Career Beginnings

The one or two fans who have been following my career since its beginning, gulp, almost thiry years ago, you know where the title It's Not All Gravy comes from. For the rest of you who might be wondering, here is the story.

My very first publishing success was a weekly column that I did for a local newspaper in a suburb of Dallas. It was a humorous look at family life and at the time I had plenty of family to draw material from; five kids, two dogs, a couple of hamsters, and a husband thrown into the mix somewhere.

When the original column started, the one thing I didn't expect was notoriety. I wasn't used to being recognized in the grocery store, unless it was by the cashier who remembered me coming through her line with two grocery carts full of baby food; and usually the only adult I talked to in the park was myself.

With the exception of a few close friends and neighbors, I also didn't expect to have many fans. (Is insecurity a prerequisite to being a writer?) So it was quite a pleasant surprise when people stopped me in the store, or came up to me at the soccer field to say how much they enjoyed reading the column. It would also prove to be embarrassing on the occasions I just ran out to get something at the last minute and wore my ten-year-old cutoffs and a stained tee-shirt. That was proper attire for a hard-working Mom, but hardly fit being a celebrity.

Family reactions to my new-found fame varied. I, of course, was thrilled. When the cover story and first column appeared I found it very difficult to bring myself to perform such mundane things as fixing supper, washing dishes, and bathing kids. I kept telling myself that certainly a 'famous writer' should not have to stoop so low, but alas, I couldn't get my kids to see the logic in my reasoning. For some strange reason they thought they still had to eat, so in the newspaper I was a famous writer and in the kitchen, I was still the maid.

Our two oldest kids seemed to be thrilled to see their names in the articles, unless I delved into something they weren't ready to share with the entire Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Then they'd run home from school and demand to know how I could be so cruel.

Our middle son, who was six at the time, seemed a little vague about the whole concept of getting published. How did what I typed in my home office get into the paper? And why was the newspaper printing it? (I told him not to knock a good thing. At least I was getting paid.)

He also wanted to know what the title, IT'S NOT ALL GRAVY, meant. "We don't have gravy hardly ever."

"That's what I mean."

He still didn't get it.

My husband's reaction was a mixture of pride and endless teasing. He'd always supported my quest for publication and when the endless stream of rejection slips threatened to overcome me, he'd always tell me to hang in. Someday it would happen.

But he couldn't, and still can't, resist the occasional dig. Sometimes he comes into my office to inquire whether he can interrupt the famous author at work. Depending on what he wants, I might accept the interruption. Cooking dinner is not even on the list of things I'll stop for, but there are other offers well worth the break.

Career Beginnings

The one or two fans who have been following my career since its beginning, gulp, almost thiry years ago, you know where the title It's Not All Gravy comes from. For the rest of you who might be wondering, here is the story.

My very first publishing success was a weekly column that I did for a local newspaper in a suburb of Dallas. It was a humorous look at family life and at the time I had plenty of family to draw material from; five kids, two dogs, a couple of hamsters, and a husband thrown into the mix somewhere.

When the original column started, the one thing I didn't expect was notoriety. I wasn't used to being recognized in the grocery store, unless it was by the cashier who remembered me coming through her line with two grocery carts full of baby food; and usually the only adult I talked to in the park was myself.

With the exception of a few close friends and neighbors, I also didn't expect to have many fans. (Is insecurity a prerequisite to being a writer?) So it was quite a pleasant surprise when people stopped me in the store, or came up to me at the soccer field to say how much they enjoyed reading the column. It would also prove to be embarrassing on the occasions I just ran out to get something at the last minute and wore my ten-year-old cutoffs and a stained tee-shirt. That was proper attire for a hard-working Mom, but hardly fit being a celebrity.

Family reactions to my new-found fame varied. I, of course, was thrilled. When the cover story and first column appeared I found it very difficult to bring myself to perform such mundane things as fixing supper, washing dishes, and bathing kids. I kept telling myself that certainly a 'famous writer' should not have to stoop so low, but alas, I couldn't get my kids to see the logic in my reasoning. For some strange reason they thought they still had to eat, so in the newspaper I was a famous writer and in the kitchen, I was still the maid.

Our two oldest kids seemed to be thrilled to see their names in the articles, unless I delved into something they weren't ready to share with the entire Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Then they'd run home from school and demand to know how I could be so cruel.

Our middle son, who was six at the time, seemed a little vague about the whole concept of getting published. How did what I typed in my study get into the paper? And why was the newspaper printing it? (I told him not to knock a good thing. At least I was getting paid.)<

He also wanted to know what the title, IT'S NOT ALL GRAVY, meant. "We don't have gravy hardly ever."
That's what I mean."

He still didn't get it.

My husband's reaction was a mixture of pride and endless teasing. He'd always supported my quest for publication and when the endless stream of rejection slips threatened to overcome me, he'd always tell me to hang in. Someday it would happen.

But he couldn't, and still can't, resist the occasional dig. Sometimes he comes into my office to inquire whether he can interrupt the famous author at work. Depending on what he wants, I might accept the interruption. Cooking dinner is not even on the list of things I'll stop for, but there are other offers well worth the break.

I've been tagged

Morgan Mandel from http://morganmandel.blogspot.com/ tagged me to write six book things about myself.

I don't know where this started or where the rules are, but apparently we are to write six things about ourselves then tag some folks to do the same. Hope the folks I tag are up for the fun and not irritated at the intrustion. :-)

Anyway, here are the things that came quickly to mind for me.

1. I would be utterly lost if books were to disappear.

2. I can't decide if I want to be a mystery writer, or a romance writer, or a screenwriter. Is there time to be successful at all of them?

3. Give me a character I can relate to, and I will be your slave forever.

4. My favorite book of all time is Of Mice and Men. I can read it again and still cry. If Steinbeck were alive, I would be shining his shoes and washing his windows.

5. I have more books in my TBR pile than I probably have years left to live.

6. If my life was turned into a book the title would be "Maryann Who?"

Now I tag:

http://zensanity.blogspot.com/

http://thebookmuncher.blogspot.com/

http://terryodell.blogspot.com/

http://slingwords.blogspot.com/

Doesn't anyone get it?

I just read this brief news item on CNN online:

California may need a quick $7 billion loan from the federal government to pay for “teachers’ salaries, nursing homes, law enforcement and every other State-funded service” this month, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger warned in a letter sent Thursday to the U.S. Treasury secretary. The letter, posted on the Los Angeles Times Web site Friday, echoes a statement issued a day earlier by California State Treasurer Bill Lockyer, saying the state has been locked out of credit markets for the past 10 days because of the national financial crisis.

I sure wish someone would tell me why borrowing more money is the way out of this financial crisis.

The Federal government, state governments, and even school districts across the country are experiencing budget overruns and their response is to borrow money to pay for it. Isn't excessive borrowing what got us into the mortgage crisis, the national deficit, and the banking crisis?

Here's a novel idea. One taken from the budget plans of so many Americans who don't run up excessive debt. Don't spend any more money than you take in.

Let me repeat that, just in case someone missed it. Don't spend any more money that you take in.

And to borrow another approach from a family budget, pay for the necessities first, then consider luxuries.

To cover the shortfall in California, I suggest that they cut excess government. Don't pay salaries for top government officials for six months. Stop all travel and entertainment expenses for six months. Stop all advertising for six months. Maybe then they would have enough money to pay the teachers and police officers.

As to the Federal deficit. Instead of cutting taxes, cut out the obscene retirement packages that legislators receive. Freeze all pay for top government officials for six months. Freeze overseas aid for six months. Freeze all nonessential travel for six months.

Then when we can all breath a little easier, I challenge the leaders of our country to go through government and trim, trim, trim. I'm sure there would then be enough money to support our troops, support social security, and offer aid to the most needy in our country.

Your Golden Parachute

Today I am pleased to have as a guest, Mr. Tracy Farr. In addition to being an amazing jazz musician with the Stinky Creek Band, he is a humorist with more than a bit of wisdom within the words. Tracy shares his wit with the readers of WinnsboroToday.com every week in the Periodic Columns and Essays Department, (I'm Just a Guy) and he agreed to be my guest today with another new piece. So sit back, relax and enjoy:

You deserve a Golden Parachute, too

Ladies and gentlemen,

Are you tired of hearing about banks going under? Are you worried about whether or not your money is safe in your Home Town Bank? Are you wishing for just a small share of the $700 billion Congress is voting on to keep banking CEOs (who caused this mess in the first place) from losing their luxury cars and ocean-front homes?

If you are, then copy and paste the following letter, change it up however you like, send it to whomever you think will listen, and maybe YOU TOO can sew yourself a nice little Golden Parachute.

Dear Mr. President,

I recently made a mistake in my finances by purchasing too many non-essential items through my credit card, without having the money to pay for them. Yes, at the time I thought I desperately needed the 52 inch Plasma HD Flat Screen TV with the optional Dolby Surround Sound for my living room, but I realize now I could have settled for the 48 inch TV instead.

Needless to say, that, and a whole lot of other purchases just like it, has caused me and my family to be in dire need of financial assistance. Without your help, my kids will go without new shoes for the year, I'll have to drive my brand new Prius instead of my brand new Hummer because of gas prices, I will have to switch from the 275-channel cable service to the basic service, and my goats will have to eat the $10 feed instead of the better $25 feed.

With my spending down to uncomfortable levels, I feel this will cause undue stress on local businesses who rely on my spending habits. And if they fail, all of Main Street will fail -- and so goes the country.

Wall Street CEOs made bad financial decisions throughout the years, just like me, and you'll soon be bailing them out to the tune of $700 billion. All I need is a measly $20,000. That's like a drop in the bucket compared to $700 billion -- and not even a FULL drop. More like a 128th of a drop.

I know you will make the right decision and not let my poor family suffer unduly for the mistakes I've made. I'm not asking for a Golden Parachute, but a Silver one would sure help out.

Mr. President, with your assistance, I will learn from my mistakes and never, ever let it happen again -- cross my heart and hope to die; stick a needle in my eye.

_______________________________________________________

The Daily Spittoon -- Your money is absolutely safe with us!

To Swear or Not To Swear

It's not easy to decide how much colorful language to include in a book without it seeming gratutitious, and I always deferred to the characters and the story to decide. Some characters are more prone to swearing than others. But over at http://bloodredpencil.blogspot.com/ there is a discussion today about using swear words and it started me thinking about something I realized last night.

My husband and I went to a production of On Golden Pond at a community theatre here in East Texas. The director addressed the language issue before the show, noting that the original play has a fair amount of cursing. In an effort to be sensitive to this very conservative, very religious area, the director opted to take out much of the cursing. But he did leave in some words where, as he put it, "the story would have lacked something to take them out."

For the most part, you could not tell where the words had been removed, but in the few places where they were allowed, it really heightened the drama because they were in places where people very often to swear at each other. I thought the director did a great job of selecting what to cut and what to leave in.

Reflecting on that, I realized that I could be a little more selective as I get back to my work in progress. The central character is just going to have to get used to "Mommy" telling her she can no longer swear like a truck driver. :-)

Virtual Book Tour for Maryann Miller

If you are not totally sick of reading about me, there is a new entry at http://lumorgan.blogspot.com/ today. This is more of the interview, but gets into other areas besides writing and ministry. It also continues the excerpt from the first chapter of One Small Victory that was started yesterday.

LuAnn Morgan was a wonderful hostess for these past three days, and I hope to see her blog grow in popularity. She loves to read and is so gracious to authors. We need to support her.

Another stop on the tour

Continuing my virtual book tour and today I am at http://lumorgan.blogspot.com/ Here I talk about how I got into Chaplaincy and a bit about what it is like to do hospital ministry. Also have a bit more of an excerpt from One Small Victory. Stop on by if you get a chance.

Two More Stops on the Blog Tour

Today, I've cloned myself and am at two places at the same time. Ah, the marvels of modern technology. :-)

The first stop is at the PlotLIne -- http://theplotline.wordpress.com -- where there is an interview with the central character from One Small Victory. Here she talks about the difficulties of losing her son and working undercover.

Over at Reading Frenzy -- http://lumorgan.blogspot.com/ there is an interview with me that touches on hospital ministry and how my work as a chaplain has helped me in writing my books, One Small Victory and Play It Again Sam.


Come on by if you have a chance and leave a comment.

The Wonderful World of Promoting and Marketing

This past weekend was a busy one for me. Saturday I was at a street fair in a small town in Texas where several East Texas authors had a booth to promote our books. Unfortunately, we were off the main street of vendors, sandwiched between a booth selling Mexican food and one selling corn dogs and funnel cakes. Not exactly a prime position. Plus it was hot and humid, with little or no breeze. But we toughed it out and had a few nice conversations with people who enjoy books as much as we do. Even sold one or two.

Later that afternoon, I went to speak to a writing class at a community college about the benefits of book tours online. It saves gas. I don't have to dress up. I can reach thousands of people. Not to mention how much cooler I am in my air-conditioned office as I do this virtual book tour.

The downside is that I don't have easy access to a funnel cake, but, hey, one a year is plenty for me.

So today, my virtual tour starts up again. An excerpt of One Small Victory is here http://theplotline.wordpress.com/ Tomorrow I will be at the same blog for an interview, and will have a stop also at http://lumorgan.blogspot.com/

Another stop on the tour

Virtual tour stop here http://www.fictionscribe.com/

The best writing advice I ever received: Never say "no" to an opportunity.

Virtual Book Tour

After a day off to rest, do laundry and gas up my computer again, I am back on the virtual book tour. The stop for today is: http://beyondthebooks.wordpress.com/

This is another interview, but the nice thing about these interviews is that they are not all the same. On this one I get to talk a little bit about some early work, especially my y/a novel, Friends Forever. I'd written that one so long ago, I'd almost forgotten about it. But in talking to a friend this week, I was reminded that the subject matter is still relevant. It deals with the social dynamics of girls in middle school when popularity matters more than anything else. Except now, those dynamics are happening in elementary school. Pretty soon it will be in pre-school. Kinda sad.

On the Road Again

The good news for Northeast Texas is that the hurricane turned east just south of us, so there was no significant impact from Ike here. The Gulf coast is another matter, and my heart goes out to all the residents there who lost homes and are still stranded.

As life settles back to normal for me, the virtual tour is starting up again. Here is the stop for today: http://rebecca2007.wordpress.com/ This is another interview, with some insight into a part of the book not mentioned in previous interviews. If you get a chance, stop on by and leave a comment.

Crazy Day

In Texas, most of us are preparing in one way or another for Hurricane Ike. Where I live, the storm will probably hit as a tropical storm just to the west of us, so we may be in for some pretty severe weather with possible tornadoes. What fun. :-)

So I have spent part of the day trying to "batten down the hatches". That included transferring my horse to the back pasture where he has shelter, getting all the feed pans and small buckets put in the barn, clearing the front porch and deck of anything we don't want blown into the next county, and making sure we have our emergency supplies.

Needless to say, that has not left a lot of time for writing or keeping up with my virtual tour, or doing much else except keeping WinnsboroToday.com updated. But somehow I did manage to get everything done, and in the middle of it all the most amazing thing happened.

Well, maybe not THE most amazing thing to ever happen, but something so nice I couldn't let it go by unacknowledged.

Last week I went to a local quilting store where I was going to buy a second hand sewing machine. I am not an avid quilter, although I did enjoy making a quilt for my grandson when he graduated from high school a few years ago. I didn't own a sewing machine at the time, but a friend loaned me hers.

Now I have another grandson ready to graduate, and I want to make him a quilt. Problem is, my friend moved away and took her sewing machine with her. So I went to the quilting store to see if they had any second hand machines. A clerk at the store had an old Kenmore for sale, and I was thrilled to find one so quickly. When I went the next day to pick it up, however, it turned out that this old machine would not work with a quilting foot. A customer in the store heard me talking with the store owner who was pointing out this problem, and the customer said she had an older machine that she would just give me. She, the customer, was getting a brand new machine designed for quilting, and didn't need her old machine.

Actually, she had two machines and I could take my pick. So today, I went and picked up a Singer that is probably about 20 to 30 years old, but it is a good solid machine. I offered to pay for the machine and the woman said, "No." She hugged me and said she hoped that I could put the machine to good use.

I had to stop a moment or two to just savor the experience of being so gifted. What a generous lady. Not often that people will give a perfect stranger something like that.

Virtual Book Tour

Chugging right along on my tour. Today I am at http://zensanity.blogspot.com/ for an interview. When I started this tour, working with Pump up Your Book promotions, I wondered if the interviews would get redundant after a while, but the blog hosts have been wonderful about asking different questions, so there is something fresh each time. Whew! I would hate to think they were all like having a canned response. Sort of what we sometimes get with political candidates. :-)

And I just can't let this important day pass without mentioning 9/11 and sending out good thoughts to people who are still feeling the pain of loss from that day. And in a way, that touches all of us, because we all lost something that day seven years ago.

Virtual Book Tour

Still going strong on the virtual book tour. Today's stop is a short review on BCF Reviews.

http://bcfreviews.wordpress.com/2008/08/31/one-small-victory-by-maryann-miller/

Yesterday I forgot to list one of the stops, so here is a link to that one. http://www.thebookconnectionccm.blogspot.com/ Here I got to write a bit more about how the central character was developed. I always find it interesting to know how writers come up with the characters and the story.

The BookConnection is a nice site for authors and readers. It has interviews, reviews, and a whole lot more.

Virtual Book Tour

Day five of my virtual book tour. Or it could be day six, I don't know. I've lost track. I admire folks who can keep up with a jillion things at one time and make it look so easy. Me, I have to spit my gum out so I can type.

Anyway, the tour is continuing. Today I am back at http://www.thebookmuncher.blogspot.com The blog today is primarily an interview, and one of the nice things about the interviews I've done with blog hosts is that the questions have been varied enough that people won't get bored as they follow me from site to site.

"Blog Train Excursion"

Welcome to the Blog Train Scavenger Hunt, chugging from url to url. I hope you enjoy this brief stop at my blog. Somewhere on this page, you'll find a hidden word, plainly labeled, that is part of a famous saying...not too famous though, so you'll have to use some brain power to assemble all the words you find during your travels--there are 16, total.

The hunt will end on September 13th, so you'll need to forward your final entry to mizging2003@yaho..com by midnight on the 13th. All correct entries will be entered into a drawing, but you never know...you may be the only person who gets it right.

I am busy promoting One Small Victory and (secret word = man) man is it a time consuming experience, yet a necessary one. If readers don't know the book is available, they miss the opportunity to read about an incredible woman's adventure.

As soon as you find the secret word here, please get back on the train and visit http://blog.skhyemoncrief.com for your next word.

All of us participating in this hope you find our blogs worthy of a return visit. Thanks for joining the Blog Train and have a happy trip. Remember, you can be the winner of 16 wonderful downloads.

Virtual Book Tour

The tour started up again today after a weekend off. Today I am featured at
http://www.thebookmuncher.blogspot.com/

I got to post about a crazy booksigning event at a senior center. We writers must choose our audiences carefully. :-)

And don't forget the "Blog Train Excursion" starting today. This is a great chance to win a bunch of books. visit: http://mizging.blogspot.com

A fun Contest

A writer friend came up with this great idea for a new contest. It's called "Blog Train Excursion" and it's a scavenger hunt for words. Contestants will visit a series of blogs to find words to complete a famous quote and the winner will receive a virtual prize basket containing sixteen e-books, one of which is Play It Again, Sam. The contest starts Monday, Sept 8th at: http://mizging.blogspot.com

Have fun.

Virtual Book Tour

I am starting a virtual book tour this month to promote my new book, One Small Victory. This is a new twist on the standard author tour that used to take authors across the country to meet readers in bookstores and other venues. Publishers used to arrange the tours, especially for big name authors, and all the author had to do was show up. Of course, that was not as simple as it sounds. Even though I would love to have that kind of backing from my publisher, the thought of flying or driving hundreds of miles over a two or three week period is daunting. Some writer friends have shared their "tour nightmares" with me, and it didn't make it sound like much fun.

This virtual tour is not nearly as demanding on time, money, or wardrobe choices. I can sit here in my office in my usual jeans and tee-shirt and visit all the blogs that are hosting me. If you would like to follow me on this tour all month, you can access the full schedule on my Web site The sites I will be a guest on will have a variety of interviews, reviews, and other information about books and publishing. Here is a Link to the stop for today: Book Excerpts from Bestselling Authors - http://bookexcerpts.wordpress.com

Health Care Fiasco

A growing health problem in the United States is people who cannot get medical care because they don't have a primary doctor for referrals. An article in the September AARP Bulletin addresses the shortage of primary care doctors and it doesn't bode well for the future.

It doesn't bode well for the present, either.

More and more people are finding that they may end up with a deadly condition because they could not get in to see a doctor in a timely manner. That happened to a woman in Sacramento who had a mole on her arm that was changing. She tried to see a dermatologist without the referral from a primary care doctor, but the ones she called said they couldn't see her for three to four months. This despite the fact that she had an issue of considerable concern.

When she finally got to see a doctor seven months after discovering the mole, she was diagnosed with melanoma, which has now spread to her lungs.

And I thought it was terrible that I couldn't get in to see a new primary care doctor for a month.

I wish the story of the woman in Sacramento was an isolated case, but unfortunately it is not. And I don't even know what would be a good first step toward solving this problem. I just hope that it has come to the attention of someone with a better mind than mine.

Setting the Tone

My good friend and fellow author, Laura Castoro, once told me that women are the heart of a home and no matter whether we like it or not, we set the tone for the atmosphere at home. We were both bemoaning the fact that husbands can get mad and storm around and everyone has to just hush until they get over it. But if we women get mad and storm around, pretty soon everyone is in a sour mood and things get pretty testy.

I hadn't really paid attention to that phenomenon until she stopped by one day years ago to recover from a "mad" before she went home and infected her whole house. But when she pointed it out, I realized it was true.

"But that's totally not fair," I said.

"You're right. But fair has nothing to do with the reality."

"That stinks." Maybe I was hoping that if I protested enough I could someone alter this reality.

Laura just laughed. "Right again, but are we going to rail against something we can't change, or learn how to adapt."

"I don't want to adapt. I want to be able to be mad all by myself."

Again, Laura laughed. "Good luck with that. Me, I'm going to go home and try to put on a smile and watch my husband and kids smile back."

It probably wasn't that simple for her that day, and it certainly is not a simple thing to put into practice day after day, week after week, year after year. But I can tell you after 43 years of marriage that the days that I am aware of setting a tone for my home are the days that tone is more pleasant and harmonious than some others.

I still mutter about this being not fair, and I'm sure Laura will laugh again when she reads this, but it works.

The Dumbing Down of a School District

I had to check the date of the newspaper to make sure I had not somehow picked up an April 1st edition and this was a joke. But it wasn't.

The Dallas Independent School District has released new grading policies, which officials there say will help students excel, but has many parents and young people protesting. The policies say that no student can be given a grade below 50 on their report card. Students will be allowed to retake a failed test. No grades will be given on homework unless it will help students pass. this is for grades 2-5. Students can't receive a zero or have a grade reduction for work not done or not completed on time.

This is unbelievable. Talk about failing our children and the whole educational system.

How does this prepare young people for the realities of life after high school? Not every college is going to treat them with such consideration. Not to mention what it will be like on their first job.

We are a nation soft on character, and character comes from accepting the consequences of one's choices and actions.

One high school student wrote a letter to the editor in which she offered the opinion that these new policies are not fair to the other students who earn their grades. She also wrote "...it discredits the work of any individual who graduates under this policy."

How true that is. And how sad that a diploma from a Dallas high school may not be based on real learning, but on "giving a student a chance to excel."

Will This Help Obama?

This morning while reading some news items on CNN online, I ran across this announcement: "A U.S. District Court judge lifted travel restrictions Thursday for Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick so he can attend the Democratic National Convention August 25-28 in Denver, Colorado.

The judge also said the beleaguered public official could remove his monitoring device.

Kilpatrick has been beset with legal problems recently, including a sex scandal, perjury and corruption indictments, an assault charge and a recent jail stint for violating the terms of his bail."

So this is the caliber of politician going to Colorado in support of Barack Obama?

It's a disgrace.

I am so tired of political people, athletes, and other celebrities, who appear to have no regard for moral or ethical behavior, continue to go about business as if it doesn't matter.

It does matter. As a society we have to stop acting like it doesn't. The old-fashioned concept of "misbehave and you are out of here" needs to come back. No excuses. No second chances. No rationalizations. Just consequences for bad behavior.

The same goes for John Edwards. His "excuse" for having an affair then trying to hide it is an insult to the intelligence of the American public. "I was too young to handle the stress of notoriety." Give me a break. He must have the same spin doctor as some other "bad boy" and "bad girl" celebs who say they are not really bad, just victims of circumstance.

They are only victims of circumstance if they allow it, and by allowing it, they are making a choice. Bad choices need to have swift and definitive consequences.

Visit me at Synoptic Storm

I'm guest blogging at Synoptic Storm this morning. This is a fun blog featuring a number of authors who write about their books, writing, or just life in general. A nice place to meet new friends, so grab your coffee and come on over.

It's Had to Stir Your Heart

I defy anyone to diss the opening ceremony of the Olympics last night. For all her faults, China did a magnificent job and all who were associated with the event are to be applauded. I loved the majesty, the grace, the soul-stirring music. And all the symbolism was artfully done without having to hammer a point home.

It was also a great lesson in history, and my first thought was how wonderful to have a better understand of these people who are sometimes so hard to understand when it comes to human rights issues. Then I had one of those "slap yourself in the head" moments. It's not the people. There was no guile in the faces of those dancers or drummers, or all those engaging children. It's the government.

Wouldn't it be nice if they took a hint from this great PR campaign they spent millions on?

Your Laugh For Today

I just read a hilarious piece about the coming "Blogalypse". It is well worth the read for all of us bloggers. I especially liked the reference to Algore, who is the "great creator" who makes this all possible. Truly one of the best satires I have read in a long time. Here is a link to the blog Enjoy!!

I'm Quitting Advice Columnists

I swear I've got to stop reading advice columnists and get a life. I don't agree with most of the advice anyway, so I don't know why I bother. Old habit, I guess.

A long time ago a writing instructor encouraged members of the class to read the advice columns for story ideas. That was especially significant for anyone wanting to write for the pulp women's magazines True Story and the others of that ilk. The instructor also said it would be helpful even if we weren't interested in writing for those magazines, but were writing fiction. She considered it a good way to find out more about human behavior and maybe even pick up a character or two.

I can't say that I ever found a direct benefit from reading the columns, so I'm really not sure why I continued. Except that "habit" thing. I'm bad with that. Took me four tries and a number of years to finally quit smoking.

Anyway, I was reading the paper last night and glanced at the headline for one of the new, younger, advice columnists: Tween Worried About Anger. An 11-year-old girl had written to express concern because she often got angry for no reason. She described the anger as extreme and wrote that she would go to her room to try to chill out with music. Then she would start feeling incredibly sad - also for no reason - and would end up crying. She was worried about whether what was happening to her might be an indication of a serious problem.

Red flags waving for anyone but me yet?

The columnist replied that what the girl was experiencing was normal, due to hormone changes related to puberty, pointing out that mood swings are a major part of early adolescence.

Okay, that much is true. But most of the mood swings pre-teens experience are triggered by something. Getting angry for no reason is not a normal part of this. Overreacting with anger because Mom told you to do something you didn't want to, or because you get grounded, is a normal part of the emotional turmoil of puberty.

If I had a child who was erupting in anger for no reason, I would be concerned and perhaps make an appointment with a counselor. And to the columnist's credit, she did encourage the girl to talk to her parents or another adult about the mood swings, but she didn't caution the girl that she could be experiencing something that has a more serious underlying cause.

Manic Depression anyone?

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

In a recent Dear Abby column, a woman wrote to ask what to say when a person inquires what a newly-purchased item costs. The writer explained when she talks about a new item, many people immediately ask, "How much did that cost." She, the writer, finds the question presumptuous and asked what is the best way to politely respond.

Abbey, who is not really Abbey anymore, but her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, fell short on her response to that one. She advised that it is natural for people to be curious about the price of new purchases, and the writer should stop talking about the items she is buying and the problem will be resolved.

Sorry Abby, but that is not the best advice. How about the fact that it is rude for people to ask how much things cost, or how much money one makes, or the net-worth of a stock portfolio. At least that's the way I was raised and many others like me.

(Egads, are there really may more like me? But I digress...)

The other day I was talking to my sister who is caring for our father and now handling his finances. I have no idea how much money my father has or what his monthly income is. Never did my whole life. And my sister said she would not know now, either, except she has to take care of his financial business. But she also said that if feels so awkward to be doing that, almost like an invasion of privacy.

Thinking about that, just reinforces for me the necessity of keeping some things private. So I would advise the lady who wrote to Dear Abby to keep talking about the things she has purchased when appropriate and when someone asks how much they cost, say something general to deflect it -- "More than I thought it would. " If they persist in questioning a good response is, "I'd rather not say."

Let's All Take a Break

The latest political news has Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama declining public funding for his campaign. He says because of problems with the system, but some political analysts say the reason has more to do with the fact that by declining to participate in public funding, Obama can raise double the $85 million that is the most allowed in the public funding system.

$170 million dollars on a political campaign?

Oh, wait. That is only part of the total to be spent between now and November because on the Republican side, John McCain will raise at least $85 million. So at a minimum, $255 million is going to be spent buying votes. I don't know what you think, but I think that is obscene, especially because that is on top of the millions that have already been spent on the primaries.

I briefly thought I would like to know what the total is that all candidates spent since the primaries began, but decided my blood pressure is better off not knowing.

Here's a novel idea. Why don't we all take a break from politics. Gosh, it's not like we don't know everything we need to know about these candidates after years of the primary campaign.

Okay, it was only one year, but it felt like twenty.

The candidates could take a two month break and rest up for the last big push in September and October. And instead of wasting $255 million dollars, maybe each candidate spends about $10 million in those two months on national advertising.

And in those ads, they can tell us what they are going to do about key issues like the war in Iraq, the budget, health care, global warming, and revamping the political system so it doesn't pander to special interest.

It was once said that anyone could grow up to be president of the United States. Maybe that was true in the late 1800's, but not any more. You have to grow up to be incredibly rich first.

Please Don't Do It, Mr. Obama

Dear Barack,

I hope it's not too forward of me to call you by your given name, but you seem like a friendly sort of guy, and you just might be our next president, here in these good old United States, so I'm confident the familiarity is okay.

First, let me congratulate you on you historic win this week to receive the Democratic Nomination for President. I am pleased that you were able to overcome some of the efforts to smear your name and your reputation via e-mail and the Internet, as well as inferences made because of your association with certain churches and certain pastors. Gosh, when a person throws his or her hat into the political ring all kinds of crap crops up.

Now, to the reason I'm writing. I know there is a huge - as in gargantuan - push for you to chose Hillary as your running mate, and I hope it is not too late for me to ask you please not to do that. There are a number of people who registered to vote and voted for you in the primaries because they DO NOT WANT HILLARY CLINTON OR BILL CLINTON associated with the White House again.

The Clinton Presidency was hardly a stellar one for integrity and morality and a lot of folks don't want to see them back in any position of power.

Beyond the Monica issue, there were so many other instances where they were accused of not conducting business ethically, that they have lost the trust of the American people. At least a lot of the American people I've been talking to.

They, the Clinton's, are like children who have varnished the truth so much, it's hard for a parent to believe anything they say.

Hillary is a smart, and probably very qualified person on many levels for the VP slot, but, as many political analysts are saying, she brings way too much baggage with her. So I'm asking you - pleading with you - not to cave in to the pressure from the media and the party. You have run an amazing campaign with "change" as your cornerstone, so let's really have change.

Why not ask Ron Paul to be your VP? He has a tremendous grass roots support and is a man of incredible integrity. And I think it would be a courageous move on your part to cross party lines and truly do something for the good of the people.

Just something to think about...

Sincerely,
Maryann Miller

Inequities in the Farm Bill

Well, they did it. Congress passed the bloated Farm Bill, President Bush vetoed it, and the Senate overrode the veto. Now they have discovered that Bush vetoed the wrong bill, and the right one will come up for a vote this week. Bush will probably veto it again and the Senate will attempt another override.

So I guess I will go through another few days of wishing that someone would have the good sense to break this bill into components and not have the assistance for the poor in terms of food stamps and food surplus distribution attached to the same bill that gives corporate farmers thousands of dollars that they don’t need.

Oh, they think they need it because the hundreds of thousands of dollars they clear each year just aren’t enough. Compare that with the small family-owned farm that sometimes can’t even feed that family. Where is the help for a farmer who has three bad years in a row and has no capital to buy seed to plant another crop? He can’t even qualify for food stamps because he owns equipment worth thousands of dollars. But even with those assets, the bank won’t lend him any money to get him through the winter until he can try again next spring.

If the government really wanted to help the American farmer and not just the ones rich enough to support the lobby in Washington, the current Farm Bill would be trashed and a new one written. The new one would not allow for a situation where a farm owned by the same family for generations would have to be sold before the farmer’s wife could qualify for Medicare to pay for dialysis. Or another farmer’s home would not have to be mortgaged because the bottom fell out of the pig market just before his were ready to go and he didn’t make enough to pay his feed bill.

Nor would any farmer have to face the ultimate humiliation of not being able to feed his family.

It shouldn’t be happening….

Ignoring the Tragedy is a Tragedy

Every day I scan news sources for “News Bits” to put on the site I manage, WinnsboroToday.com, and I am always dismayed to read yet another instance of some Third World government committing an atrocity against the people they are supposed care enough about to govern.

The most recent is the government of Myanmar, which is really Burma, taking so long to allow aid to reach the victims of the cyclone that ravaged part of the country on May 4^th. Millions of people have been displaced without the basics of shelter food, and water and the government took ten days to decide to let one American plane bring food and medical supplies in. Whether more planes will be allowed to bring in supplies is still being debated.

Official government reports from the country are also downplaying the number of people who were killed in the storm, as well as the casualties from disease and starvation since then. Do they think we will not consider them heartless if only 22,000 died instead of 100,000?

That political ends play such a significant role in the response to this kind of tragedy is a tragedy in itself. And I do recall that a similar scenario played out after Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast of the United States. Political maneuvering between city, state and federal governments held up aid response for over 24 hours, and in the ensuing public outcry, each entity was busy blaming the other.

It is beyond my comprehension that the leader of a country would not respond immediately to people in need and to hell with politics. To be bound by political rules or advantages would be like me not rushing to my neighbor’s to help put out a fire because I am not part of the volunteer fire department in this area. Sorry. Can’t step on someone’s toes, so I guess your barn will just have to burn down.

I Didn't Know What I was Doing

When I first heard Miley Cyrus, AKA Hannah Montana, apologize for the photos in Vanity Fair, I thought she might have been a girl taken advantage of by the magazine or the photographer. She said in a published statement, "I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic,' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," Miley, the daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, told the press this week. "I never intended for any of this to happen, and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."

Poor little girl, I thought, until I saw the cover shot taken by celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz that shows the girl in profile clutching a blanket to her chest with her back bare. Miley posed for the picture, but had no idea that it might be a bit sexy? Come on. One does not take off her clothes in a room full of people and not have an inkling that maybe that was going just a bit too far.

It has been reported that the questionable photos were shot after Miley's parents left the site of the photo shoot, but there were other people there who were supposed to be looking out for the girl's best interest. What were they thinking. Not only is this whole mess a huge blemish on the sweet, innocent image Disney has tried to maintain for Hannah Montana, who in their right mind would let a young teenage girl assume such a grown up pose?

Commentary that I have read in the newspapers and on the Web suggest that this whole fiasco may have been a marketing move gone wrong. I tend to agree. And now the scramble is on to see if anything can be salvaged from the mess.

Let The Games Begin

As a newspaper columnist for many years, I have had ample opportunities to reflect on the Olympic Games and their significance in the overall scheme of things, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what is happening regarding the Olympic Torch Relay.

The torch to me is a symbol of peace and a willingness to let go of petty differences, and not so petty differences, between nations and peoples to celebrate the achievements of great athletes from across the world. This year the symbol is tainted by protests that have gotten so violent that athletes have not been able to run, and many people have been arrested in London and Paris.

I agree that China’s record on human rights stinks, and I also agree that the International Olympic Committee could have picked a better site for the 2008 Summer Games than Beijing. What I don’t agree with is using violent protests to make a statement.

Even the Dalai Lama has asked people to stop the violent protests.

And for the sake of the games and the athletes who have been training for years for this opportunity to compete, I don’t think anyone should boycott the Summer Olympics. Politics has no place in the Olympics. It says so right in the Olympic Charter

So let’s find another way to let China know how much we deplore some of the government’s actions, especially in Tibet, and let the athletes have their day.

The Check's In The Mail

By now, most of us in the U.S. have received our letter from the IRS, informing us that the rebate check will be sent to us next month. (At a cost of $42 million dollars)

In case you’ve been on a desert island for the past two months with no contact with the civilized world, news sources, or e-mail. I’m talking about the government’s decision to send us all money to help the economy.

A few weeks ago, I contacted my senators and state representative to ask them to pay a visit to the IRS office and suggest that maybe they should just send the checks instead of the letters. That would save the taxpayers $42 million dollars, because that is the price tag for actually mailing the checks next month. If we only had one mailing that included the check, we wouldn't have to pay $84 million for our rebates.

Being an idealist, I was hoping that one of the senators, or my local representative would jump on the chance to do the right thing.

Sadly, the response I received from my state representative was a form letter thanking me for my inquiry about restrictions on credit cards and proposed tax increases. One senator also thanked me for my interest in tax reform, and the other just sent a form letter letting me know that the amount of mail received makes it impossible to respond personally to every letter, but I could rest assured that he has the concerns of all constituents in mind as he conducts business in Washington. (Not his exact words, but close enough.)

Hello? That is not what I wrote you about.

I was disappointed. Really disappointed. There is still a part of me that wishes....hopes...would like our representatives to really represent us. That we can have some influence on what happens in Washington. Otherwise, we might as well sit back and just let them steamroll us.

Don't Waste My Money

Some of you may have read the news item about the latest waste of money that someone in Washington decided was a good idea. The IRS is spending about $42 million dollars to send letters to let taxpayers know that rebate checks will be in the mail. The notices are going out this month to an estimated 130 million households who filed returns for the 2006 tax year, at a cost $41.8 million. This was confirmed by IRS spokesman John Lipold.

This is part of that economy stimulus plan pushed through congress a few weeks ago that none of us had a say in. And now the government is going to spend 32 cents to print, process and mail each letter to these 130 million households. And, oh, it doesn't include the tab for another round of mailings planned for those who didn't file tax returns last year but may still qualify for a rebate.

I don't often take partisan sides in political nonsense, but I have to agree with the Democrats who have called this a waste of money. I only wish they had not held back and called it what it is. A colossal waste of money. Our money. Not the government's. OUR MONEY.

If you would like to join me in protesting this measure, contact your local representatives and senators and ask them to stop this nonsense. Contact them via the Web site for the U.S. Government.

We do a lot of complaining about government. At least I know I do, so I am making a conscious effort to be more involved in the process. I guess the idealist in me still believes that we can make a difference. So I am contacting as many members of the House and Senate as I can and voicing my concerns about this measure.

Guest Blogger

A few weeks ago Mike Befeler let me be a guest blogger on his blog, so this week I am returning the favor. Mike is a mystery writer with a fascinating central character who is a "geezer." Interesting concept and well worth checking out his books.


One of the things I’ve enjoyed since becoming a mystery writer is attending mystery conferences. Next week the Left Coast Crime 2008 conference takes place in Denver, Colorado. Over four hundred mystery fans and writers will congregate for panels, discussions, awards and general schmoozing. I attended this conference last year when it was held in Seattle. One of the highlights was a night tour of the Seattle underground, the old street level of Seattle that has now been covered over. At this year’s conference I have the pleasure of introducing twenty new mystery authors at the New Authors’ Breakfast on Friday, March 7. I’ll also be moderating a panel titled, “What’s Age Got To Do With It?” If any of you are attending, stop me to say hello. I’m the geezer-in-training who will be wearing a straw hat with “Geezer-lit Mysteries” on it.


Mike Befeler
Author of Retirement Homes Are Murder
mikebef@aol.com
Blog: http://mikebefeler.blogspot.com
Web site: www.mikebefeler.com

We Don't Need no Stinkin' Superdelegates

With the presidential candidates from the Democratic party in a race that may not be decided by the primaries and caucuses, the 800 super-delegates might get to pick the nominee for that party. And one newscaster recently commented that, "they can vote on a whim."

A whim? One of the most important political decisions in this country can be decided on a whim?

Does anyone else find this beyond believable?

We have gone so far from "representation of the people" that it is no wonder we have such poor showings at the polls. Too many people think that government no longer responds to the voters so why bother.

Well, we do need to bother, and maybe that way government will start listening. But that is a topic for another blog.

The other day I had lunch with a friend, whose intelligence I highly respect, and we discussed this whole mess of a political system. She agreed with me that there needs to be some changes, but didn't agree that significant change was possible. Her comment was that the system is way too big and interdependent to be able to simplify.

We did agree that in an ideal world, all leaders would be benevolent and truly work for the people, but we don't live in an ideal world. Governments are run by people and people are flawed creatures. They don't always do the right thing.

But I don't think that fact leaves us at the mercy of the status quo. There is still room for political reform, and I think the first thing to go should be the super-delegates. Then maybe do away with delegates all together. Let the nominee be picked by the popular vote, and maybe save the millions that are spent on the conventions.

Just a thought.... Anyone else?

Candidates' Qualifications

A recent Non Sequitur cartoon showed a man in an interview saying, “My qualifications are that I’m not nearly as unqualified for the job as the other applicants are…, who are all members of a satanic cult, buy the way.” He is carrying a sign that reads: Hire me or the terrorists win. The interviewer is looking over the applicants resume and says, “Oh, nice list of celebrity endorsements.”

In the bottom right of the panel Wiley Miller, the creative genius behind the strip wrote, “If we hired people the same way we elect them.”

I laughed when I read it, then I cheered. And I wished it could be a wake-up call for the voting public. If only enough people could see the truth behind the humor of this cartoon and start calling for change in the political process, I would be a happy camper.

In following the presidential campaigns, I have seen little being discussed that has anything to do with how a candidate would do the job. And the debates, especially the most recent ones, disgust me. There is no respect shown, candidates don’t answer the questions, and there is a lot of name calling.

Gee, remind you of Kindergarten anybody?

I’m tired of the candidates sniping at each other. I’m tired of the media telling us who is likely to win because he or she has the most money. I’m tired of the candidates avoiding a direct answer to a direct question. And I’m tired of everyone focusing on things that have nothing to do with a candidates ability to serve the office he or she is campaigning for.

Is it possible to change this political system, or are we forever tied to this huge machine that keeps clanking away and leaving the people in the dust?

HILLARY CRIED

I couldn’t believe it when I turned on the Today Show this morning and there was an interview with a woman who was explaining what Hillary Clinton’s tears meant on the eve of the New Hampshire primary. I couldn’t believe it. Another story about the emotional display. I thought we’d pretty well exhausted that topic yesterday.

And speaking of exhaustion. That’s what probably caused the chink in Hillary’s armor in the first place. This campaign stuff is grueling and it is bound to take its toll. I could see the exhaustion in the faces of other candidates, too, but the men are just better at swallowing their tears than women are.

It is ludicrous to me that the media is making such a big deal of this. Come on fellow journalists; is there nothing better to write about than Hillary’s tears?

I turned off the TV, hoping that would be the end of it, but later today I was reading the Dallas Morning News and a columnist actually wondered on paper whether Hillary had planted the woman in the audience who had asked the question that prompted the emotional response.

I shook my head. Have we sunk this low that we have to suspect every move a politician makes?

Then I realized how silly I was to ask. Of course we have. The last twenty years has seen such deterioration in how people behave in Washington, on Wall Street, and any other street in America, that it is hard for folks to know what truth is anymore.

When I start getting this cynical about the political process, I watch “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and pretend for a little while that there is one person of character and integrity who can truly bring change to the government.

Merry Christmas

I know the politically correct thing to say at this time is Happy Holidays, lest we offend someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, but I feel like being a rebel today. Besides that, I don't get the least bit offended when someone says Happy Hanukka or Happy Kwanzaa.

Those wishes mean something special to the folks who celebrate those holidays, the same way Merry Christmas means something special to me, and it doesn't take anything away from me for people to express their good wishes the way they want to.

If we all spent more time living up to the inherent meaning in all these holidays and expressions of good will, there could be no offense taken at how people express them. There wouldn't be a "we" and "them" mentality that makes us more protective of our rights.

So my hope for all of us is to have a season of peace and a sense of inclusion instead of exclusion.

Remembering Pearl Harbor

I recent years I have noticed that people don't seem to make such a big deal out of the bombing of Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941. It used to be practically a national holiday and news sources would be full of stories about the tragic day, stories that would lead in the news.

Today, while looking at a few online news sources, I did not see lead stories about Pearl Harbor. The tragic mall shooting in Omaha, Nebraska, still leads, and I found that disquieting. Here was a young man who killed a lot of people because he was troubled, but also because he thought it would bring him fame. And it has.

But measure the worthiness of that story as compared to the worthiness of remembering what men and women suffered on Dec. 7, 1941.

It would have been fitting for the story about Everett Hyland, who was aboard the USS Pennsylvania on December 7, 1941, to be the top story in publications today. The Pennsylvania was dry-docked that day, so it did not suffer as much damage as some other ships, but Hyland clearly remembers shipmates dying and being injured. Not for fame, but just because they were doing their duty.

He will join some 50 survivors and hundreds more family members and officials at a Pearl Harbor pier overlooking the USS Arizona Memorial to honor the attack's victims.This year, survivors and their family members are dedicating a new memorial for the USS Oklahoma, which lost 429 sailors and Marines -- the second greatest loss of life among any of the battleships in Pearl Harbor.

The Simple Way

Living and loving in a totally committed relationship is a rare commodity in this era ruled largely by a throw-away mentality. To see two people who sustain each other in a marriage through many years of good and bad is fairly significant in itself, but to see two people who actually grow in kindness and love is awesome.

A long time ago when I needed a refuge from a turbulent adolescence, my girlfriend, Jeanette, asked if I would like to live with her family for a while. I always loved going to her house. It was so alive with laughter and had a warmth less connected to the ever-active oven than to something going on between her mom and dad. That something overflowed to the whole family.

To be a part of that was an incredible opportunity.

Mam and Sir, who are both gone now, were simple country folk of Scandinavian background and devoted to their family. Sir worked hard to provide food and shelter and Mam worked hard to provide heart. She loved to play, and I can remember dancing in the living room with her and Jeanette while Sir looked on and shook his head. "You girls," he would say. "What am I going to do with you?"

I can also remember with great clarity how kind everyone was to each other in that family, doing things without being asked and without keeping score. There was a real generosity of spirit that made it okay if dinner was late on my day to cook because I spent the day at the horse barn. It was also okay for Jeanette to skip dishes if she had a big date. And if Mam came home from work tired, she knew someone would tell her to put her feet up and rest a while. Someone else would always pick up the slack in the kitchen.

After I married and started my own family, I often pulled from those memories to form a blueprint for relationship. The Sunday afternoon 'naps' that weren't really naps at all. The complete awareness of each other that was reflected in a glance, a touch, a smile. The devotion that never wavered in the face of human weakness. And most of all, the pure joy of being together. It was so tangible I often thought I could reach out and touch it.

Over the years I stayed connected to this family, and we visited as often as possible even though we were separated by many miles and several states. During one visit I picked up on a subtle change in Mam's child-like behavior. It wasn't like she was playing anymore. I also noticed that she was asking me the same questions over and over again.

Afraid, yet needing to know, I looked at Sir.

He nodded.

That horrible reality of Alzheimer's hit me like a physical blow, yet I couldn't help but find some sweetness in the bitter moment. The response from the heart of this tough old farmer was beauty to behold. It was particularly poignant to see him reach out with a gnarled hand to let her know with a gentle touch that it was okay that she forgot again. It was a gesture so intimate and so filled with love I was almost embarrassed to have seen it.

Some years later, when Mam had progressed into a totally alien world and Sir was then facing his imminent death from cancer, I asked him to tell me the secret of their long and happy marriage. How did they stick together through so much? I didn't need the information for myself. I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it in his own words for an article I was writing about fidelity in marriage.

He pondered a bit, as all great farmer/philosophers do, then he shrugged. "It's not so special," he said. "No magic. No tricks. I guess it's like when you get in a rowboat and set out across the lake. If you want to get to the other side, you both better be pulling on the oars."

Focus on Chaplaincy

For many years I have been involved in Hospital Ministry, first as a trained volunteer, then as a trained Hospital Chaplain. Not everyone can do this type of work. Certainly not my husband who is an ordained minister but freezes at the thought of going to visit people in the hospital.

But for some reason, I have always enjoyed this ministry and always come home feeling very blessed. One of the other chaplains I worked with in Nebraska told me she felt the same way and sometimes thought we shouldn’t even get paid for what we do. Although, she didn’t tell that to our boss or payroll.

I started doing this type of ministry over twenty-five years ago, and over the years I’ve learned a thing or two about loss and grief and the complicated human reaction to it all. That knowledge and experience was beneficial when I was writing my latest book, One Small Victory. The central character loses a son to a car accident, and her grief is an important element of the story. As is the grief of her other children.

There are as many faces to grief as there are people, and as I continue this blog I will share some of the stories that I was privileged to be a part of during my work.

One thing to keep in mind as you read my ramblings is that hospital chaplains, like military and prison chaplains, are cut from a different cloth than other holy people of God and/or ministers. We are not preachers. We don’t visit the sick and dying with the intent of “saving their soul.” Somebody already did that 2000 years ago. We are not trying to FIX anything. Boy did my CPE instructor have a time drilling that into my head.

What we do when we visit the sick and dying is give them an opportunity to talk about things that perhaps they cannot say to family members or friends. We listen to their stories, validate their feelings, and sometimes help them to accept death. Religion and prayer are only a part of the equation if religion and prayer are important to the patient.

And why am I telling you all this? Well, I thought it might be interesting to focus the blog on a topic instead of what I’ve been doing, which is write about anything that irks me at the moment. And maybe having a focus will prompt me to at least write something once a week. So starting next week, I will share stories from my experiences and hopefully we can connect on some emotional level.

Until next time….

Spare Me The Celebrities

If I see another picture of Brittany Spears and her semi-bald head I think I’ll puke. Is this really newsworthy considering all that is happening in Mid-East and Sudan and other places in the world where people are experiencing unimaginable suffering and other people are dodging the dangers to try to help?

The other day on the Today Show – I really need to find something else to watch while I’m exercising – there were two segments devoted to Brittany and her latest escapade. One psychologist explained that by shaving her head, Brittany was saying, “Here, I want to be real. This is who I am.”

Give me a break.

Another psychologist said that Brittany simply didn’t know what to do because Anna Nicole Smith had dominated the news for over a week. “Celebrities simply can’t handle it when they are not the hottest thing in the news.”

Give me another break. And it almost did when I whapped my leg with the hand weight.

First of all, people like that are only celebrities because the media has made them celebrities. Would the world have come to a screeching halt had the story of Brittany and the clippers been relegated to a brief footnote in the Entertainment section of newspapers and only reported on Entertainment Tonight?

Sometimes I’m ashamed to admit I’m a journalist.

Secondly, they are troubled women – oops, was for Ms. Smith – who are surrounded by people who enable their addictions and dysfunction because it’s fun living in the fast lane with lots of money and party-time all the time. Nobody wants to risk losing all that by really caring about them and maybe doing something to help.

I can feel sorry for them on that level. Nobody deserves to be used and abused by people who profess to be friends. But I don’t feel sorry for them for all the bad choices they have made and their inability to admit they have a problem.

We can all make excuses and rationalize our behaviors, but the bottom line is that we know when we are screwing up. We can lie to our family, our friends, the media, the general public, but we cannot lie to ourselves. I mean, we can try. We can say the words, but they don’t ring true when we are looking at our reflection in the mirror.

We've Sunk to a New Low

Here I was the other morning doing my exercises with the TV on to keep me company. Usually it’s just there for background noise and I only pay attention to the weather and a story that might really be of relevance, but that morning I had to stop halfway through a sit-up in disbelief. They were featuring a story about busty mannequins. I mean really Dolly-Parton-type busty mannequins that are all the rage in Miami, New York, LA, and apparently coming to a mall near us all soon.

My first thought was how stupid to consider this a newsworthy story. Who cares about busty mannequins? Then the reporter did a “man on the street” segment. He interviewed a woman who was commenting about how unrealistic the mannequins are and questioning what kind of message that sends to women. While she spoke, a man with her ogled the mannequin in the window, so I thought, okay. Some people do care, but for all the wrong reasons.

Throughout the rest of the story the camera showed these mannequins in various store windows and they were all posed like they were ready for Playboy shots, only with clothes on. Although some barely had clothes on.

Retailers were interviewed and commented about how sales have risen since they started featuring these buxom beauties in store windows.

Throughout the whole segment, there was only one brief mention of this perhaps not being in the best interest of social mores. The rest of the story had an air of “isn’t this just too cute,” and I wanted to puke.

Where was the outrage? Was I a solitary protester as I contemplated throwing the hand-weight at the television?

I watched the papers for the next couple of days, hoping for a scathing commentary by one of the nation’s columnist. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So I hereby go on record with a scathing commentary.

The woman who designed this new approach to retail display ought to be drawn and quartered.

The people who think it is all just so funny should also suffer some terrible punishment.

Folks who don’t think this type of sexually explicit material is not harmful to young people need to get their heads out of whatever cloud they are in.

And women everywhere should be outraged that our bodies have been used to sell merchandise for years.

Does any one else hate Victoria’s Secret?

Free Speech

A couple of weeks ago, Steve Blow, a columnist for the Dallas Morning News, wrote about how attitudes have changed toward war protestors since right after 9/11. In that first year after the tragedy anyone who questioned the president and the war in Iraq was considered unpatriotic, and as Steve put it, “Back then, dissent was scarce.”

He went on to write, “I think most experts were as reluctant as journalists to appear unpatriotic by challenging the president’s plans too sharply.”

When I read that, I had to stop and read it again. Then again. Since when is it unpatriotic to exercise our right to freedom of speech? That is one of the great strengths of our country. That people can say what they think without censorship. Granted, sometimes that freedom is abused. Okay, maybe it’s abused a lot. But it is still a basic right that some people don’t enjoy in their countries.

Now that the war effort is floundering and President Bush’s approval rating is sinking lower and lower, suddenly it is okay to criticize him and the war in Iraq. But why wasn’t it okay last year or the year before?

I can remember the few brave souls back then who wrote letters to the editor in the Dallas Morning News and the New York Times questioning the invasion of Iraq. They stirred a barrage of letters from reactionaries who questioned their loyalty to America and their support of the troops. Somehow questioning the war was equated with not caring about the men and women in uniform.

But recent criticism of the war has not stirred the same response, and I can’t quite figure out why not. Unless it is because of the “tide of popular opinion.”

Some people seem more willing to ride that tide than others. And that’s too bad. Because we should really think for ourselves and not become sheep following the most vocal shepherd.

Happy, Happy New Year

Unlike my previous posts, this one is a real blog as it is something I'm writing off the cuff, so to speak. I decided that it was time to step out of the security of using some older articles to fill this space.

So here goes....

This was an unusual Christmas for the Miller family as we were not together with all our kids on Christmas Day. Some of us live 100 miles apart, with two others about 300 miles from us. One of our sons from Austin came to our place with his wife and two young girls. Then we all went to the Dallas area on Christmas Eve to share a meal with the other sibs and their families, then came back to have Santa with the girls here.

That was a high point of the Holiday for me. Christmas morning is made for little children who eagerly look forward to Santa coming. Of course, I was the first one up on Christmas and had to wait for the girls to wake up. I told them I was up early to feed the animals before we started and they actually believed me. I also told them that Santa took some hay out of my barn for his reindeer and they believed that, too. I love little children.

The rest of this week has been a blur. In addition to some lovely gifts, my husband and I got a cold for Christmas, so we have been sipping tea and sniffling and coughing together. Luckily, one of us has always managed to feel good enough to take care of the animals, although one day I just threw a half a bale of hay over the fence for the horse and goats and told them to have a ball until tomorrow.

I think we are finally on the mend. At least I am. But it doesn't look hopeful that we will be ringing in the New Year with any great fivolity here at the Miller house.

I will however, take some time to remember the many blessings we have received in the past year and be thankful for that.

This is probably the point where I should be writing something profound or philosophical, but the old brain is shutting down. So I'll just close with a sincere wish that everyone has a very good New Year.

Holiday Magic

Whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanza, or any of the other Winter Solstice holidays, the magic of the time transcends religious bounds, so I share with you one of my favorite Christmas articles. I wrote this when my children were young and chaos reigned at the Miller house.
Enjoy!


Christmas is a time like no other in the lives of most people. From the wistful old lady who sits alone remembering Christmases past, to the starry-eyed kid who bounces around the house singing his own rendition of Silent Night, there is a place for each of us.

Sometimes for me, Christmas is the desperate race to get everything done in time. Every year I tell myself to start early. Make use of those lazy summer days to at least do the shopping, but somehow I don't often find my summer days all that lazy. Not to mention how hard it is to think "Christmas" when it's a hundred and five in the shade.

So invariably, I'll be running around the week before Christmas, trying to find something for Aunt Lucy and trying to balance the number of packages each of our kids will receive. (They will count them no matter how old they are.)
What bothers me most about last minute shopping isn't the mile long walk to get to the store from the parking lot. It isn't the lady who runs over my foot with her shopping cart. It isn't the clerk who can't possibly tell me where to find the ‘must have’ toy for this year. What bothers me most is wondering whether I'll make it through the check-out line before the kid I bought the tricycle for is ready for a car.

Sometimes I'd like to forget all about the Christmas Season and just spend two weeks in a rest home. Especially when the excitement starts to build in my kids, and I wish they'd just sit still and be quiet so I'd be more in the mood to be nice to them. It's hard to think kindly of a kid who's followed you around the house for a week reading his Christmas list.

Sometimes Christmas is the frustration of cookie crumbs mashed in the carpeting, candy canes stuck on the sofa cushions and the eighteen truckloads of trash strewn around the living room on Christmas morning. Sometimes it is a sense of futility as I wonder if we'll ever overcome our kids' basic selfishness and teach them the concept of giving as well as receiving. And sometimes it is a feeling of anxiety over whether we've maintained the proper balance between Santa Claus and Bethlehem.
But that's only sometimes.

Other times Christmas is a warm feeling of closeness when I share my daughter's wide-eyed wonder at the concept of Santa and all his magic. Or when I share my son's pride in the surprise he created for his dad out of a chaos of construction paper and glitter. Or when I share my daughter's satisfaction when she transforms our living room into a wonderland of tinsel and holly. Or when my other son asks me for the umpteenth time to get my guitar and play the Little Drummer Boy, and it reminds me mistily of another time, another place.

Somehow my dad could never refuse either.

And other times I think my heart will burst when I watch one of my kids spend their last dollar on a present for the brother I was sure they hated. Or when I find something totally impractical under the tree for me, and I look up to see my husband smiling in delight.

And other times I have a sense of awe when one of the kids wants to bake Jesus a Birthday cake and sing Happy Birthday. Other times I'm filled with an incredible sense of tenderness and love when I watch my oldest daughter set up the nativity scene and explain to the younger kids what happened that magical night two thousand years ago.

Yes indeed, CHRISTMAS IS a time like no other in my life!

Absurdities

Since we’re getting so close to Christmas – only two more weeks for those of you like me who have barely started preparing – I was going to write something sweet and nostalgic for the Holiday. With all I have left to do, I may not get to blog again before December 25. But I just couldn’t let the absurdities in recent news pass without comment.

First there’s the New York law to ban trans fat in all restaurants. I suppose it’s commendable that the legislators care that much for the health of their constituents, but do we really want government to be telling us what to eat? My husband commented that pretty soon fat people will get arrested. And if you’re really obese, you get a life sentence. A joke? Maybe not.

Then there’s the flap over the Minnesota Democrat, Keith Ellison, who was elected to Congress. The flap isn’t over him being elected. Or even the fact that he’s the first Muslim to be elected to the U.S. Congress. It’s because he would like to take his oath of office on the Koran instead of the Christian Bible. Dennis Prager, a conservative talk-show host in California said, “American is interested in only one book, the Bible. If you are incapable of taking an oath on that book, don’t serve in Congress.”

Um, excuse me, Mr. Prager, but I am an American and I totally support Mr. Ellison’s desire to use the holy book that has the most meaning for him. And I don’t think I am one voice crying alone in the wilderness on this topic.

Mr. Prager also needs to study his history. He said having a Bible present at every installation of a public official is an unbroken tradition since George Washington.

Oops, in 1825, John Quincy Adams took the oath on a law book.

Another absurdity that probably has less social impact, to me falls into the category of superfluous. Sherry Jacobson, a Dallas Morning News columnist nominated Tony Romo for Texan of the year. The annual contest run by the News was established to honor someone who has made a significant contribution to the state and humanity.

I’m sorry, Tony. While it has been fun to watch you play and bring the Cowboys to so many recent wins, I really don’t think that puts you in the league with State District Court Judge Carole Clark of Tyler, who is trying to develop a new child welfare program for Texas that will not let so many kids fall through cracks.

And finally, there was a little blurb in the Dallas Morning News about Governor Rick Perry speaking out against the proposal to build a wall along the border between Texas and Mexico.

Was that the same Rick Perry who had that political ad a couple of months ago? The one that talked about how tough he was going to be on illegal immigration and how he supports the plan to beef up border protection by erecting a wall?

Most politicians who are going to renege on their campaign promises at least wait long enough for the general public to forget what they said.

Turkey Time

I know it's almost a week away, but I want to share this special Thanksgiving piece I wrote a few years ago. Those of us who wax nostalgic over holidays can't get enough of this stuff. :-)

There's an old Thanksgiving song that starts out, "Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go..."

When I was a child, my Dad would break into that song as we crossed the Pennsylvania border into West Virginia on our annual pilgrimage to celebrate the Holiday with his family. "The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh, through the white and drifting snow..."

The closer we got to his childhood home, the heavier his foot rested on the gas pedal as our Chevy station wagon climbed the hills on twisting roads and flew on the downside. His rich baritone voice belted the song, and in my imagination we were on that sleigh behind dapple grays in their rhythmic trot. I could hear the clump of their hooves and feel the blowing snow bite my cheeks as we were carried along.

It was magic, pure and simple. A magic that continued for the few days that we stayed in that 'otherworld.'

Today as those memories float pleasantly through my mind, I can almost smell the wonderful aromas of sage dressing, pumpkin pie, and mulled cider that permeated my grandmother's house. And I can hear the bustle of activity accompanied by short bursts of conversation among the women in the kitchen. The front bedroom is where the men gathered and brought out instruments. Their music became another soundtrack.

My brothers, sisters, and I would join other cousins in the back bedroom in between our numerous trips outside. Our biggest challenge was to see who could roll down the hill and retain the most amount of snow, turning ourselves into living snowpeople. The second biggest challenge was to see who would have the honor of receiving the drumsticks. They were doled out on a 'merit' system based loosely on which of us waited the most patiently for the great announcement, "Dinner's Ready."

In the early years of married life I found it a formidable task to create Thanksgiving Days that would live in a similar glory for my children.

We were living in Texas, so mountains and snow were out of the question, and my signing never could quite match my father's. I didn't possess even a tenth of the culinary skills of my grandmother and my aunts, so the meal would probably be lacking. And we were more than a thousand miles away from cousins to help distract my children from their impatience.

But despite those limits, we managed to muddle through. I did manage a passable dinner and my husband actually raved about the German dressing. The pies were a major hit, all ten of them, and everyone was willing to eat the broccoli for the promise of a second piece of pie. And after cheering the Dallas Cowboys to another victory, most years, we would all tumble outside for a family game of touch-football.

In sifting through all these random memories now, I realize that the memory itself is not what is important. What is, is the fact that we have memories and they don't happen by accident. No matter what we do to 'mark' these important occasions, it is vital that we do 'mark' them. Even if our process doesn't live up to a Martha Stewart image or our own fond remembrances of childhood.

So here's to our memories, no matter how we create them.

Shall we Vote

Don’t you just love elections and campaigns and politicians? Someone must think we do because the media is blasting us with news reports, opinions, and paid advertising that is somehow supposed to help us make a decision come next Tuesday. The problem is there is so much spin in politics these days it’s hard for the average voter to sift through and find the truth. Or anything even resembling the truth.

Here in Texas we have a jokester, a grandma, the incumbent Republican, a Democrat with high hopes, and a Libertarian who hasn’t a snowball’s chance of winning, vying for the top state office. When the campaign first started I decided I would vote for the candidate who refrained from making the election about how bad the other guy is and make it about what the people of Texas need in a state leader.

Oh, but I forgot. Politics is all about power and making sure your party has control of said power. Oops! I guess that leaves the people somewhere out in the cold. Hello. Here we are. Can you hear us?

Partisan politics is so entrenched in government that I don’t even remember all the good reasons the two-party system was developed. I remember I learned that in Civics a hundred years ago, but the last twenty years of campaigns has obscured all the positives and highlighted the negatives.

So here I am less than a week from Election Day, and I have no idea who is going to get a nod from me for governor of this great state of Texas. (Oops, those political ads just imprint on the brain sometimes.)

If I go by my original plan, I’d have to vote for the Libertarian. I don’t think he has said anything nasty about the other candidates. Actually, I don’t know what he has said because the man gets next to zero media coverage. Which is too bad, really. He might actually have something worth hearing.

My husband doesn’t vote. Hasn’t for years from when he got fed up with the status quo of political behavior. It’s awful tempting to follow his lead. Just leave the mess alone. But then I’ll be loosing sight of another lesson I learned in Civics lo those many years ago. We have a responsibility to vote, even when we are disillusioned and think the whole system is in the crapper. What would happen if we all decided not to vote?

Growing Older

Yikes. I did it. I applied for Social Security. Wasn’t it just last year that I helped my mother do that? Where have the last twenty years gone?

Getting older has never really bothered me. Some people obsess about turning forty, or fifty, or even sixty, and I can laugh at the “mourning” parties with black frosting on a cake and R.I.P. balloons, but it never really hit me in the gut until I stood in line at the SS administration office amidst all the white-haired ladies and realized I was one of them.

Not that my hair is white – just nicely streaked – and for the record, I am taking early retirement, so I’m not as old as you might be thinking.

I can remember my mother telling me some time ago that she will often pass a mirror and do a double take. “Who is that old lady in my house?” Now I know what she meant, and I’m sure you do, too. Inside we are still young and wrinkle free. In our minds we can still do a full day’s work and run a marathon in the evening. It’s the body that’s on the wrong page.

Last week I was talking to a friend who also has a horse and likes to ride. We were telling stories about our youthful adventures on horses. The wild ones we rode. The thrill of riding bareback at a full gallop. The satisfaction of staying on that one horse that liked to buck for the first five minutes under saddle. Now we both get nervous if our horse does a little jiggy dance and threatens to rear. Old bones are much more brittle than young bones.

Which brings up an interesting question. Should we stop activities that could be dangerous as we age? I know some people willingly take on a more sedentary lifestyle by choice. Others bow to the wishes of adult children who are rightfully concerned for safety.

However, I’d like to think we can find some balance between caution and staying active, even if some of the activities make our kids say, “You did what?”

School Violence

Last week most of us probably watched the news, stunned at the horrible tragedy in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania where Carl Charles Roberts IV entered the Amish schoolhouse and shot 10 girls on October second. I know I couldn’t believe it, and the first thought I had was, “When is it ever going to end?”

When I first wrote my book about school violence in 1993, the research depressed me and I hoped that things would improve. Things had to improve. Children were killing each other, and certainly we could find ways to make the violence stop.

Unfortunately, not much changed, and instead of instances of one child being shot because he or she dissed another child, we had Columbine. The day that news broke, I cried. So many young innocent lives cut short. And I just couldn’t imagine what madness drove Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold into their school in Littleton, Colorado with an arsenal of guns and knives and compelled them to start shooting, killing twelve students and one teacher before turning the guns on themselves.

That tragedy spawned others and when it was time for more research for the third printing of my book, the statistics and stories were even more troubling. It was like some of the worst video games had stepped into reality and kids were playing with real lives.

People can argue all day long that they are just games and have no bearing on school violence, and I say that is a bunch of crap. People aren’t dreaming up these horrible acts of violence. The ideas have to come from somewhere. I’m not saying that a kid plays the game and says, “Wow, this is so much fun, I think I’ll go whack someone.” What I’m saying is the images of the games are planted in the brain and acted on later. A premise, by the way, that is shared by a lot of social scientists.

Of course the video games are not the only cause of violent behavior and probably had little to do with the recent school shootings that have been perpetrated by older men. And I certainly can’t begin to explain why that man in Pennsylvania decided shooting Amish girls was the solution to his emotional problems. Those social scientists are still trying to come up with an explanation for that.

Out of that latest tragedy, however, has come one bright ray of hope for mankind. The day after the shootings, the family members of the girls who were shot forgave Carl Charles Roberts IV. What a powerful testimonial, and one does not have to be Christian to get it.

One of the elements of forgiveness is not to wish evil on the person who wronged us. We don’t have to love that person or embrace that person, simply step back and let go of the need for revenge. That’s a pretty good lesson for all of us, and I sure wish those radical Muslims would get it.