The Club That Never Was

Slim Randles is back with some fun from his syndicated column, Home Country, which is now also a book. If you like what he shares here, you would enjoy his books. Check out his author page on Amazon if you have a moment. His books are a delight. 

The Club didn’t last long.

It wasn’t the dues, which were nothing. It wasn’t being worried about being elected recording secretary or something if you missed a meeting. There were no officers, no directors and no meetings.

It was born of an idea that occurred to Doc one day. He said the members of the Mule Barn truck stop’s philosophy counter and world dilemma think tank should organize.

After his third cup, Doc turned to the others and said sitting there having coffee day after day without any real purpose just didn’t seem right.

Doc said, “There are so many things a real organization can do.”

“What would those things be, Doc?” Steve asked.

“Giving shoes to orphans,” Doc said. “Or curing hunger in third world countries. Or we could watch TV and file complaints.”
 
Then Dud piped up. “Would we have to wear funny hats and have a secret handshake and a password?”

“Absolutely,” Doc said. “Otherwise, how would you know who was one of your brother club members and who wasn’t?”

Mavis said, “What’s your secret password? Regular or decaf?”

“I don’t think we should let women join,” said Bert.

Nobody nodded until after Mavis had topped off the cups, and had gone into the bowels of the kitchen.

“Okay,” Steve said. “Let’s get this straight. No meetings. No name for The Club, right? No officers. No dues to pay. All we have to do is give our shoes to some orphans, right?”

 “And feed kids in third world countries.”

“I don’t know any kids in third world countries. Could we feed one or two around here, just to kinda e-e-e-ease into it?”

“I don’t think so,” said Doc. “We gotta come up with a third world country and then find out who’s in charge of feeding kids. Then we can send them something.”

“I move we adjourn this meeting,” said Steve.

“There are no meetings,” said Doc.

Since no one could name a third world country without a map or listening to National Public Radio, The Club died a quiet death.
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Preview the Home Country Minute television spot at http://youtu.be/yWSo9PpG3Cc. Then have your local station email shaunriley1961@hotmail.com for details.

Friday's Odds and Ends

First I want to announce a sale for Mother's Day and the rest of  May - One Small Victory  is only 99cents on Kindle. This is part of a special program sponsored by Daily Cheap Reads - a great site for finding good books at bargain prices. Check the link starting May 8th. to find a list of other books for this great price.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled program.

Maybe it was just a coincidence that after I saw a woman walking down the street in spike heels that I came home and read a recent column by Steve Blow in The Dallas Morning News about women and their love affair with shoes.  This woman was trying to keep up with her friend, who was wearing walking shoes, and it looked like every step was an effort in maintaining balance while trying to pick up some speed.

I thought of that woman when I read the newspaper column and noted comments made by a podiatrist. She said that a heel that is 3 inches high creates seven times more pressure on the foot that a one-inch heel. 

She also had a lot to say about the pointy toes that barely have room for one toe, let alone five.

I think Steve summed it up well when he wrote, "We're horrified by the thought of barbaric old customs like Chinese foot binding, but that shoe (a 6-inch stiletto) looked like modern-day torture to me."

The main news coverage this week centered on the death of bin Laden, and reactions were varied. Some people took to the streets in celebration, and Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson referred to that as a show of "unmitigated patriotism".

Did he mean to imply that those of us who did not party in the streets, waving our flag, are not patriotic? I sure hope not, because there are plenty of folks who find such celebrations a bit distasteful. I am glad that bin Laden is no longer a threat. I am proud of the military and intelligence personnel who were responsible for the mission. But I cannot say I am glad he is dead. Glad and dead just don't go together for me.

If you choose to celebrate the death of bin Laden, that is your right. Have a party. But don't assume that those of us who decline the invitation to join you are not patriotic.

On a final note, columnist Steve Chapman wrote a recent column defending online porn sites, stating they cause no visible, provable, collateral damage. He wrote, "Given the evolution of sexual standards in America, there's not a lot that clearly qualifies as obscene anymore."

I had to read that twice to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting it. First, sexual standards have not evolved. They have devolved, if that is such a word. There are no standards anymore. And there are a lot of things that qualify as obscene if we would just start calling it that again instead of embracing it and propagating it.


What rattled your chain this week in the news?