I Cannot Tell A Lie

I received the I Never Tell A Lie meme from Helen Ginger at her Straight From Hel blog. Here are the rules:

Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.

Now it's time for me to answer the questions, and since my mother always taught me my nose would grow if I lied -- and it really doesn't need to get any bigger -- I will answer with the absolute truth.

Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?
My family. This is so important to me I can't even think of anything funny to add.

Envy: What do your coworkers wish they had which is yours?
Coworkers? Nobody told me I had coworkers. Jeesh, and here I've been doing all the work myself. Well, okay, I'll fess up. The cat helps sometimes.

Gluttony: What did you eat last night?
I ate a hobo sandwich with carrot sticks on the side. Good little girl that I am. Then I countered that with a bowl of chocolate almond ice cream.

Lust: What really lights your fire?
Chocolate.

Anger: What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
Other than government, politics, greed, celebrities, and stupid people. Nothing.

Greed: Name something you keep from others.
My chocolate.

Sloth: What's the laziest thing you've ever done?
I sat for an hour at my daughters with nothing to clean. Seriously. My son-in-law cleaned the kitchen before we arrived for a visit. When my daughter asked why he didn't leave it for me as I really love to stay busy, he said "I know, but I want to watch her twitch."

I'm not sure I know seven people who might not shoot me for bothering them with this, so I will send the meme to Ginger Simpson and Terry O'Dell. I don't think they own a gun.

Critique --Guest Blog by Christine Duncan

As I have been doing this blog tour, I have been amazed by the questions other writers ask me. One question I get a lot is, "Do you really think critique groups help?" Yes.

Okay, that should be the end of the questions, don't you think?

But it seems that many writers have had bad experiences with a critique group or two. Or to put it another way, there are a lot of mean and crazy people out there willing to tear their fellow writers and their work apart.

So here, in my (not so) vast and wonderful experience, is what to look for in a critique group.

1. Manners. Any critique group that advertises that it is not for the thin skinned (yes, I've seen that put just that way) knows exactly what it's talking about. Don't go there. They're not for the rest of us either. You should not have to grow scales to be able to take critique. Honestly.

2. Sandwich Critiques: I've seen this put a couple of different ways, but the gist is this. The critiquer starts by telling the author something good, then tells the author something that needs work, then ends with something else they liked. This is very important. A critique group that practices this, believes in telling you what is good as well as what is not working.

Many of us are uncertain about our work, so when we hear that this or that is wrong, we are apt to want to throw out the whole thing. Hearing that someone loves your description but thinks you should take out the description of the old lady on Third street since she never appears again is helpful. If the whole group says it, you should probably ditch the description of the old lady on Third street. Groups that believe in some form of sandwich critique tend to have writers who grow.

3. Size: Critique groups can be too small, too big, or just right. Size does matter. Meeting with just your writing buddy can be helpful. But sometimes, he or she may be thinking fuzzy and just not getting anything. ther times, everything looks wonderful to her.If there are only two of you, then you can't get perspective on anything. And what happens when she just can't make it? On the other hand, a critique group with 12 or more members may be too busy to get to your stuff every week or even every month but you still are putting in the time, without getting any new writing done.

4. Time Requirement: (Closely Related to size) Some groups prefer to read all of the manuscripts before hand and just give critiques during the meeting. This seems to occur with bigger groups. Some groups prefer to read each manuscript and then critique right there in the group. Some groups want the author to read the manuscript out loud and then they critique as it goes along. It's all preference.

The important thing here is that someone is the gatekeeper. In other words, if you all agree you will only exchange 8 pages and will be out of there by 9:00 p.m., someone needs to make sure that Eager Annie does not sneak in 14 pages making you all stay until midnight. Groups can break up under this one. Some groups I've been in have had a timer that they passed from person to person to make sure that no one went over their agreed-on time. Whatever works and keeps people content.

You'll see other preferences. Some people prefer to stick to just one genre in a critique group. Some like to mix it up. I've seen groups where they exclude anyone who is not published. I don't think the quality of the writing in these groups was necessarily better, but it made them feel good. I do believe in having people submit a bit of their manuscript before they are accepted in a group but I came by this belief the hard way.

One group I was in did not practice that, and a lady joined who wrote in computer code: You know If/Then followed by the arrows and boxes and lines? I never did figure out what she was trying to say. After about 3 weeks of the group telling her she needed to write it out, she quit the group. I think we all offered up prayers of thanks for that.

I have been in groups with beginning writers and published folks and I don't think you can spot a good critiquer easily. One woman I was in critique with had not only never been published, but she wasn't sure she wanted to write either. Consequently she wasn't strong on the terminology of craft but she knew when something stopped her, and by listening to her critiques, I was able to smooth out many a kink in my manuscript. I dedicated book two, Safe House, in part to her memory.

So you can see, I'm a big fan of critique. I know it has helped me grow as a writer And by being a little careful in choosing a group, I believe that it can help you too.

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Christine will appear on July 5th on Chester Campbell's Blog
Check out her books on her Web site

Guest Blogger- Christine Duncan

This coming Monday, June 29th, Christine Duncan will be my guest and will share her thoughts about critique groups. Please try to stop by in your busy day to see what she has to say.

Christine is an Arvada Colorado mystery writer. She got her start in writing for the Christian market, writing for Sunday School magazines. Her credits include Accent Books and Regular Baptist Press.


Her Colorado based, Kaye Berreano mystery series debuted in 2002 with the book, Safe Beginnings, which deals with arson in a battered women's shelter. Safe House, the second book in the series is due out this spring.

Although the Kaye Berreano mystery series is set in a battered women's shelter, Ms. Duncan's husband wants the world to know it's not because of anything he did!

Visit Christine at Http://www.ChristineDuncan.com
Or at her blog Http://www.globalwrite.wordpress.com

Another Excerpt From My New Book

ROAD TRIP
Or, Are we There Yet, Papa Smurf

My husband’s idea of a vacation is two weeks of puttering around the house and watching what day-time television he can stand. My idea of a vacation, however, is to go somewhere, preferably to Michigan, with stops along the way in Kentucky and West Virginia to see relatives.

My father is from West Virginia, and he felt a need to go home at least twice a year. So, when I was a kid we’d all pile into the back of an old station wagon and head south from Michigan. I loved it, even though I was usually car sick from Detroit to Pittsburgh. Some of my fondest memories are of those trips.

I have always shared my father’s need to go home as often as possible, so one year I suggested we take a road trip.

"Are you nuts!? You want to drive twelve hundred miles with five little kids?"

"We can do it. It'll be fun."

"Fun? We can't even drive to the store without World War Three breaking out."

"We can drive at night, while they're asleep."

Since he didn't have a quick response to that, I knew he was weakening. He did offer one or two other feeble arguments, which I countered easily. Financing the trip wouldn't be a problem. I had six whole months to scrimp, and I was a master at getting pennies out of the grocery budget.

I started saving right away, shaving the budget closer than I shaved my legs. No more brand name cereal, and we’d eat hot dogs twice a week for dinner. The kids didn’t mind the dinner menu so much, but balked at the store brand oats.

When the balking got to be too much, I would dangle the vacation carrot and suddenly they loved Toasted O’s.

Making Music

This past Saturday I attended the Northeast Texas Music Festival in Winnsboro. There were a number of great performers starting just after noon and running until late that night. It made for a long, hot day, but it sure was worth it.

I was given a press pass, which is always nice, so I got to go backstage and meet the artists. It was quite a thrill to talk to T. Graham Brown and The Bellamy Brothers. I've been fans of both for years -- which I guess means we are all getting old -- and they never fail to give an audience a great show.

The music was a mix of country and gospel, so at times it was toe-tapping and other times it was heart tapping, especially when T. Graham Brown sang "Wine Into Water." And who couldn't love The Bellamy Brothers' "Guardian Angel".

Luke Williams and his band was quite a hit, and he had a tremendous command of the stage even at the young age of 16. This is a singer/songwriter that we are going to hear a lot more of in the future.


Here is a link to the story I did for WinnsboroToday.com.

A Father's Day Tribute

A popular sentiment on mugs and tee-shirts says, “Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a Daddy.” Those words have always impressed me, perhaps because they express something I’ve always wanted to convey. My father is, and continuously has been, a ‘Daddy’ to me, even though I didn’t always view him with an objective eye.

When I was a child, I saw him as a saint or super-hero. The source of Sunday afternoon movies and ice-cream cones, he rarely stepped into the dull routine of my daily life. Our times together were marvelous adventures and I never questioned that they were largely determined by a divorce decree that granted him visitation rights.

But if he'd remained that fantasy figure, I don't think I'd be writing this today. Possibly I wouldn't even be writing today. I’d like to say this enlightenment came to me out of one of those Hallmark moments that resound with emotion; but in reality, it emerged from an incredibly frustrating experience.

Daddy and I were working together to rebuild an old bike to meet my need for wheels. He took all the working parts home to clean, grease and reassemble. My job was to sand the frame to get it ready to paint.

My enthusiasm for the project dimmed considerably when I discovered how hard I had to work. Sanding away multiple layers of old paint and rust demanded more effort than I’d anticipated, so I quit. I rationalized that the new paint would cover what I missed and nobody would know the difference.

Daddy could have let me quit. Or he could have belittled me by pointing out how foolish my choice had been. Instead, he asked if I’d noticed those few spots of rust still clinging to the metal. We could paint it that way if I wanted to, but give it a week and the new paint might peel. The final decision was up to me. It was my job and if I was satisfied...

Something in his manner told me I shouldn’t be satisfied.

Every day for a week, I sanded until my muscles ached and my fingers had blisters. There were still times I wanted to quit. I was also tempted to wrap that old frame around my father’s neck. But I stuck with it.

Now I know that Herculean effort is called tenacity. Then I thought it was torture.

That’s the first lesson I can clearly recall learning from my father, but there were more to come once I left the idealism of childhood. Like how my father never cheated the grocer or the IRS. Or how he always stopped at a red light even if the intersection was empty. And how he always treated people with respect until they proved they didn’t deserve it.

I don't know if that learning could have taken place had I kept my father up on a childhood pedestal. When I allowed him to simply be a man, it took a lot of pressure off us both.

We still probably won’t qualify for a greeting card commercial. Neither of us is perfect in our relationship. But that’s okay. My father no longer has to save me with an ice-cream cone or Sunday matinee, and I don’t have to struggle to live up to something I’m not capable of. We can just be the people that we’ve become. And when we fail somehow, we can always pick up the sandpaper and turn our mistakes into something bright and shining.

Happy Father’s Day to all the men who have been that special ‘Daddy’ in someone’s life.

Wonderful Writing Tips

I just read a great article by Elmore Leonard with some great writing tips. Many of them are ones we have heard before, but he has a knack for restating them with a bit of a punch.

He starts his article with, "These are rules I've picked up along the way to help me remain invisible when I'm writing a book, to help me show rather than tell what's taking place in the story. If you have a facility for language and imagery and the sound of your voice pleases you, invisibility is not what you are after, and you can skip the rules. Still, you might look them over."

What a polite way of saying, "Pay attention."

Here is a link to the article for those who are interested.

Let the Government Do It

A common knee jerk reaction to some accident or natural disaster is for people to call on the government to enact new laws to protect us. Some people think that "It's time for us to hold our lawmakers accountable for keeping us safe," as one person wrote in a recent letter to the editor in The Dallas Morning News.

Okay, let me get this straight. A law is going to somehow change an accident or a natural disaster. Accidents are called accidents because they occur by chance. They are undesirable or unfortunate happenings that occur unintentionally-- according to a dictionary definition - - so how is a law going to help?

I know, I know. There have been laws enacted that were of benefit. The main one that comes to mind is speed limits. Numbers of traffic accidents decline along with a decline in speed limits.

But we have a tendency to overdo what can be helpful from government. Some people try to legislate common sense and/or morality, and that simply cannot be done.

Sure, we can ban cell phone use while driving -- the issue that spawned the recent commentary in the Dallas Morning News -- and give law enforcement one more thing to look for on the road, but that won't change the facts. Some people are still going to speed. Some people are still going to drive or ride without seat belts. Some people are still going to drive while talking on a cell phone, or eating, or changing CDs.

Until people take responsibility for their own safety and the safety of others, we can legislate until pigs fly and not a whole lot is going to change.

How Low Can We Go?

Just when I thought I'd heard it all when it comes to the absurdity of people, I run across a story like one I just read in The Dallas Morning News.

It seems that a woman in North Texas who was selected to be on Bridezillas - a show that should be on the bottom rung of the most stupid reality show ever conceived - was upset that her minister, her vocalist, her deejay and her bridesmaids all backed out of the ceremony.

What did she expect? I can't believe that she thought they would all love to be on the show and have their five minutes of fame.

Thank God some people had the good sense to decline.

It used to be that people would do silly pranks for the notoriety or maybe a cash prize, but they weren't pranks that crossed a line between funny and demeaning. What we often see on reality TV now has left that line in the rearview mirror.

Such as Bridezillas.

When I first saw teasers for this show, I thought they were for some new comedy. I just couldn't believe that women who were entering into this "most holy state of matrimony" would stoop so low as to be part of this farce for real. The premise is to show the brides at their worst in terms of demands, tantrums, and maybe even drag-out fights, while preparing for their weddings.

And the audience is supposed to enjoy this? To me, there is nothing funny or redeeming about this show and others like it.

What about you? Do you think anything goes when it comes to reality TV?

If Life is a Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing in The Pits?

I remember when I first read Erma Bombeck’s wonderful book I thought she made up all the craziness she wrote about. But I also thought that maybe somewhere in the midst of her jokes would be some tidbit of wisdom that would help me get a handle on the insanity at my house. Alas, all I got was a good laugh.

Looking back on those early years when the kids were young – five between the ages of 7 and 1 – I wonder how we survived with sanity intact. Or maybe that’s the deal. Our sanity is not intact. We only think it is.

But also looking back, I don’t know that I would have changed much about it. Oh, maybe it would have been nice to be rich, or even comfortable financially. I would have loved a bigger house to contain a growing family. And we could have done without some of the turmoil along the way. What I would never want to change, however, is the fun we had, or even the nonsense that became funny long after the fact.

Such as the morning my doorbell rang at six o’clock. I didn’t think anyone would be paying a social call at that hour, so it had to be an emergency. I jumped out of bed, tripped over the dog, stubbed my toe and jump-hopped to the door. Opened said door to see my neighbor, Jessica, holding the hands of my twins. “Do these belong to you?”

Yikes. No doubt. There they were. Paul and Dany dressed in Sesame Street PJs and nothing else. Well, actually they each also had a diaper, hanging low from a night’s accumulation.

“Oh my gosh,” I said, pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t still asleep and having a nightmare.

“I found them walking down the street,” Jessica said. She was holding the twins away from her suit, the effort making her look like a scarecrow—if a scarecrow would ever be dressed in a Brooks Brothers suit.

I reached out to take their hands. “I am so sorry. I have no idea how they got outside.”
Her look said, “Of course not.” But she offered a smile. One of those “we are both women in this rat race together” smiles.

But we weren’t in the same rat race at all.

Jessica, without child, was a financial advisor. She went to work everyday. If we lived in New York and not a suburb of Dallas, she might have been on her way to assault Wall Street in that finely turned out suit. I, on the other hand, was dressed to assault the kitchen in my tee shirt and Capri pants. She didn’t even have a hair out of place – despite the wind whipping down our street at about 25 MPH – and mine was a tangled mess. Her make-up could have been applied by a pro, I didn’t even know where my make up was.

“It’s a good thing I found them,” Jessica said, putting a great deal of emphasis on the “I”. “Otherwise God knows what could have happened.”

“Yes, you’re right.” What else could I say? Her logic was perfect. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

I hurried the twins inside before Jessica could say anything else to make me feel lower than a worm.

In the twins’ bedroom, I discovered how the great escape had occurred. The screen was pushed out of the low window facing the porch. No doubt, thanks to Dany. She was the reason there was no furniture in the room and the crib mattresses were on the floor and the bureau was turned against the wall. At nine months of age, Dany had started walking. And climbing. She climbed over the crib rails to get in bed with Paul.

Then she discovered that she could pull the dresser drawers out and use them like a ladder to get to all the interesting stuff on top of the dresser. Forget curtains. She’d pulled them down so many times it wasn’t worth the effort to put them back.

And don’t you dare ask me where the discipline was. I challenge anyone to try to discipline a one-year-old. Especially since most of these shenanigans occurred in the middle of the night. When was I supposed to sleep?

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NOTE* This is more from my new book in progress

The Writing Life

Years ago when I first started writing my children were all young and the formidable task of ‘writing around them’ was daunting.

I remember one time in particular when one of my two-year-old twins, Danielle, known lovingly as Chicky, had just settled down beside me to help or hinder my writing. She contributed a few words of dialogue consisting mainly of a few well-placed “Mommys,” spiced with a few unintelligible words or praise or criticism.

When she left the room, I breathed a sigh of relief and raced to get a few thoughts on paper before she came back. But alas, she’d gone into the kitchen to get the box of cereal I left on the counter and was off sharing it with her brother.

Should I have been delighted she was sharing for a change? Or angry because she snitched the cereal and hid in the laundry room? If I hadn’t beaten our dog with my child-psychology book years before that, I could have looked for the answer. (A note to all the dog-lovers who are about to call the Humane Society. Our dog was much larger and harder bound than the book, and he loved the extra attention.)

That’s the way my writing life went for years. The moment I thought I had the most subtle, cynically amusing thought, matching the excellence of an Erma Bombeck or a Judith Viorst mapped out in my head, I was interrupted.

I remember thinking that if it weren’t for my kids, I would’ve been famous years ago. I could’ve sat beside Johnny Carson when he was still doing the Tonight Show and chatted amicably about my latest thought-provoking novel or my charming little anecdotes on life, If it wasn’t for the endless “MOMMYS”.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…”
“Mom, what is…?”
“Mom, can I have a snack?”
“Mom, would you tie my shoe?”
“Mother, if you don’t keep those twins out of my room…”
“Mom, why is it raining outside?”
“Mom, where is my homework…my lunch…my shoes…my coat?”
“Mom, if you’re not doing anything important, can you…”

And, believe it or not, I was a lot more prolific back then.

Congrats to Grads

I am getting ready to go to our grandson's graduation party. This is an exciting time for all the high school and college graduates as they end one phase of their lives and move into another, and we are thrilled for Justin, who had a stellar high school career and is going to SMU in Dallas to study theatre and political science.

There have been, and will continue to be, commencement addresses that will contain kernels of wit and wisdom for the graduates to carry with them into this new adventure, so I won't try to write an entire treatise here. But I do offer this bit of advice.

Stay focused on the ultimate goals you have set for yourself, but don't forget to enjoy the journey. That takes a bit of delicate balancing, but worth it when you reach the destination and you know you haven't missed anything along the way.

And specifically for Justin, "Break a leg."

I'm Psyched

Been away from my blog for a couple of days -- as you may have noticed due to the lack of posts since Monday - and came over to find I have two new followers. And these aren't family or friends or people I've bribed to follow me.

The first one is Joe R Lansdale, and if you have not read his books, hustle over to the closest bookstore and check one out. He's written a jillion, so there is a wide variety to chose from. I did a panel discussion with him at an author event in East Texas a couple of months ago, and that was my first introduction to this great writer. His books can't be categorized. In fact, he said during the presentation that he just writes stories. Some of his books are listed as horror, and he does admit to taking a Stephen King approach to some stories, but the ones I've read are novels with a mystery element. The Bottoms for one. Great story.

My other new follower is Joe M O'Connell another terrific writer with a book Evacuation Plan, that I had the priviledge of reading and reviewing. The book is called "A Novel From the Hospice" and is an intriguing look at death and dying that is anything but morbid and sad.

Having two such acclaimed writers following my offerings here is a bit daunting. I know we're supposed to be so cool and professional and act like we're so used to hobnobbing with such talent that it is no big deal. But it is a big deal to me, and I am honored that they chose my blog to follow.

My New Book

My husband and I raised five children, and I think we got through the challenges of a large family by using humor. It can pretty well diffuse any situation, although the humor might not always be apparent right away. Some things have to age somewhat before they take on comic proportions.

For instance, spilling a pan of chicken broth on the kitchen floor didn’t make me laugh until I quit sliding past the sink as I took my first step into the room.

It was difficult to laugh about one of my kids storing her unwanted sandwiches in the bench next to the table, especially when it was my neighbor who found them a few weeks later.

It took me a good two weeks to find anything amusing about the youngest two playing dress-up and taking all the clothes off the hangers in their closet.

I was sure I would never see the humor in our son losing one of his tennis shoes or the 15 futile trips he made to the creek to look for it. And to think, when I saw a shoe in the street, I used to wonder how someone could lose just one shoe.

I knew I could live to be at least 90 before I’d laugh about the fact that I couldn’t get my kids to go outside and play until I mentioned that it was time to clean house.

It took six months to see the humor in the time that one of my kids swept the kitchen floor, and later I went in to find six spoons, three bowls, two dried up old sandwiches and the contents of at least two boxes of cereal under the table.

Equally difficult to laugh about was the time that one kid threw his cereal bowl at his brother, who ducked, so the bowl hit the window and broke it.

At least that's the story I got.

I used to wonder if all the spilled milk, chairs covered with soggy cereal, buttered bread dropped on the floor face down, or the macaroni noodles that have squished through my toes as I walked across the kitchen floor, would even qualify as fond memories when I'm old and gray, let alone be funny.

Now that I am both, I’ve decided that all those family escapades are funny. And to tell the truth, they were pretty funny back then, too. In fact, I used to write about the family nonsense in a weekly column. It was along the lines of what Erma Bombeck used to write, and I always thought some day I would combine the collection in a book.

Well, it’s “someday” now.

I'm working on a book that I describe as "The Devil Wears Prada, meets Erma Bombeck." I'm not sure if it will get published. I'll worry about that later. But I sure am having fun going through all the old columns and revisiting the nonsense that we called family.

I'm about halfway through the project, and I will periodically post a segment here when I don't have anything to rant about.

Crazy Turtle Lady

That's what many people call Suzan Lakhan Baptiste who has worked to save the leatherback sea turtle on Trinidad's Matura Beach. Every year, female leatherbacks return to the beach where they lay their eggs. They dig deep holes to deposit the eggs, a long difficult process that leaves them easy prey for poachers who kill them for meat, fins and eggs.

By the 1980s, nearly one in three turtles that nested on Matura Beach were killed. When the government asked for volunteers to help protect the endangered creatures, Baptiste stepped forward with several other people. They patrol the beach during the mating season to protect the turtles from poachers, and their efforts have been successful. Now, the leatherbacks are able to come to the beach to lay eggs and close to 100 percent of them survive.

What a wonderful accomplishment, and certainly worth remembering when we think that one or two people cannot affect a problem.

Promoting For Pennies

I am pleased to announce that I will appear on The Author Show on WNB NetworkWest.com, an Online radio and television station on May 29, 2009. This is a wonderful site that hosts authors of fiction and non-fiction, and a good place for authors to promote their work, fiction and nonfiction. The interview will run all day, so stop by at your convenience if you have a chance

Online marketing via virtual book tours and guest spots on Internet radio shows is an effective way to reach readers all over the world. And the real beauty of it is that you don't have to travel any further than to your home computer.

I did a virtual book tour in September 08 and saw the hits to my Web site double for several weeks, so I know this is an effective way to reach people.

I should also mention that I have purchased a number of books after following someone for a while on a virtual book tour. As Don McCauley of Free Publicity Group says, marketing it is all about building trust, and through a virtual book tour I have come to know authors well enough to become interested in their books.

Don McCauley is the host of The Author Show, and in addition to conducting a great interview, he offers writers a lot of free material to help them with their marketing efforts. It is a connection well worth making for any author who wants to promote for pennies.

Memorial Day

In a little cemetery in Fairmont, West Virginia there are headstones for a number of Van Gilder men who served in the U.S. military, going back to the Revolutionary War. I had the opportunity to go that cemetery two years ago for a reunion -- my father's family - and I was amazed to see so many military men noted. I felt both awed and thrilled to be in such company.

While I may not hold with killing and really wish there was some other way to handle global conflicts than war, there is something noble and stirring about the men and women who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

So I take this time to thank them for their service and remember all the military men and women in our family, both living and dead.

Thank you.....

Beware of Goat Profiling

Another offering from my friend Tracy Farr... He really has a goat fetish...

I, like many of you, watch television whether or not there is anything good on, not because there isn’t anything better to do, but because it’s our God given American right to do it. But to be honest, I spend most of that time thinking about an epidemic that is sweeping the nation – an epidemic so profound, it could change the world as we know it. I’m talking about Goat Profiling.

Do you have any idea how many men and women have lost jobs just because their employer discovered they were raising goats? Me neither, but it’s bound to be huge. And what business is it to them anyway? Does raising a goat in the back yard solely for the purpose of getting rid of a few shrubs indicate that a person is a sub-standard worker? Of course not.

But word is out that some employers are outright asking in job interviews whether or not we have goats. Just ask Harold Bright.

“I went on a job interview the other day, everything was going great, and then the employer asked if I have goats,” said Bright. “When I indicated that I did, you could tell in his eyes that the interview was over. I never had trouble getting a job before I owned goats.”

In a recent survey, people who have a few goats in the back yard are half as likely to get a job than non goat owners, but it’s very hard to prove goat discrimination said Lawyer Judith Best.

“Every day we hear stories about men and women who are denied a job solely because they have goats,” Best said. “But in most states, it’s not illegal for employers to ask the goat question just as long as they ask it of all job applicants.”

And that’s what gets Harold Bright’s goat.

“Does the fact that I have a few goats make me a less-dependable worker? I don’t think so,” said Bright. “But until Congress passes a law stating that goat profiling is illegal, we goat owners will forever be passed over for employment.”

Do you believe you have encountered discrimination at work because you have goats? If so, call the I Have A Goat But No Job Hotline, and voice your concerns.
_______________________________________
Stinky Creek Texas -- An equal opportunity employer

Accidental Millionaires

I just read an item on CNN news online about a couple in New Zealand who have been dubbed the "Accidental Millionaires" after a bank employee mistakenly gave them NZ$10 million when they applied for a loan of just NZ$10,000.

This happened early in May, and apparently the couple have absconded with the money. New Zealand authorities have now asked Interpol to assist in locating the couple, who are believed to come from the resort of Rotorua and wanted the loan to buy a station there.

Wow! On a level of pure greed, I can understand this duo taking off to someplace where they can live in the lap of luxury with this windfall. The temptation is strong. Who hasn't dreamed of winning the lottery or inheiriting a fortune and planned all the wonderful things we could do with the money?

I've even been tempted on a smaller scale when given the wrong change at the grocery store. It would be nice to keep the few extra dollars. What could it hurt?

Well, it hurts the person who made the mistake. They will have to pay the shortage.

But it also hurts me if I'm dishonest. It takes a chink out of my character. And that is what this is about. I am dismayed that this couple did not have the strength of character or a sense of morality that could override the greed. Did they really think it was okay to take the money and run? Can they look at themselves in the mirror and feel good about what they did?

What about you? What would you do in the same situation?

But on another level, I'm dismayed that some sense of morals did not override the greed.

The Best Laid Plans

The power went out here for a couple of hours this afternoon, which sure messed with the plan I had for today.

We have had such beautiful weather the past few days, I have been outside in the mornings taking care of the gardens and picking berries. Then I come inside and start my day in the office about 10 0r 11. I schedule an hour or so to update WinnsboroToday.com and then I work on my latest book for at least an hour. After that, I try to update this blog, do some promoting, or prepare something for The Blood Red Pencil blog.

This afternoon, the minute the power went out and my computer sighed to a close, I was adrift. What can I do? I can't write without my computer.

I know, I know. Haven't I heard of pen and paper?

Actually, I have, and I even started out as a writer with notebook paper and a pencil. Then I graduated to a pen. But I have become so acclimated to writing directly on the computer that I'm stymied when I can't.

Kind of weird when you think about it. Tolstoy wrote War and Peace with a quill pen. You'd think we modern writers could suck it up and get out a ballpoint.

Miracle Cat Update

Orca, our injured cat I wrote about the other day, had his surgery and came home yesterday afternoon. He is already hobbling around and using that leg. Unbelievable. The leg is pinned with an apparatus on the outside that the veterinarian calls a Tinker toy. It looks ungainly and certainly has to be uncomfortable, but Orca doesn't seem bothered by it.

The other cats, however, are extremely bothered by it. They both - including Orca's mother -- hiss at him whenever we let him out of the bathroom where he is confined. We have to do that periodically just to save our sanity.

Orca is not thrilled with being locked up in a small space and lets us know in loud protests. That cat has the loudest meow I have ever heard, and when he's upset, he really cranks it up. He yowled most of the evening yesterday, and I had visions of him keeping us up all night, but thank goodness, he went to sleep and we didn't hear from him until early this morning.

Then he really wanted to go outside. I let him come out of the bathroom while I got his food and the pill I had to shove down his throat. Orca went to every door and meowed to go out. I think he wanted to use the great outdoors instead of the litter box -- he's always preferred that -- but he finally gave in when I put him back in the bathroom. A little later I checked and the box had been used.

He just gave me a look that said, "Okay. I did it. I didn't like it, but here it is. Are you happy? And who's going to clean up this mess. Certainly not me."

At least I think that's what he said. Cat speak is so hard to discipher.

Let's Sit Around and Do Nothing

Another piece of nonsense... er... great writing ... from my friend Tracy Farr:

People like Oprah are always busy, always doing something, always in the middle of whatever is going on because that's what they do, and to NOT do it would mean the end of civilization as they know it. To them, doing absolutely nothing is a fate worse than death.

Well, I've done absolutely nothing (many times), and I kind of like it.

It's not that hard to do absolutely nothing. You just get out of bed, fix yourself a huge cup of coffee (which sounds like you're doing something, but isn't), then find a comfy place to relax (a couch or wing-back chair would do fine) and concentrate! Yes, to do absolutely nothing requires concentration because what you'll WANT to do is think about what you SHOULD be doing -- and we can't have any of that!

In your mind you've got to forget about mowing the yard. Forget about paying the bills. Forget about calling your parents so they'll know you're still alive. Forget about the economy and Swine Flu. Forget about how good Marylou looks now and how you wish you'd dated HER in high school instead of Imagene. Forget about digital TV and iPhones. Forget about all the things that drive us absolutely bonkers but we put up with them anyway because "that's progress."

Yes, indeed. Doing absolutely nothing is not for wimps. And that's why you'll never see Oprah doing it!
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Stinky Creek Texas -- Where we're experts at doing nothing!

The Miracle Cat

We have this cat named Orca -- for obvious reasons -- and he has had a tough life for only being three years old. Of course, out here in the country the lifespan of a cat is much shorter than that of their city cousins. But we try to give them as much help as we can.

When Orca was just a kitten, he got into the engine of my husband's truck to take a nap and got caught up in the fan belt when my husband started the truck. Orca survived that, to the amazement of the farmer next door who came to help us get the cat out and to the vet who repaired the broken leg.

Last week, Orca disappeared late Monday afternoon. Well, actually we didn't know he had disappeared for sure until late Tuesday when he still had not come back to eat. He likes to go outside - preferring that to a litter box - and then there are all the moles and gophers and mice to hunt. But he doesn't often miss the feeding times with the other cats, so we started to worry that he met up with a coyote or a truck speeding down the road.

For three days we tried to keep the worry at bay and hold out a small hope that he might come back, but, by Friday, had to admit that probably wasn't going to happen.

Then late Sunday, we heard a mewing on the front porch, went to the door, and there was Orca. He sauntered in - as best he could saunter with a broken leg - went right to his food dish and asked for supper. He ate, then went to take a nap on our bed, as if nothing had happened.

We were in a state of shock for an hour or so, taking turns looking at him on the bed to make sure we weren't dreaming.

We weren't dreaming. Somehow he managed to suvive six days out there and didn't even look too malnourished. We couldn't see any other injuries, either, and he didn't seem to be in much pain so we didn't do an emergency vet visit, opting to take him in this morning.

Orca has a nasty, splintered break below the knee and a dislocated knee, so it is going to cost a lot to repair all that. We briefly considered not repairing it, but then we figured if this cat could survive a truck engine, another car accdent, and then being out in the wild for 6 days and avoiding coyotes and other predatory animals, he deserves the other seven lives he's got left.

That may not be practical, but sometimes it feels good not to be practical.

Happy Mother's Day

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I would dust off a column I wrote when my children were young and I was writing for a Dallas publication. The sentiments are just as true today as they were those many years ago....

Chocolates all around. Enjoy!!!!

“Sunday is Mother’s Day and in this time of feminism and ERA it’s hard to decide what to write about. Do I mention all those hart-tugging gifts I’ve received over the years, like the dead tomato plant in a tin can and the wilted dandelions clutched tightly in a grubby little hand?

On the other hand, maybe it’s unfair to offer only one side of motherhood. Maybe I should say a word of two about all the daily frustrations that threaten to make me seek cover in the nearest rest home. The cleaning; the car pools; the laundry; the endless sibling infighting; more cleaning; and cooking and….

Who’s the joker who started the myth that housewives spend endless hours in front of the television eating chocolates? Not that it’s a bad idea. But let’s get real. The last time I watched daytime television I was sick with the flu and couldn’t have eaten a chocolate if Godiva herself brought me one.

While I’ve been trying to sort out all these things associated with motherhood, I keep wondering why there is so much unrest among women today, even those who have had a satisfying career outside the home before deciding to become full-time homemakers. Then I realized the unrest comes out of a loss of pride. Modern thinking has managed to strip us of any glimmer of the kind of pride our mothers could feel for their role.

It’s true that modern ideology still advocates free choice, but somehow the choice of full-time homemaker doesn’t garner the same respect and interest as choosing to be an astronaut. When was the last time an anecdote about your five-year-old drew a crowd at a cocktail party?

Under the circumstances, it’s no wonder women are in such turmoil. Society has force-fed us its version of the “modern woman” -- exciting, sophisticated, fulfilled, and working outside the home. So when a woman finds her fulfillment at home, she automatically starts questioning and comparing. That is especially true of the women who had a different career first.

As someone who has managed to straddle the fence for a number of years, I don’t feel qualified to advocate one over the other. I’ve managed to have the best of both worlds, and I must admit that my early success with writing came as a balm at a time when I felt like I was drowning in custodial duties for the family. But a painting class the year before had been just as therapeutic.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m a mother and homemaker first. And somewhere down the line when I may be sitting in a rocking chair looking back over my life, I think the dead tomato plant will mean more to me than my first paycheck as a writer."

I'm not dottering yet, but I do have a rocking chair, and the dead tomato plant does mean more to me than the first paycheck I received as a writer.

Wishing all the other mothers out there a day destined to be remembered with such fondness.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I saw this report on CNN Online and couldn't believe it....

"Wal-Mart has agreed to pay nearly $2 million and take extra safety precautions after a stampede killed a store employee in Long Island, New York last year. It happened as the store opened on the day after Thanksgiving last November, which is traditionally among the busiest day of the year for retailers.

Wal-Mart agreed to pay $1.5 million for community programs in Nassau County and another $400,000 to compensate people who were injured in the incident and repay them for out-of-pocket expenditures.

The retailer will implement a crowd management program at each of its 92 stores in New York for after-Thanksgiving shopping. The plan was developed by experts who have worked on crowd management at Super Bowls and Olympic Games. ...."

Okay, so a bunch of people act like maniacs to get into a store ahead of everyone else and the store has to pay? I remember when this was first reported last November and hints were given that it would go to litigation. Why not? Wal-Mart has deep pockets. But part of me was hoping the case would go in front of a judge who would see that THE STORE WAS NOT AT FAULT. (Pardon the shouting, but is this not ridiculous?)

Deep breath.... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Okay. Better now. Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Back Home Again

I returned from my long trip late yesterday afternoon, exhausted and glad to be home. The trip to Michigan was wonderful, and the birthday party for my mother was great. Everyone had a nice time, especially Mother who enjoyed visiting with children, grand children, great-grandchildren, other assorted relatives and friends.

One of the highlights of the party was a bag of old photographs my cousin brought. She and mother had a good time going through pictures and remembering. Later, some of the rest of us got to see the pictures, too. There were a number of pictures of my mother and her sister when they were young, as well as some shots of her parents and grandparents. They were cool to see.

It is always so nice to connect to the past that way, and sometimes I don't think we do enough of that. Or if we do, it is by dredging up past hurts and problems.

My sister and I tried to avoid that while I was there. We did spend some time reminiscing about our childhood while the three of us were sketching one day, and Mother commented that Nita and I were only talking about the good things. I don't think either one of us made a conscious decision to do that, and we certainly don't do it all the time, but it was healthy I think to focus on the pleasant memories.

At least it sure felt good to me.

The Secret to Staying Young

Here's more fun from my friend Tracy Farr....

That’s right, I have the Secret To Staying Young. It doesn’t come in a bottle, it doesn’t come in a pill, and you don’t have to torture yourself with Richard Simmons tapes and Veggie Drinks. And, because you are my friend, I’m letting you in on the secret Absolutely Free!

And here it is: Get Off Your Buttocks And Do Something Different, Out Of The Ordinary, Something So Totally Unexpected That Your Friends And Neighbors Will Think You’ve Lost Your Ever-Loving Mind!

“But Tracy, how is THAT going to keep me looking young?”

Well, it won’t. You’re getting older and some of your parts have already packed up and moved south without you. But I didn’t say my secret would keep you LOOKING young. I said it will keep you STAYING young.

Researchers have learned that as you grow older, if you keep your mind active by learning new things and trying something different every now and then, you can keep your mind from turning into mush and squirting out your ear. And as far as I’m concerned, having my brain squirt all over my living room is not my idea of a good time. So, that’s why I’m learning to play the fiddle.

“Oh Holey Moley, Tracy, that’s what you told us LAST week!”

I did? You mean I’m repeating myself? Oh no, my mind is already turning to mush! I feel the squirt a comin’. It’s comin’ round the bend. And I ain’t seen the sunshine since....

Oh no! Now I’m quoting Johnny Cash songs! It’s too late for me. I’m all mush. Save yourselves! Go bungee jumping! Skydiving! Learn to speak Chinese! Do anything to keep your mind strong and active as you approach old age and beyond.

Just do me one favor. Remember me. Remember me as the guy who kept your brain from squirting all over the place. Remember me, because Heaven knows I won’t be able to.

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Stinky Creek Texas -- Where we don't have mush

Help For Addicts

There is an interesting article on CNN Health about new medications to help treat addictions. It's well worth the read for anyone who has dealt with addictions or knows someone with an addiction problem. This new treatment sounds promising.

However, one statement in the story caught me up short:

These findings highlight what's become increasingly clear: Addiction is a brain disease, not just a failure of willpower.

Are there still people who don't realize that? It has been scientifically proven for decades that addiction is an illness, not a human weakness. Sure, it does take some strength of character to acknowledge the illness and seek help, but it is still an illness.

The article describes two drugs that have been used successfully to curb the urge to drink. The drugs, naltrexone and topiramate, block the release of brain chemicals that are linked to pleasure., and people in the research study known as COMBINE report that they no longer even have the urge to drink.

Traditional rehab programs such as AA and Betty Ford advocate behavioral therapy combined with a spiritual component but don't use drugs. Experts there say the drug therapy doesn't address all those component, so maybe a combination of approaches would have the most success.

Whatever path is chosen by an addict, it is important that the people he or she meets along that path treat understand the disease and treat the patient with dignity.

Well, fiddle-dee-dee

Here's another piece of nonsense from my friend Tracy Farr....

This story is going to be short. I’m working on a plan to train my cats. I want them to scatter whenever I come into the house, and I don’t want them to re-appear until I leave. To accomplish this, I went out and rented the best “Cat Away” device ever invented by man – a fiddle.

That’s right, I’m going to learn how to play the fiddle, and at the same time teach those cats to FEAR me!

The man at the store wanted to rent me a violin, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I stood my ground until he rented me a fiddle. And I decided to RENT one because I knew if I walked into my house with a paid-for fiddle, my spouse would have thrown a skillet at me and those things aren't made of plastic, don’t ya know!

Yep, going to learn how to fiddle. That way, when I’m done piddling around the house, I can fiddle for awhile, and become the best piddling fiddle player in the neighborhood.

And speaking of neighbors – I have no idea what they’re going to think of me when I start screeching and scratching all hours of the day and night, but I’m sure I’ll hear about it sooner or later.

Well, got to go now! I see a cat – and I’d rather not!

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Stinky Creek Texas -- Where we love to fiddle

A Little Quiet Please

Recently in the Dallas Morning News, I read a wonderful column about the benefits of meditation. Erin Goldman of Dallas, a high school senior, wrote the piece and it touched me on many levels.

First, I could relate to what she wrote, "Meditation is more than sitting cross-legged on the floor in quiet darkness; it's an instrument for heightening awareness. My mind is perpetually churning. Thoughts, worries and fears pour into my head like a furious thunderstorm and leave me drenched. Meditation provides an umbrella."

I read that section several times, reminding myself that the words were written by a teenage girl, not a seasoned columnist who spent years perfecting a pleasant, engaging writing style.

Then I went outside, where I do my best meditating, content in the knowledge that the world of journalism is safe in the hands of young people like Erin. Not only is she bright and articulate, but she knows how to keep a balance in life. If we are never quiet, where do the profound thoughts come from?

Going on Vacation

Tomorrow morning I leave for a long drive to Michigan, but the miles are worth it. I'm going to see my mother and help celebrate her 90th Birthday.

There was a time many years ago when we weren't sure she would make it to 70, let alone 90, but thankfully she is still with us, and still in relatively good health.

I'm really looking forward to this trip. It will be nice to kick back and relax, and if the weather is nice we can take our sketchpads out on the deck overlooking the river at my sister's house. That is one of the things we enjoy a lot, and the first thing I packed was the bag with my art supplies.

If the weather doesn't cooperate, we can sit inside and knit. That is another thing we share in common. We like to do all kinds of hand crafts, although Mother is much better at it than I am. :-)

But the most important thing will be just being there. Talking, looking at pictures. Talking some more. Visiting with my sister and all her family.

I thought about bringing my laptop computer and keeping up with e-mail and maybe doing some work, but as this day has progressed, I've thought less about that and more about how nice it will be to have 10 days away from all that and just immersed in family.

So that is what I am going to do. I will disappear from the blogosphere and the Internet for about ten days. Will the earth stand still because of my absence?

Ha! I don't think so.

But thanks to a function with Blogger that allows us to schedule blogs, I have a few posts ready for certain days so readers still have something fresh now and then.

Who Are The Best And The Brightest?

According to Judith Warner who writes the Domestic Disturbances blog for the New York Times, those terms have been used to describe the top dogs on Wall Street. The men and women who study the market, buy and sell, and make tons of money.

In a recent blog, she questioned why those Wall Street honchos are considered the best and the brightest. She wrote that the best and the brightest used to mean the people who were supposed to be the smartest, not who made the most money.

Amen to that.

Before reading her blog, I was not aware that we looked on the folks on Wall Street with such esteem. I certainly did not. My esteem was reserved for educators, doctors, some journalists, nurses, social workers, some members of clergy, and people like my father and grandfather who did not have a lot of formal education, but thought reading the entire set of encyclopedias was a good idea.

A Job Saved

I know Mondays are usually reserved for Tracy Farr's nonsense, but I couldn't resist putting this one up early. Enjoy.....

Links fixed

In last week's Stinky Creek Newsletter, none of the links worked because of the downturn in our economy. We instituted a new process for linking which had a few bugs. But NOW, hopefully, all those bugs are fixed. Here's the story that started it all:

Economic stimulus package saves job at Daily Spittoon

For awhile it looked like The Daily Spittoon was going to take a hit from the downturn in the economy, but not anymore.

The recent multi-billion dollar stimulus package has made it possible for Joel Ramón, the Spittoon's Link Manager for 20 years, to keep his job instead of being laid off.

"This is a happy day for me," Ramón said. "I just knew I was going to be the next victim of this economy, but I guess I got lucky."

Ramón came to the Spittoon in 1989, at a time when "links" on web pages were painted by hand. Each link was painted in three different colors and had to work independently of all the other links.

"It was a very technical process," Ramón said. "There had to be a color for a link that hadn't been opened, an underlying color that showed up when a user's cursor hovered above it, then the third color to show that the link had been opened. And this all had to be done by hand -- with oil-based paint and brush. It was a demanding job, but very satisfying."

Things changed for Ramón when the economy took a turn for the worse. Costs had to be cut, and it made more sense to paint links with a computer application than by hand.

"It seemed like overnight I was out of a job," Ramón said. "One day I was happily painting links, and the next thing I know some college kid with a degree is doing it all on computer -- without even getting paint on his fingers. I guess I could have learned how to do it digitally, but I refused. Painting links is an art form in and of itself. You can do it on computer, but it's just not the same."

Luckily for Joel Ramón, the stimulus package came just in time to save his job.

"I am now the Spittoon's District Paint Application Manager," Ramón said. "I make sure the walls are painted, the trim is decorative, and keep tabs on any touchups that need to be made. Not only that, but twice a year I get to pick a wall and paint a mural on it.

"When one door closes, another door opens," Ramón added. "I'm now having the best time of my life."

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The Daily Spittoon - – Sometimes progress sucks.

A Photographer

I keep saying I'm not a professional photographer. And I must admit I am a long way from being a good professional photographer. But since I take the majority of the pictures for WinnsboroToday.com I guess I am a professional.

Plus, I can hardly pass up an opportunity to take a picture of our animals or some flowers. If I stop what I am doing so I can get this kind of shot, I guess that must mean I am a photograper. :-)

Are They Trying to Tell me Something

Does anybody but me think it is funny that just below the picture of my book are all the Google ads for trash cans?

That's It, I've Had Enough

Another wonderful bit of nonsense from my friend, Tracy Farr. Enjoy.....

I just wanted you to know that this past Tuesday I was so fed up with work that I finally decided to quit and find something better to do – maybe drive a big rig to California and deliver eggs or something.

So with that in mind, I started cleaning out my desk because that’s what you do when you’re tired of a place and you’re going to hit the road – you clean out your desk. And do you know what I found in there? Things that I’ve been missing for years. All this time they’ve been stuck in a bottom drawer and I never knew they were there. I placed them in my “clean out my desk” box so I won’t lose them again.

With the top of my desk spotless, and my drawers almost completely emptied, I turned to my filing cabinet.

There’s not many things more satisfying than chunking files into the trash. Eating a beef burrito comes close, but not quite close enough. So, I pulled out a file that I haven’t used since the 80s, chunked it in the trash, then pulled out another file. Checked to make sure it wasn’t important, then chunked it in the trash, too. In no time at all my filing cabinet was all in order, my trash bin was overflowing, and I started on my bookshelf.

Yep, won’t need that pamphlet any more – throw it in the trash. Nope – I’ll never be thumbing through that book again – just slam dunk it. Why, looky there – there’s an entire stack of magazines full of lots of good things – throw them all in the trash where they belong. Clean, clean, clean. Chunk, chunk, chunk. Find another trash can, fill it up, too. Don’t stop until you’ve cleaned up your entire life and are ready to ride off into the sunset. Then, and only then, sit back and relax with your newly found feeling of freedom.

And do you know what I found when I sat back and relaxed with my newly found feeling of freedom? My office doesn’t look half bad anymore. In fact, it looks quite inviting and comfortable.

Hmmm. Maybe I’ll stick around a little bit longer.
___________________________________________________
The Daily Spittoon – It’s better to clean up than to give up!

Happy Spring

Some of us are celebrating Easter this weekend, and even though we have no little ones to hunt for eggs or hidden Easter Baskets, my husband and I have gotten into the spirit of the season. I dug out a basket and he shopped for some goodies to put in it. Then I decided to make a pineapple upside-down cake.

And since we don't have any other adults around us to tell us we couldn't, we decided to eat some of the cake yesterday - Friday - even though the cake was supposed to be for Easter Sunday.

Today has felt like a holiday, too. We went out to breakfast, as we can't do that on Sunday because of church duties. Met some friends in town and had a nice visit with them.

I know lots of people join us in this Easter celebration, but I also know that some of the people who may wander by this blog do not. Jews are celebrating Passover this weekend, and it is not a coincidence that it happens the same time as Easter. After all, Jesus was a Jew.

There are people of many other faiths who don't celebrate either Easter or Passover, but almost all religions have some kind of observance to mark the beginning of new life in the spring. And it is such an exciting time for us all as we watch the earth come back to life after the desolation of winter.

Sometimes it feels like we come back to life, too. And maybe we do.

Old Friends

Old cars can be a source of unlimited frustration and anxiety for their owners, and yet they can hold a certain amount of charm and sentimentality. While most old cars are barely held together with chewing gum and rubber bands, and they threaten to die at each stop sign, many people would rather get rid of the family dog than part with a cherished old car.

My friend in college had a battered old Plymouth, and its only redeeming quality was the fact that it would get us where we wanted to go, and most of the time it would get us back again. One of the most interesting features of this car, besides the fender that I would have to pick up from the pavement every time we stopped at a traffic light, were the two-by-fours across the frame that supported the seats.

Not having a floor in the car gave us a false sense of security, in that we figured if the brakes ever gave out, we could still stop the car by dragging our feet. It also provided an unlimited source of ventilation which was terrific in the summer, but a little uncomfortable in the winter, especially in a snowstorm.

Then there was my sister's dottering Chevy that could go almost forever on a tank of gas, but needed a quart of oil every other mile. If we forgot the oil, interesting things would start to happen under the hood, and we were sure that the engine was about to throw pistons and rods all over the road.

Then there was the friend who had an ancient Rambler that barely limped from mile to mile, but which sported a brand new set of seat covers. Since the car had over a hundred thousand miles on it, it is understandable that my friend hesitated to invest in new seat covers, but the choice was taken out of his hands when the springs started poking through the seat and tearing up his good suits.

Closing the doors in his car required more than just the usual wrist motion, as the driver's window had to be rolled all the way down before the passenger door would close. But at least the doors opened and closed and the windows went up and down.

The window on the driver's side of the Pinto we once owned didn't go up or down, and when I pulled up at the drive through window at the bank, I would have to get out of the car to do my banking.

I would get some strange looks from people waiting in line, but maybe most of them understood. Surely there was an interesting old car somewhere in their background too.

What about you? Do you have a story about an old car you'd like to share?

Testing

Something seems to be wrong with Blogger today. Can't get my post to show up.

Ranting Again

Okay, I thought I could maybe go a whole week or so without a rant, but a story on Sixty Minutes this evening got to me.

The story was about an oncology clinic in Las Vegas that was closed because of the tough economic times. The hospital CEO was interviewed and she said that the state budget is decimated because of the loss of tax revenue from gaming and construction, and the hospital lost millions of medicare funding.

That wasn't what was so upsetting. What was difficult to watch was the interviews with patients who were no longer going to be able to receive chemotherapy. They all said that without treatment they will die.

The people featured in this story have no insurance. Many of them have lost their jobs and therefore their health coverage. Yet, they do not qualify for some kinds of social assistance since they are not among the poorest of the poor. So they are out there in some terrible medical limbo with no hope in sight.

I'm not faulting the hospital for having to make this tough decision, but I do wonder if that hospital CEO and other administrators have taken a pay cut to help balance their budget. And what else have they done to streamline costs before taking this drastic step? Like any other business, there is so much administrative waste in a large hospital, that a couple of million dollars could be found so a few more people don't have to die.

Easy Does It

Okay, I'm off my high-horse and much more mellow today. It is an absolutely gorgeous day and there is no way I can be strident with such a beautiful view out my office window.

The trees are leafing out, and the berry vines are covered in white flowers. Not too long now and I will be out picking berries and having them with my breakfast. That is if the birds leave me enough to harvest. There is a small flock of little sparrows already eyeing the vines. And a few robins are keeping watch from the branches of a sweet gum tree.

It is also a warm day with bright blue in the sky and bold sunlight cutting through the trees. I think I would much rather be outside than inside. In fact, I can't even count how many times I've made up an excuse to leave my office.

Whoops, I feel another one coming on....

Can the President Really do This?

The other day President Barack Obama told Rick Wagoner, CEO of General Motors, to step down. First of all, I couldn't believe that the president would actually do that, and I was shocked that Wagoner agreed. And I can't help but wonder what happened behind the scenes to lead to this.

Wagoner's tenure as CEO of General Motors occurred during a recession and high gas prices that led to a sharp decline in GM stock value, and inthe last four years GM lost $82 billion. Even so, the federal government has no authority to dictate to businesses.

There is some talk that there are more measures proposed by the government that will impact workers, unions, suppliers, shareholders, retirees and the communities where plants are located.

I suppose that the White House is justifying the interferance because of the millions of dollars that have been loaned to General Motors and Chrysler in recent months. The taxpayers are asking for accountability and transparancy as to how this money is being used. But I haven't met a taxpayer yet who supports the president telling people how to conduct business.

We are swiftly moving toward a socialistic absolutism, which is a form of government in which a single leader or party exercises absolute control over all citizens and every aspect of their lives.

I don't know about you, but I like to control my own life, thank you very much.

Meeting the Public

A number of people came to the library in Tyler to meet the authors and it was fun to talk to folks about books. The children provided the most fun as they marveled at us "real writers." I guess some of them have no concept of what is behind their favorite book. Sort of like many kids think hamburger originates in the supermarket packaged in shrink wrap.

The other great thing about attending an event like this is the opportunity to meet other authors. There are a few that I have gotten to know from sharing other venues, and it is always fun to see them again, as well as meet new friends. Sharon Ellsberry writes the cutest books featuring spaniel dogs, and Jan Mathew has written haiku and prose about cats with very nice ink illustrations.

There were authors with self-help type books, including Elizabeth Baker who has written for WinnsboroToday.com for a number of years. Liza Ely was there with her book, Conscious Acts of Grace, which deals with end-of-life issues is a truly positive, uplifting way. Vina Lee is a life coach and has an interesting book titled, Get Out of Jail Free.

I enjoyed visiting with these authors, as well as Joe Lansdale and James Olson who both write fiction. We shared a panel discussion in the afternoon and the audience seemed to appreciate what we had to say about the wacky world of writing.

I always come home from an all-day event like this exhausted, yet energized by spending time around so many people who love books and love to write.

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Here are links to Web sites of some of the featured authors in case you are interested in checking out their books:

Linda Ayers www.lindaayers.com

Sharon Ellsberry www.gospaniels.com

Joe Lansdale www.joerlansdale.com

James Olson www.booksbyolson.com

Vina Lee www.freewebs.com/alcoachacademy/

Elizabeth Baker www.elizabethbakerbooks.com

Jan B. Mathew janbmathew.com

Liza Ely centerofwellbeing.com

Random Thoughts

This has been a disjointed day for me as I have a lot of things going on. Started this morning when I decided to plant beans. Seemed like a good thing to do since we are getting a lot of rain here in East Texas over the last few days.

While I was out working in the garden, I discovered that something ate my peas. I had several coming up and had just put up a trellis to support the vines. Too late to replant now. Drat. Guess I will plant a few more beans and hope something doesn't eat them, too.

I am getting ready for an all day event at a library tomorrow, so I am working down a to-do list to make sure I have everything else taken care of. I will have to leave early in the morning to drive almost two hours to the library in Tyler.

If any of you reading this live near Tyler, do stop by from 10 until 4:30. There will be a number of authors there with a wide variety of books.

This event is called "Azalea Tales" and is running in conjunction with the annual "Azalea Trails" that takes place when the flowers are in their full glory.

I have a few azaleas blooming, but they are not as full and lush as the ones in this picture. I guess I need to add more compost for them.

Guest Blog

Here is your weekly dose of humor from my friend Tracy Farr. Enjoy.....


The Beckster

I betcha you’ll never guess where I am right now as I’m writing this. Go ahead, give it a shot. You’ll never guess. Not in a million years. Giving up so soon? Gosh, you didn’t even try. Okay I’ll tell you. I’m in downtown Ft. Worth, sitting in the Ft. Worth Convention Center watching the 2009 Marching Auxiliaries National Dance Championships.

That’s right – DANCE! And I’ve been here since 6 a.m. By the time I get home to edit all this, I will have spent 14 hours in a perfectly-good arena and not seen one hockey game.

Fourteen hours of nonstop estrogen-induced bust-a-move dance performed by little girls wearing a whole lot of practically nothing. No Red-Blooded American “Old Guy” should EVER be caught in a place like this when he could be out on the lake or watching NASCAR! But my little girl, Becky, is on one of the dance teams and that’s what makes it okay – so they say.

Becky is 11 and in 5th grade. Her full name is Rebecca Michelle, but we call her Becky. Sometimes we call her The Beckster, other times Beck, Becca, BeckBeck, Booster, Bebop, and for some odd reason, Parker. (Don’t ask me why because I don’t know.)

Beckster has been dancing for eight years, but she’s not your typical “dancer girl.” She likes to ride on my motorcycle. She’s the only one in my family who has had the nerve to go flying with me. She doesn’t mind watching me skin a squirrel. And she can belch better than you and me put together. Yep, she’s gonna make a good catch for some guy out there. But not just ANY guy. In fact, let’s just forget about guys for now. I’m sorry I even brought up the subject.

ATTENTION ALL GUYS: Yes, my Beckster can bust a move on the dance floor, throwing her hips around in such a way you’d bet money they were about to fly off, hit someone in the head, and give them a concussion – but, that does NOT mean she’s interested in YOU!

In fact, if you even THINK about coming over to my house to pick up my little girl, you better know something in advance – I have weapons. They’re loaded, and I know how to point and click! So, it might be best for you to go and pick on some other daddy’s little girl. I cannot be held responsible for what might happen if you don’t.

Just remember – goats eat everything.
________________________________________
The Daily Spittoon - – Not as good as a nap, but close.

Old Friends

Old cars can be a source of unlimited frustration and anxiety for their owners, and yet they can hold a certain amount of charm and sentimentality. While most old cars are barely held together with chewing gum and rubber bands, and they threaten to die at each stop sign, many people would rather get rid of the family dog than part with a cherished old car.

My friend in college had a battered old Plymouth, and its only redeeming quality was the fact that it would get us where we wanted to go, and most of the time it would get us back again. One of the most interesting features of this car, besides the fender that I would have to pick up from the pavement every time we stopped at a traffic light, were the two-by-fours across the frame that supported the seats.

Not having a floor in the car gave us a false sense of security, in that we figured if the brakes ever gave out, we could still stop the car by dragging our feet. It also provided an unlimited source of ventilation which was terrific in the summer, but a little uncomfortable in the winter, especially in a snowstorm.

Then there was my sister's dottering Chevy that could go almost forever on a tank of gas, but needed a quart of oil every other mile. If we forgot the oil, interesting things would start to happen under the hood, and we were sure that the engine was about to throw pistons and rods all over the road.

Then there was the friend who had an ancient Rambler that barely limped from mile to mile, but which sported a brand new set of seat covers. Since the car had over a hundred thousand miles on it, it is understandable that my friend hesitated to invest in new seat covers, but the choice was taken out of his hands when the springs started poking through the seat and tearing up his good suits.

Closing the doors in his car required more than just the usual wrist motion, as the driver's window had to be rolled all the way down before the passenger door would close. But at least the doors opened and closed and the windows went up and down.

The window on the driver's side of the Pinto we once owned didn't go up or down, and when I pulled up at the drive through window at the bank, I would have to get out of the car to do my banking.

I would get some strange looks from people waiting in line, but maybe most of them understood. Surely there was an interesting old car somewhere in their background too.

What about you? Do you have a story about an old car you'd like to share?

BWL Scavenger Hunt

Just read on the Books We Love Readers group on Yahoo that the Scavenger Hunt contest has been extended and incorporates a membership drive. I was busy all weekend so I didn't see that things had changed until today.

Books We Love (BWL) is a great place to find new authors and new books to read. On the actual BWL site readers can meet the authors and read excerpts of books. On the new BWL Readers group, people can join in daily discussions about books, read more excerpts, and get to know more about the BWL authors than maybe you want to know. :-)

So, here is the info on how the Scavenger Hunt contest is going to run.


Scavenger Hunt/New Member Drive

From now through the end of April, the BWL Reader's loop is having a grand opening Scavenger Hunt and new member drive. The events promise to be fun. Twenty authors have put up prizes, many of them autographed print copies of their books. The "travel/road map" for the Hunt will be posted daily on the BWL readers list. Answers to the questions are clearly displayed in excerpts, teasers, and descriptions on the designated websites on the travel/road map. Come and play, join the loop, you might get doubly lucky!

Please fell free to pass along the information.

To join: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BWL_Readers

Fun Scavenger Hunt

Tomorrow on Books We Love Reader's loop at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BWL_Readers

we'll be hosting a grand opening Scavenger Hunt. It promises to be fun. Twenty authors have put up prizes, many of them autographed print copies of their books, including me. A copy of Play It Again Sam is one of the prizes.

The answers to the questions you'll be given are clearly displayed in excerpts, teasers and descriptions on the designated websites on the travel map. Come and play.

This was organized by Ginger Simpson, who is terrific about promoting fellow authors as well as her own work.

The "road map" will be posted on the loop tomorrow morning and you'll have until Sunday at noon to email your answers to Ginger. Her e-mail is listed on the group.

The winners will be announced Sunday evening there. Hope to see you.

Why men like dogs and women like cats

As a change of pace from the last entry, here is another bit of humor from my friend, Tracy Farr....

Have you ever given much thought to why a majority of men prefer dogs and a majority of women prefer cats? I have. Not that I really care. But last Tuesday, having nothing better to do, I sat down and gave the question my undivided attention. Thirty minutes was just about all I could stand.

I believe men prefer dogs because dogs behave exactly the way a man wishes his woman would behave, but never will because women are smarter than that.

Dogs will fetch without complaining. They come when they’re called. T hey don’t mind rolling over to have their tummies scratched. And they’re always happy to wag a bit of tail. They don’t need extra time to “put on their face. ” They never grumble about how much football you watch. You can train them to do just about anything, and they never complain about how much more Debbie Howard’s husband makes compared to you.

Dogs have a one-track mind – they want to please. Women on the other hand are multi-faceted creatures that want to please up to a point – and if you don’t take out the trash, you’ll never get to that point.

Men would marry dogs if they could, but I think it’s illegal.

I have no idea why women prefer cats. I think it’s because cats purr. But other than that, cats and men have practically the same qualities – all of which are hated by women.

Cats stay out late at night and never tell you where they’ve been. They never come when called (unless it pertains to food), and they’re always spitting up globs of gunk that shouldn’t have been able to survive in their digestive system in the first place.

Cats leave hairs all over the place. They bring dead animals home and expect you to be impressed. They disappear whenever work needs to be done, and they expect you to clean up their poop because heaven knows they won’t do it themselves.

Women would never marry cats because that’s stupid. Besides, how would a cat support a family? On dead birds? I think not!

I told my man/woman, dog/cat theory to a good friend of mine. She said it was all bunk. She prefers dogs and her husband prefers cats.

As for me, I prefer goats. Goats aren’t like men or women. Goats are like goats. And as long as they eat my grass so I don’t have to mow, the more the merrier.

Another Absurdity

Joe Deshotel, a Texas state lawmaker, filed a bill this week that would create a pilot program designed to pay cash to students at low-performing schools for good grades in core subjects.

Freshmen could earn $50 for each "A," $35 for each "B," and $20 for each "C" in English, math, science or social studies. They would get half their money at the end of each grading period and the other half at graduation. They would also receive college and career counseling through the program.

Funding for the bill would come from $6 billion in federal stimulus money the state is planning to use on education.

At first glance, that might seem like a good idea. And I'm sure students are all for it, as are the parents who are already paying their kids for grades. Now they won't have to foot that bill.

But is it really a good idea?

Some argue that the kids need the incentive. Those on the "pro" side, also say that this helps kids prepare for the working world in which their pay will reflect their effort.

Those on the "con" side believe that education should be on a different level. That kids should learn for the sake of learning. That education is about so much more than performance and test scores and grades that could earn them a few bucks.

This debate has been going on for several years now, and there are other states already using some kind of payment reward for students. There isn't a consensus about whether it is the best approach or not, and there may never be a consensus.

I'm on the con side of the issue. Where do you stand?

Read an E-Book Week

In celebration of "Read an E-Book Week" there is a lot of buzz around the internet about e-books. Some blogs are offering contests, free books, and lots of other fun stuff.

On Charlotte Phillips blog, she has a list of e-books that have received good reviews and might be worthy of a look-see. Check it out HERE This is a book review site, and many of the books listed are ones that Charlotte has read and recommends.

Enjoy!

The Dead Horse

This is a joke making the rounds on the Internet, and it is just so timely I figured it was worth posting here. Enjoy...........


Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100, and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The horse died."

"Well, then just give me my money back," Chuck said.

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off," Chuck said.

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

"Sure I can," Chuck said. "I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"

"I raffled him off," Chuck said. " I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He's the one who figured out how this "bail-out" is going to work.

New Interview

I don't know about you, but I enjoy reading different interviews of authors to find out more about them, their books, and their approach to writing. We all do some things pretty much the same way -- sit our butts down in the chair and write -- but we all have little idiosyncrasies and rituals that differ.

For a while now, Suite 101 has been doing a series on writer's rituals, and I am the guest author today. If you are interested in what my office looks like and what can distract me from writing, you can read my interview HERE

If you do go over to read the interview, I hope you stay for a while and read some of the others. Interesting, fun stuff there.

Free Books

This was posted on one of the groups I belong to, and I thought, who doesn't like free books? So let's all see what treasures we can find this coming week.

Just to let you know that we'll be helping to celebrate Read an eBook Week next week by having some eBooks available to download for free. The week starts on Sunday, so if you could spread the word, that would be great.

To celebrate Read an eBook Week, March 8th – 14th, BeWrite Books will be giving away a selection of eBooks to download for free. Please follow this link to download your free copies. Each day will have a different genre of books to chose from including Crime, Adventure, Fantasy etc.
More details on Read an eBook Week can be found here:
http://www.ebookweek.com/index.html

To download your copies visit BeWrite Books:
http://www.bewrite.net/bookshop/download.htm

Great Contest Coming

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS! In celebration of the grand opening of the new Books We Love Reader's Group at yahoo, BWL_Readers@yahoogroups.com, we're asking you to get acquainted with some of our authors by participating in a fun scavenger hunt. We promise it isn't hard. You just have to follow the provided links listed on the loop the morning of March 20th and answer some really easy questions. The answers are all there...you just have to find and collect them all to be entered into a drawing for one of eighteen books. Some will even be personally autographed. You'll have two days, with the contest ending Saturday at midnight. All entries must be received by Ginger Simpson at mizging@gmail.com by noon on Sunday, 3/22. Winners will be announced shortly after.

Whether you come to play or not, we hope you will join us in celebrating the beginning of what we hope will be a stimulating and pleasant group experience. If you aren't familiar with us, please visit http://www.bookswelove.net and get an idea of who we are and what we're about. I'm sure you may have already played in a contest or two there. Jude Pittman has assembled a wonderful group of talent, but without readers, we don't have much purpose. Come join us, won't you. Remember, Friday, March 20th.

Join us in welcoming Spring!

The Epitome of Absurd

I just read this little tidbit of news on CNN news online. It seems the absurd lawsuit -- $54 million over a missing pair of pants -- just won't go away:

"The District of Columbia Court of Appeals denied Roy Pearson’s “voluminous” petition to rehear his case, attorney Christopher Manning said in a written statement Tuesday. Manning represents the family who owns the dry cleaners Pearson sued.

In December, the court denied Pearson’s initial appeal. His final option is to ask the U.S. Supreme Court hear his case.

The saga began in May 2005, when Pearson took several pairs of pants to Chung’s Custom Cleaners for alteration as he prepared to start a new job. Pearson said one pair of pants was lost and the Chungs tried to give him another instead."

I remember when this case was first filed in 2005, and I couldn't believe that it even got past the first judge. Talk about frivolous lawsuits. Not that $54 million is frivolous, but over a pair of pants?

It is fitting that the DC Court of Appeals denied this latest appeal, and I hope Pearson does not take it to the Supreme Court. There are more important things for the Justices to consider than giving a man millions of dollars because his pants were lost. Or even because the owners of the dry cleaners tried to pass off a replacement pair and not tell him.

If I remember correctly, once the duplicity was proven, the owners offered to replace the lost pants and apologized, and that should have been sufficient.

In fact, I thought it was, way back then in 2005, and breathed a sigh of relief that the case was settled and gone. So I was shocked to see the news this morning, and I only have one thing to say," Stop wasting the courts' precious time, Mr. Pearson."