Monday Morning Musings

A recent headline in the op/ed section of The Dallas Morning News caught my eye: Does porn harm kids? (By the way, I really don't like the new trend in headline writing that no longer capitalizes all the words. But maybe that's because I am now considered a dinosaur among journalists.)

Anyway, I found the article most interesting. In it David Segal, a business reporter for The New York Times, wrote about the results of scientific research that cannot difinitively prove there is a correlation between teen watching porn and then engaging in risky behavior, such as having unprotected sex or sex at a young age.

A report, produced by the Children's Commissioner in England studied 276 research papers on teens and pornography, showed that there could be a link between porn and risky behavior, but exactly what that link is could not be defined. Segal wrote, "Given the ease with which teenagers can find Internet pornography, it's no surprise that those engaging in risky behavior have viewed pornography online. Just about every teenager has. So blaming X-rated images for risky behavior may be like concluding that cars are a leading cause of arson because so many arsonists drive."

Luckily, Segal did not end the article there. I might have lost all my respect for him at that point. He included the results of a debate conducted by the Children's Commission that asked a group of teens, aged 16 to 18, to debate whether viewing porn had an impact on them. Half of the group, which was comprised of boys and girls, were to take the con arguments, the other the pro arguments. According to Miranda Horvarth, a professor of psychology at Middlesex University in London, the group arguing the pro side had very strong opinions. "They said it had an impact on their body image, on what young people thinks sex should be like, what they could expect from sex. They talked about how if you see things in pornography, you might think it's something you should be doing and go and do it."

The bottom line from researchers, and from David Segal, comes down to parental involvement and guidance. Parent-child conversations about sexuality separate from pornography is vital, as are controls of what very young children are exposed to. Rory Reid, a research psychologist and assistant professor at the University of California, Los Angeles offered this thought to Segal, "Putting a computer in a kids room without any limits on what can be viewed is a bit like tossing a teenager the keys to a car and saying: 'Go learn how to drive. Have fun.'"

What do you think? Do you think porn and violent video games have a negative impact on kids?

On a much brighter note, I do hope you will try to come back on Wednesday to meet my special guest that day; Harrison Cheung, who worked for Christian Bale as publicist, marketer, and personal assistant for almost a decade. His book, Christian Bale: The Inside Story of the Darkest Batman, has received high praise and offers a balanced and diplomatic look at the life of the most lauded Batman. I'll admit I am a fan and can't wait to read the book. 

Monday Morning Musings

You may have noticed, if you have kids or grandkids between the ages of 7 and 10, that there is a level of socialization that is more intense than it ever used to be. Very young girls are forming exclusive friendships and pledging to be best friends forever. (BFF)

That is scary on so many levels, as pointed out by one mother in an op-ed piece for The Dallas Morning News. Julie Blair wrote about her daughter's experience when the current BFF dumped her for another BFF. That act was accompanied by lots of tears and angst, and it made Julie take a look at the topic in a new way. "Third grade in 2013 seems a sorting-hat year: Girls are reportedly pairing off at recess. These 8- and 9-year-old children have begun to figure out where and with whom they fit in. They pick up and drop BFFs like toddlers do colorful plastic toys. While some do it with grace, others are hurtful.
Few seem to realize the importance and downright fun of having an entire playground posse."

This article resonated with me because it deals with a social situation that has probably been going on for centuries. I know it has passed through several generations in my family. I clearly remember the first two years of high school being buffeted by the "friendship whims" of my peers. Then my oldest daughter experienced that in 8th grade. Then my oldest granddaughter experienced that in 6th grade. Most recently my younger granddaughters have been experiencing it in 4th grade.

See the pattern here?

When I wrote my young-adult novel, Friends Forever, that deals with these friendship whims, I really hoped that as we got better at parenting and kids got smarter and more aware of how their behavior affects others, that this problem would diminish.

I'm disappointed that it hasn't.

I'm also disappointed to see businesses and the media encouraging this new phenomenon. According to Ms. Blair, "American companies like Disney continue to promote the idea of exclusivity between young girls. Not only should you have a BFF, they teach on a good majority of their tween television shows, but you should both get matching T-shirts and jammies to tell the world that you’re going steady. If those are in the wash, you can buy binders, photo frames or locker magnets to announce your exclusivity."

I am also disappointed in the parents who encourage their girls to buy into all of this. The parents think it is cute, and they are treating their children like little adults. They are not little adults. They are children, not ready for the emotional entanglements involved in all this BFF stuff. That type of dependence and exclusivity is something that most people share with a life-partner.

That usually comes a long time after 3rd grade.

Now that I have that off my chest, here is something that might interest you if you are into fantasy and sci-fi stories. A group of authors are doing   The World Building Blog Hop hosted by Sharon Bayliss.  Today they are letting readers know how they created their make-believe worlds. This morning I read a piece by Yolanda Renee and it was pretty interesting. Since I set my stories in the real world, I am not participating in the blog hop, but I will read some of the blogs. It is always fun to discover new worlds. 

Monday Morning Musings

This piece originally appeared in July 2008.....

I swear I've got to stop reading advice columnists and get a life. I don't agree with most of the advice anyway, so I don't know why I bother. Old habit, I guess.

A long time ago a writing instructor encouraged members of the class to read the advice columns for story ideas. That was especially significant for anyone wanting to write for the pulp women's magazines True Story and the others of that ilk. The instructor also said it would be helpful even if we weren't interested in writing for those magazines, but were writing fiction. She considered it a good way to find out more about human behavior and maybe even pick up a character or two.

I can't say that I ever found a direct benefit from reading the columns, so I'm really not sure why I continued. Except that "habit" thing. I'm bad with that. Took me four tries and a number of years to finally quit smoking.

Anyway, I was reading the paper last night and glanced at the headline for one of the new, younger, advice columnists: Tween Worried About Anger. An 11-year-old girl had written to express concern because she often got angry for no reason. She described the anger as extreme and wrote that she would go to her room to try to chill out with music. Then she would start feeling incredibly sad - also for no reason - and would end up crying. She was worried about whether what was happening to her might be an indication of a serious problem.

Red flags waving for anyone but me yet?

The columnist replied that what the girl was experiencing was normal, due to hormone changes related to puberty, pointing out that mood swings are a major part of early adolescence.

Okay, that much is true. But most of the mood swings pre-teens experience are triggered by something. Getting angry for no reason is not a normal part of this. Overreacting with anger because Mom told you to do something you didn't want to, or because you get grounded, is a normal part of the emotional turmoil of puberty.

If I had a child who was erupting in anger for no reason, I would be concerned and perhaps make an appointment with a counselor. And to the columnist's credit, she did encourage the girl to talk to her parents or another adult about the mood swings, but she didn't caution the girl that she could be experiencing something that has a more serious underlying cause.

Manic Depression anyone?

Monday Morning Musings

Who says young people today are shiftless and self-absorbed and nothing but trouble? That's what some folks think of teens, but the majority of young people do not fall into that classification. The teens that I know, and have worked with, are bright, helpful, respectful, and eager to make a difference in the world.That is one reason I was so pleased to see an article in Parade Magazine this weekend that celebrates young people who are participating in service activities.

The article starts by featuring Miranda Cosgrove, the star of Nickelodeon’s iCarly, for her work with  St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis where she visits patients and assists in fund-raising. “They tell you to give back because it helps other people, but you also get a lot out of it.”

Fifteen teens from across the country were picked for Parade's All-American Service Team, and they were selected because they have done something significant in their communities, or even across the world. Rujul Zaparde from New Jersey was cited because he started a non-profit that helps build wells in India, and Charlotte Bilski from New York was cited for organizing an effort to gather donated medical supplies and send them to Haiti following the devastating earthquake there.

Charles Orgbon III from Georgia, is CEO of Greening Forward, a nonprofit that has helped 6,000 students recycle 10 tons of waste and pick up enough litter to fill 25 homes. Charles is only 15 year old. Imagine what he will do at 25.

Conner Danzler of Maryland founded Health Through Humor, an organization that has distributed 11,000 joke books to hospitals in 19 states. Laughter really is the best medicine, and he is doing a wonderful service.

Right here in my community I know a number of teens, and younger children, who take part in the annual Winnsboro Service Day, cleaning up property and painting homes for senior citizens and the disabled. Teens from my church do the same type of service projects,  and many of them collect food for the food pantry.

What about you? Do you know some young people who are deserving of some special recognition for what they are doing to serve their communities?