a metal fence post. The attack went on for 30 minutes in a public place, the boy crying for help the entire time. The perpetrators videotaped the whole thing and posted the video on YouTube.

Over and above the atrocity, what is really sad about this story is the fact that it has become another form of recreation. Kids fighting each other or some hapless stranger and making a slasher video of it has become an Internet rage.

Anne Rasmussen of Dallas took her first college class when she was 72, and went on to get a bachelor's and a master's degree. Now, at age 80 she is about to become the oldest person to enter SMU's law school. In an interview in The Dallas Morning News with columnist Steve Blow, she said, "I can't just sit and stare at the walls."

Kudos to Anne and all the people like her who believe in living life to the fullest and following whatever dream they have and not letting age stand in the way.