The Ghost of New Year's Resolutions

Here's hoping everyone had a fun New Year's Eve, and I wish you all the very best in 2014; good health, joy, and success in every endeavor. I thought I would start off  the New Year with a special Wednesday's Guest, The Ghost of New Year's Resolutions. This piece is one I wrote back when I did my humor column for a newspaper, and it is always fun to revisit it. Enjoy! 

Normally, when it came to New Year's resolutions, I tried not to demand too much of myself, preferring to do something simple like giving up escargot. But one year, in the interest of strengthening my character, I decided it was time to exercise a little self-discipline. I swear it had nothing to do with the strange dream I had the week prior.

In the dream, a cloudy apparition hovered over the foot of my bed and called my name, “Maryann MilIerrrrr."

"Wha ... Who me?"

"Yes, you,"

"Who are you? What do you want?"

''I'm the ghost of columns past."

"Right. And I'm Erma Bombeck."

"Tis not a moment for levity. You have much to account for this night."

"Like what?"

"How about your indiscriminate use of poetic license?"

"It's not indiscriminate. I work very hard at it."

"Aha! So you admit to lying in your column."

"Well… not exactly lying. I prefer to call it 'stretching the truth. '"

"And how do you think your family and friends feel about this?"

"They understand."

"Oh, yeah? What about your friend, Mary? Do you know she was kicked out of the Gingerbread Hall of Fame after you credited her with your fiasco?"

"I didn't know that was going to happen. But you must admit it was a funny story. Honesty would have been very dull.”

"So. Let me see if I've got this straight. You'd do anything for a laugh?"

"Well...almost anything."

"And you are going to persist?"

"Of course. I've got job security to think about."

"In that case consider yourself warned. You might be sorry."

With that the hazy form disappeared, leaving me with much to ponder. Perhaps it was time to ease up a bit. So, I made a solemn vow never to poke fun at my friend, Mary, again ...

Well, maybe I would start the next week. First, I wanted to tell all my readers about the strange punch she used to make.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you made resolutions? How long do you normally stick to them? Yesterday at a local pie shop, the owner told a group of customers that she cuts way back on her pies in January because so many folks go on diets. She joked about how production always picks up in February. According to stats compiled by the University of Scranton, only 8% of people keep their resolutions. Wow, I thought the number would be higher. 

Happy New Year

I know it is not officially the New Year until tomorrow, but in some place in the world it is already tomorrow, so it is okay to start the good wishes flowing. Note, I said, good wishes, not champagne, although some of that is perfectly okay in my book.

Tonight, I will be celebrating with friends at our local art center where we have a special New Year's Eve party with live music by an amazing jazz band, Miss Demeanor and the Groove Felons. This is a new band that just got started this past year, but one would think they had been together for years when listing to the music. My claim to fame is that I have sung with the lead singer, Shannon Monk, at a few benefits when I had been asked to help entertain. I was always so thankful to have Shannon there with me. She is a pro. I am not. But we do share a love of music.

My wish for all my friends, both in real time and here in cyberspace, is peace, happiness, success, and good health for the New Year. Celebrate well as we usher in another New Year, and be safe. Don't drink and drive.

Happy New Year

It seems like just the other day we were bidding farewell to 2010 and here we are starting 2012. I remember my grandmother telling me how the years fly by as you get older, but she told me that when I was just 12. I had no idea what she was talking about.

Thinking about that, made me realize that the best resolution I could make for this year is to stop and savor moments in each day instead of letting it end with me thinking where did it go. If I make a conscious effort to literally stop and smell my roses, how much better that will be than simply walking by them.

That goes for stopping to appreciate other beautiful things in my life like family and friends.

I hope 2012 is an awesome year for all of you who have touched my life in so many ways.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As a special way to bring in the new year, my publisher of The Wisdom of Ages is offering the short story collection free for Kindle readers today and tomorrow, Jan 1 and  2.

Three stories; four  men whose lives take unexpected turns. Meet Samson who wonders what is down that country road that draws people so. Should he get in that old truck and go see? Mel and Rube have been having dinner at the Leavenworth Grill every Wednesday for years. One day the menu changes and so does life for Mel. Tom would give anything for his life to change. Can he beat back the effects of a crippling stroke by sheer force of determination? Growing old is not for the faint of heart.

Happy New Year

It's official, 2011 started just 12 hours ago for those of us in the Central time zone of the U.S.A. I can't say exactly when for the rest of you. Get your own calculator out. LOL

A friend sent me a link to this cute New Year's Card so I thought I would share it today. It will wake up all those who are drooping from too much celebrating last night.

Time For New Beginnings

Now is the time to throw out the old and ring in the new. The natural response to the beginning of a New Year is usually optimistic and goal-centered. This is when we do some personal housecleaning, getting excited about resolutions that will make us better parents, better employees, better people, and maybe even thin again.

Innumerable resolutions have been made over the course of history, and I've often wondered where they end up when they aren't kept. Is there a "resolution junkyard" somewhere littered with all those promises we made with zeal and determination on Jan. 1, and forgot by Jan. 10?

The basic problem with me and resolutions is that most of the time I'm just too tough on myself. I've set unattainable goals in a quest for perfection that is simply not in my realm of capabilities. So, in an attempt to defray frustration, I start making minor, reasonable
adjustments to my resolutions ...

Instead of giving up fattening desserts, I'm going to give up caviar and Chateaubriand.

Instead of organizing my office, I'm going to learn to live with my own efficiency plan -- "leave everything where I know I can find it."

Instead of learning to be a gourmet cook, I'll order my take-out food from Chef Tell.

Instead of cutting down on the amount of time I spend reading, I'll take 10 minutes of every hour and walk around the house with my book so I get some exercise.

Instead of trying to be a perfect Mom, I'll just let my kids think what they want of me....

... and the list goes on.

But under the jokes we can make about the annual tradition of New Year's resolutions, there is something good and wholesome about the concept of fresh starts and new beginnings. It fills us with a sense of hopefulness and positive power. We are strong. We're invincible.

Well, maybe that's going too far. . .

But seriously, we all need the renewal of spirit and hope the celebration of the whole holiday season brings us. For Christians it starts with the Advent preparation with its theme of eager anticipation. It's punctuated dramatically with the fulfillment of promises on Christmas Day, giving us new life in the birth of Jesus. And it culminates in the atmosphere of exciting possibilities for growth and change presented to us in the New Year.

Even though I know I'm the world's worst resolution-keeper, each year I always feel energized as I contemplate all that can be accomplished with the time stretching before me. I welcome the opportunity to set new goals, or resurrect old goals with a renewed
conviction that this year I can do better.

So here's to all our resolutions. May none of them end up in the junkyard.

Happy New Year

We are going on a short vacation for a few days, so I wanted to take a minute before we head out to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

As we cross over from one year to the next, it always seems to be a good time for taking stock and perhaps deciding to make some changes, but as far as resolutions go, I don't think I'm going to make any.

I never was good at keeping the ones I used to make, so why bother?

But I will try to be more mindful of the good things in life and savor the moments that make living so worthwhile. That way I might not mind the swift passage of time so much and might discover a little gift of nature that could have gone unnoticed.

I hope good things come to all of you in 2009.